So my LDR boyfriend and I are on and off. We were broken up for a bit until recently when we started talking again. But then I found out he was on a dating site around the same time he was telling me how much I meant to him and how he would like to move to my home state to live with me. He said he’d love to spend his life with me and since he said that he hasn’t been active on the dating site at least so far. But I don’t know if he plans on using it anytime soon. So what should I do?
So questions for you. Are you linked into his computer or something? How do you know he’s been on a dating site? And what made you snoop in the first place? Has he done something to make you not trust him or are you not a trusting person in general?
The issue with your relationship is more about lack of trust and less about him being on dating sites. He may love you, but if you’re broken up, and he’s not sure you’re getting back together, then why wouldn’t he explore some other possibilities? It seems pretty logical to us.
Next question for you. Why are you on and off again? Who’s breaking up with whom and for what? We’re getting the sense that you might be the one who’s breaking up and he’s not quite sure what’s up or down. Is that true? If that’s the case, then in some ways he’s protecting himself by searching for other women to date. If that’s not the case, and he’s the one breaking up, then we could see why you might not completely trust him.
It almost doesn’t matter who’s doing what, what does matter is that the two of you are not on the same page. The next time you see each other we would suggest many heart-to-heart conversations about what each of you wants from the relationship and what you need from a relationship in general. You should also be discussing some sort of plan to be in the same city together. If that’s not on the agenda, then maybe the two of you need to rethink your relationship.
We hope this works out for you.
ps. Check out our e-report on Long Distance Relationships.