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Long distance relationship: Am I doing the right thing?

Read Monday’s question/answer: My old flame: I’d like to try again

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The Guy’s Network

Now for our most recent question:

Dear Guys,
I’m currently a junior in a VA high school. I met this guy my freshman year- his junior year-and we kind of started liking each other, and we started talking on the phone pretty much every night. By the end of the year he ended up moving to DC/MD with his  dad(non-optional). We lost contact that whole summer and then regained it by the next school year. He ended up graduating in DC/MD and I now have one year left of high school to go; we still talk every night and talk on ooVoo every once in a while. Most of my friends keep asking me why I still talk to him because they don’t like the idea of a long distance relationship. I understand what they mean but I don’t know if I should be waiting or not, also considering the fact that we have YET to see each other since he left.
I know that he is trying to buy a car because he told me “Once I get my car I’m going to see you every, if not, every other weekend because I really want you to be my girlfriend, but I couldn’t handle seeing you only once or twice a month.” I think that is sweet and all and I really do want to be with him, but I don’t want to say yes to him and then find out that we can’t really see each other as much as we want. I feel this way because I’ve known him for 2 1/2 years and he’s been gone for going on 2 years but for some reason we just can’t find a way to successfully see each other…. Am I doing the right thing by waiting around for him?

Teresa

Dear Teresa,

Thanks for writing to us. We really like how much thought you’ve put into your question.

It’s obvious you have a solid connection with this guy. He likes you and you like him. Don’t undervalue that. Yes, long distance relationships are not ideal, but sometimes life happens and we find ourselves in these situations. It sounds like you’re both handling the situation rather maturely.

However, even though you sound mature for a seventeen year old, you are kind of young to be committing to a long distance relationship. We’re not saying that’s a deal breaker because every person is different, but typically someone your age wouldn’t wait around.

Here’s our advice. Keep the lines of communication open with this guy, you never know where it might lead if it doesn’t work out right now. But don’t stop going out and having fun with your friends. We also think you should keep your options open with other guys who go to the same school as you do, or who live closer. We know this could be difficult since you have such a strong emotional connection with your long distance guy, but you really do need to keep exploring while this other situation sorts itself out-if indeed it does at all.

Please let us know if you other questions about this. Just post them in the comments section on this post. And let us know what you decide to do.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. Readers: If you have any relationship questions, or general questions about guys/men/boys, give us a call at: 347-855-GUYS, or leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll either post your letter, or answer it on our podcast. Check it out on itunes, or on the home page of this site. .

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We try to answer all the questions, but due to the volume of questions it’s not always possible. But keep asking. Thanks.

2 Comments on Long distance relationship: Am I doing the right thing?

  1. Sound advice. I think it’s very important that she continue doing things with her friends and keep her options open. There’s no sense in putting all your eggs into one basket when that basket is so far away and no firm commitment has been made.

  2. Hello,
    My first love of 24 years ago found me on facebook and long story short, we found that we both never stopped loving, pining and thinking about the other; though we both moved on with our lives and married, him 3 times and me once. He is now divorced and I am widowed. We live 4-5 hrs away from eachother and I am a FT premed student taking care of my terminally ill father and he has 2 jobs and a very young daughter with cancer, just starting to recover. Yes, we have a lot going on. We love eachother and both agrred to take it slow, but are both getting very frustrated with the seperation. Its been 6 months and we still haven’t seen eachother. Our text/talk time has decreased dramatically since he got his second FT job and since my dad took ill. I have more time on my hands than him, but less money, to go see him and visa versa. I am old fashion and think the guy should make the effort and I think he keeps dropping hints and asking me am I in his town yet. At first I thought he was joking until he said it 4 months later with more passion. I am thinking I should go and treat it like a blind date and make all the arrangements for myself the first time and then with him discuss the handling of future visits. Is this thinking ok? Will I hurt his ego if I did that? I sent him gifts 3 times in the beginning of our relationship and he was bothered by it. He said he felt as if he owed me, which I have no idea what that means. I once visited his town a few weeks after that convo just passing through overnight and he was offended that I didn’t connect with him being so close. I didn’t because if he was offended with the gifts then maybe he would be offended with me providing th hotel room also. I am so confused. I tried to have this talk with him and he said I could have asked him. Can you please advise me how to proceed without hurting his ego. I know he thinks if I love him enough I would make a real effort to see him, I just feel trapped in how to make that happen. Thanks..we. are so stressed out! Two things to note: we are both very. Clear that we want this to end in marraige when I graduate from undergrad and before I enter med school (2yrs) and second that we are in ann exclusive relationship and trust eachother fully, we have never argued, brought up or debated about others involvement in our relationship. Its always about lack of time and communication, which scares me but we are trying.

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