I have been dating this guy that lives in AZ for the last 4 months. I’m in California. We get alone well and seem to enjoy each other’s company when we get together almost every other weekend.
But now I’m not seeing him for a month. So I like to talk on the phone every day. For me it helps keep us closer. Lately he hasn’t been very crazy about talking too much or too long. I understand because sometimes we talk at 1am-2am.
So I guess I would like to know how to approach this and what kind of ideas you have to make this time apart more fun. Or give some suggestions on ways to cope with the distance. In a way, I guess more for me, since I seem to be the one who he needs more reinforcement with love or attention. This is hard at times, but when we see each other it’s good and worth it…thank you!
Thanks for writing.
Long distance relationships, are by nature more difficult than a regular relationship. Both people have to be even more diligent about keeping in close contact and being sensitive to the other person’s needs. Otherwise the bond can lose some of its elasticity.
Insecurities can also mount for one person or both, because the comfort of knowing your partner will be home for dinner every night isn’t there. And when insecurities enter into the equation the imagination-or maybe not the imagination-can start to run wild…….What’s he doing? Is he out at a bar? Are there other women involved? Does he not care about me anymore? Is he cheating? And so it goes.
In your case Patricia it doesn’t sound like he’s doing any of these things. At first he was probably happy to talk with you for hours every day, but trying to sustain that, AND go to work, pay the bills, do the chores, can get to be very difficult. To us, he just sounds like he’s resumed his daily life. That doesn’t mean he’s not into you, but it means that balance has been restored, at least for him. His initial rush of hormones have receded to a more manageable level, and he’s back to taking care of business. Don’t worry, as soon as he sees you, everything will come rushing back. At least we hope!
So here are a few suggestions to help you keep in touch, and have some fun. Try limiting the phone conversations to three long ones per week(1 hour), and then maybe three short ones.(5-10 minutes) That will take some of the pressure off. Get a texting plan. Don’t go crazy. But a few texts sprinkled throughout the day could be fun. Maybe even a few “suggestive” ones to spice things up. (Be aware that it’s easy to keep a record of texts….ala Tiger Woods)
What about a daily email? Or send each other a special gift once a week? Alternate weeks. One week you send him a surprise, and another week he does. Make these little things and not expensive. It’s the thought that counts. Use your imagination. We’re sure you can think of something creative. (Articles of your clothing-and not one of your jackets!, Something engraved that’s small, movie tickets for when you come visit, etc.) Even an actual written letter is quite romantic and very fun to get! It shows how much you care.
Hang in there Patricia. Women are usually much better at keeping in touch in general, so you might have to do a little more of the prompting. But we just want to throw something out there. We don’t know what your plans are, but after another 2-4 months or so, it’s completely reasonable to ask him where things are going. You can’t have a long distance relationship forever, unless you really like it that way. And the whole goal is to one day be together in the same town, or maybe in the same house, if you love each other!
And one final thought. While you’re apart, you might want to keep yourself busy doing some new things. A book club. Learn a new language. Take a class. Pick up the guitar. Whatever.
Good luck and keep us posted.
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