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So I’ve known this guy sincee middle school. In fact we dated in the eight grade. Well that was short lived but we remained friendly afterwards. In high school we didn’t have any classes together. But we talked when we passed one another and smiled. We kept things friendly. Well two years after high school while I’m in college, he contacted me via Facebook and admitted to me that he had liked me all that time but was fearful to ask me out. (I had secretly still liked him as well). So we started talking, and talking and talking. Skyping as well. We have been chatting for a few months now. Problem is, he lives eight hours away now. In conversation we may have gotten in a little too emotionally deep, sharing some very personal things. He started calling me “beautiful”, “babe”. Saying things like, “Oh, I cant wait to see you and be with you.” This is when I thought he was moving back here, where we grew up. But recently he admitted that he’s conflicted with whether to stay where he is or go. It all has to do with money and his schooling. He’s not sure where to go next. He wants to be with me, but like I said, money and finding a school and a new major is a problem. He’s not happy where he is, I at least know that much.
But because he’s suddenly unsure of where he’s going, our conversations have become a lot more friends rather than flirty. He still contacts me often to chat, share and see what I’m up to. But its gotten a lot more casual as opposed to our previously “serious about dating talk.”
Is he worth waiting for? He may or may not decide to come down to where I am. I feel like we really connect but as long as he’s at a distance, it will probably remain friendly. What do you think?… Should I stick with it, support him and wait for him to move back here?
Thanks for writing to us.
This is an interesting situation. Our first thought was, here’s a guy that doesn’t like being alone. Otherwise why would he open up to you when he thought he was going to move where you live, and then do an about face when it looked like that might not happen. It almost seemed like part of moving to a new town was having a girlfriend in place.
On the other hand it does sound like he’s had a thing for you for a long time. We like that he contacted you and finally told you how he felt. Sometimes it takes guys a long time to step up to the plate. Good for him.
After debating this for awhile we think you should keep in contact with him, but maybe at arm’s length. It’s a confusing and vulnerable time for him. He’s not happy where he is, but he’s not sure what to do about it. He needs to figure this stuff out by himself. Sure you can be a supportive friend, but we don’t think you should be the one who helps him work through this. That’s a recipe for getting left in the dust.
In general when a person is at a pivotal time in their life, that’s when they should be unencumbered by a new relationship. This gives them the freedom to make the best decision for themselves. And that’s what this guy should do; and maybe he intutively understands this. If he makes a decision that’s based on having a relationship with you, but that isn’t necessarily the best decision for his future, there’s potential for resentment, which isn’t the way to start a relationship. He’s got to make a decision about his life before the two of you can even discuss having a relationship.
So this is one of those “wait and see” scenarios Holly. We recommend you live your life, and let him live his. Talk to him if he calls you, but don’t get wrapped up in the minutia of his life. And please let him be the initiator. Once he’s feeling more settled and grounded, maybe then the two of you can start talking about being together. But once again, you’ll know whether or not he really wants to be with you if he pursues you.
We wish we could give a more definitive answer, but the nature of long distance relationships makes that difficult.
ps. Be sure to let your friends know about us.