Is my guy friend into me?

Dear Guys,

Ten years ago I became friends with this guy. We were in a very tight group of friends. I dated other guys in the group, never him. I never even had a crush. He was more someone who I admired his words. He was fun.

So I’ve lost contact with the group. Last time I saw them all was five years ago. The last time I saw him he was driving me back to my car from a reception. We had a nice conversation. Through the years I always wondered if he got the impression I had a thing for him.

We had a reunion recently. For me it was a little uncomfortable so I drank too much. (We were doing shots) He wasn’t giving me any extra attention during the night. (Although I’m unknowingly flirty and don’t pick up on the fact others are flirting with me.) The night ended and he wanted to walk me to my car. I thought he was being sweet. Along the way, we came to a building and he made out with me against it. Eventually I pulled away and said it wasn’t a good idea. (Both of us are involved.) He said okay and helped me find my car while holding my hand. Then he got in and kissed me more. I said we shouldn’t again and he pulled back and said if only we were in different situations and that it was really hot. He kept on saying that. He left and asked me to text him when I got home.

I’m just trying to make sense of all of this. I know he has a past of casual encounters and he could have just been using lines. Was I just the drunkest girl around or did it have some meaning? Was it something he had always wanted or just on a whim? I don’t know why it means so much to know but not knowing it making me anxious. I keep looking at old pictures. Did I miss something? It was five years ago, am I overthinking?


Dear Autumne,

Honestly, we can only speculate from what you’ve shared with us. Our sense is, he’s probably always had a crush on you, and he saw an opportunity—you were a little drunk and flirty and possibly feeling sentimental from the reunion—and he went for it. Since you’re hell bent on figuring this out, can we surmise that you might have a thing for him as well? (What about your current relationship?)

The only way you’ll know if it meant something to him is if he contacts you to get together. Did the two of you exchange numbers? How did you leave it?

That said, you could contact him as well. We don’t normally suggest this because we think it’s important for the man to initiate in order to gauge his interest, but this feels different. Like we said, it seems as if he’s always had a thing for you. Maybe he’s always thought you were out of his league, but now he’s wondering if maybe you could be interested. He’s probably questioning his behavior and wondering how you feel about it. You could always reach out to him and ask him what happened. Ask him what it all means, if anything. You could even make it light by joking around with him. At least you’d get some definitive answers. (Your call of course. You’d be taking a risk in doing so. But of course, nothing ventured, nothing gained.)

Why don’t you sit on it for a week or so and see what happens. Who knows, maybe he’ll get in touch with you. Keep us posted. If you want to answer some of our questions and have a dialogue about this, feel free to use the comments section below. (Must be logged in to do so) We’re happy to answer follow-up questions.



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2 Comments on Is my guy friend into me?

  1. I’m not sure if I have a thing for him. The events just gave my brain too many questions. In the last year or two before we got involved with other things, we had gotten very close. We confided in each other about our lives and generally had fun. Every now and then I miss that friendship. I just felt reconnecting might be strange. I’m very different.
    He tends to be an egotistical guy so I’m not sure how that would translate into me being out of his league.
    That night, my phone had died so he told me to message him on Facebook when I got home ok. I ended up forgetting and going to bed. I woke up the next day with a message he had sent saying how hot the night was.

  2. @Autumne…..Okay. So what’s your plan? Just make sure he does more than just flirt. It’s about action. It already sounds like he’s throwing out some hints, but wants you to be the one to take action. With this new info it might be best to let him be the one to move this forward if it’s headed that way. THoughts?

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