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Is this boy playing me?

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This week’s questions:

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Episode 35: Memorable moments from the first 34 episodes!

Dear Guys,

So my best friend and I have been talking for two months now and we do everything couples do. Thing is, he says he isn’t ready for a relationship yet. I don’t know if that’s just an excuse to play the field or if he’s serious because his girl friend of almost three years broke up with him three months ago and he’s still hurting over it. He’s taken me to meet his parents and we hang out on the weekends alone. We haven’t had sex or done anything sexual so I can’t see why he would stick with me for two months if he wasn’t interested.

He tells me that he loves me and cares about me.. I love him, I really do.. I’m just afraid to get played and not only lose the guy I’m falling for but my best friend too.. Help???

Samantha

Dear Samantha,

Thanks for your note.

This is a tricky one. It’s clear you have a great relationship with your best friend, but it’s hard to say whether it’s anything more than that. The fact that he says he loves you, and has taken you to meet his parents doesn’t necessarily say whether or not he’s in love with you. Being in love, and loving someone, can be two different things.

When the two of you are together does he talk about his past relationship? Does he confide in you? Does he try to get your point of view on it? Is he still in angst over the breakup? Is he still in contact with his ex? If the answer is yes to any of these questions it’s likely he sees you only as a friend. That’s a great type of relationship to have, and one that we think more people should try, especially guys. But this may not be the kind of relationship you were hoping for with him.

Also, since it has been three months, it seems like something should have happened by now if he was really into you, even if it was just him saying he could see being in a relationship with you but isn’t ready, or something along those lines. Has he said anything like that specifically? Or does he talk more about how much he appreciates your friendship, and that he loves you for that? Does he talk in general terms about his readiness, or in specific terms about being ready to have a relationship with you?

Samantha, if you really love him, be patient, but not too patient. Don’t sit back and try to be his buddy and then expect it to go anywhere else. You have to be pro-active, and tell him how you’re feeling and what you want. If he really cares for you, he’ll want to know what’s going on with you. Sure it might get awkward if he doesn’t feel the same way, and you might lose him as your best friend, but your great relationship doesn’t have to end. That would be up to you and how comfortable you feel being friends with him even though he’s not interested in you beyond that.

But no, you are not getting played. Getting played would imply that he is purposely trying to deceive you. That’s not what’s going on. He genuinely cares for you Samantha but he may not be in love with you. You won’t know unless you take the initiative.

Keep us posted.

THE GUYS

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