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Is my relationship doomed or salvageable?

Dear Guys,

I’m a mother of three and I’ve got some experience under my belt, but I’m afraid I’ve become so jaded I look for problems in my relationships. I really think at this point my relationship is doomed though.

I’ve been seeing this man and he has one girl. My two older girls don’t care for him much because we’ve been arguing a lot…they feel it’s their fault. (It’s not) He talks way too much and I can’t get a word in edgewise sometimes. Our parenting style differs drastically…and the icing on the cake is, I feel like he keeps me a secret in casse a better offer comes along. For instance, we’ve been dating almost a year. I’ve met his mom and one friend, that’s it. I’m absolutely nowhere on his Facebook and he hasn’t introduced me to co-workers. I’ve also overheard him refer to me as a friend.

He has excuses for everything and I think ALL his “friends” are ex-girlfriends. He calls the ones he’s been with “lady friends” and so far he’s hung out with or made plans to hang out with five of them, one more than once. Am I reaching or should I just pull the plug? I’m starting to get up there in age so I don’t quite have the time to waste.

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

First, we understand your concern about your age. We won’t lie. Dating can be tough when you’re a bit older. It’s a numbers game, and even though there are many people divorced and dating, the pot of potential partners is small in comparison to people dating in their 20s and 30s. However, if your fear of being alone causes you to compromise on points you should not compromise on, you’re going to feel regret.

You should trust your gut here. What is it telling you? We can’t tell you whether or not you should stay or go, but we can tell you that if you’re feeling uncomfortable, and have concerns, it’s likely they’re valid.

We also think that friends and family know more than you might think they know. Obviously, you don’t want your daughters making your relationship decisions for you, but believe it or not, they might have some insights on the situation. And since they’re impacted directly by your relationship, you might consider their opinions as you sort through this.

Finally, when men are excited about the woman they are with, they tend to tell everyone they know. The brag about how hot and amazing she is and go out of their way to introduce her to friends, families, jeez, even strangers. It’s how they “claim” her. As in: She’s mine. Stay Away!! It doesn’t sound like that’s happening in  your case. That’s also something to consider.

Hopefully we’ve given you some things to think about. If you have follow-up questions or thoughts, please leave them in the comment’s section below. (You must be Logged In to do so. But it’s easy.)

If you need to process this further you might consider hiring the guys for Relationship Coaching. (Click the tab on our site.)

Take care of yourself,

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll tell your friends about us. Spread the word on Facebook/Twitter. Thanks.

Read more Relationship Advice and Dating Advice about dating after divorce. 

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