Long distance, work situation: Is he interested in me or just being nice?

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Dear Guys,

Please enlighten me!

I met a guy through work almost a year ago that I really like and would like to get to know better. We live in different states, and communicate via text, IM, and e-mails.

Typically I am the one who initiates the conversation (not always), but he ALWAYS responds no matter how random the message. Also, he sent me a pic when I requested one. Would a guy do that if he weren’t interested? Or is he just being nice, and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings??  I even told him once that I felt he was giving off mixed signals and it was okay if he wasn’t interested…I’m a big girl and can handle it, blah, blah, blah. Instead of confirming or denying interest, he asked what I meant and that he didn’t think he was doing that.

All of the guys I’ve asked so far have said the same thing…that no one is that nice. If he wasn’t interested there is no way he would keep responding, especially for this long.

My girlfriends all say very different things ranging from “he’s interested” to “he has a girlfried” to “you are reading more into it”, etc.

Guys, What do you think??  Is he interested, or am I reading more into the situation than there is because I want there to be more??

Is it possible that we are both too guarded and cautious and waiting for a more direct and honest approach before opening up to each other? If that’s the case should I write a letter and put it all out there, or is that too desperate? I am desperate for the truth, not for a boyfriend…(I get asked out all the time), but there is just something about this guy that has captured my attention.

Your advice would be greatly appreciated!



Dear AJ,

Thanks for your question.

Typically if a guy doesn’t take the initiative to move a “relationship” forward we would say he’s probably not interested. However in your case, since it is a long distance situation, that maxim doesn’t apply.

How confident do you think this guy is? From our point of view it’s hard to say. Sure, he might be savvy via text and email but that doesn’t mean he feels comfortable closing the deal. And when you factor in your work connection, he may be at a loss on the best way to proceed.

When a guy asks a woman to marry him he’s usually pretty certain that she’ll say yes. A non sequitur? Not really. Because some guys want this same level of certainty even before they ask a girl out on a date. (Think high school) Maybe their ego can’t handle rejection? Either way, this particular type of guy needs some help. Your guy may fall into this group.

We agree with your guy friends. We don’t think he’d be wasting his time for this long unless he was interested in you in some way. But if that’s true we can also see why you’re confused. You’re probably wondering, ‘What is taking him so long? Why is he not asking me out? What’s his deal?’ And that’s why we understand where your girlfriends are coming from too. He’s a bit of a mystery.

So here’s what we think. This guy needs you to be the one to take the risk. Of course, really, what is the risk? Rejection? Embarrassment? Those are only risks for a person who lacks inner strength. Sure it’s never fun to be rejected, but what’s the worst that can happen here? Not much really. You feel crappy for a bit and then you move on. But at least you’ll get the information you’re seeking.

However, we don’t think you should write him a “tell all” letter. Just let him know you’re interested in more than a text/IM relationship. You could drop hints, but why be ambiguous? Tell him directly that you find him intriguing and let him know you’d be open if he wanted to arrange a visit, etc.

But DON’T do the asking yourself. He’s got to take some initiative. You’re basically doing 90% of the work here anyway. If he can’t do the last 10% then he’s not who you think he is.

Good luck. And please leave us a comment here in the comments section. We’ll respond to you here as well. And please also keep us posted. You’ve piqued our curiosity. We want to know how this turns out.


ps. Let your friends know about us. And please consider a donation to THE GUYS. (PayPal button.)



47 Comments on Long distance, work situation: Is he interested in me or just being nice?

  1. @ One of the guys-And as far as talking to other women..it sort of matters to e because he swears he doesn’t go out or anything else. All brought up by him voluntarily. I never asked. Maybe that’s the problem. He brought it up.

  2. @Annie…..Understood. We’re sorry you’re feeling fragile right now……Here’s where we stand on your situation. He’s courted you for 6 months, but it’s all been from a distance. Which means, it’s hard for either one of you to know what the other person is up to. He could be courting you AND talking to other women. (We’re not saying he is, it’s just the nature of your situation.) It’s clear you’re already emotionally invested in this guy. If you’re worried about getting more hurt, then maybe you’re not quite ready to jump back into the game yet. (Just a thought) Because as you know, the nature of dating/relationships makes you vulnerable. It’s just how it is. So you might want to give this some more thought, especially now that you’re not completely trusting him. (His inconsistent communication would give us slight pause as well.)

  3. @ One of the guys- I probably should point out he’s in the military so his schedule is I’m sure not his own and he does have children. He mentioned he’s separated but who knows if true. I trusted up until this past week for some reason. Maybe because I was having a low self esteem moment or something. Had a “you’re foolish to think someone like him would ever be solely and truly interested in someone like you” thought followed by an ” I guess you just weren’t good enough” thought she. I saw him online so much. And honestly I couldn’t say if he was online like that a lot before. I didn’t even look. It was more this time because he told me he only used Skype to talk to me and his sister. Brought up by him not me. I thought that’s a lot of talking to your sister. He knows I can see it. I’ve been out of my past relationship for almost a year and there was no issue of cheating. I made the mistake of watching a Catfish episode where the guy was thought to be an Internet player and it snowballed from there.
    I know if he truthfully has a soon to be ex that can cause a lot of drama and be time consuming. I also have learned Skype is notorious for showing online statuses incorrectly. I’ve tested it myself. I think because he’s coming here now and we might meet I freaked. I know if I see him in person that will either alleviate or substantiate my fears. Skype is useful to see someone and know it’s really them but to feel emotion or pick up on subtle nuances is hard since the screen freezes every two seconds or video/audio goes…calls drop etc. I just started feeling a little more emotion that I was expecting and my logic is that someone wouldn’t waste the time and effort into something long distance for this long if they didn’t think it could go somewhere. Or if they didn’t want it to. At least I wouldn’t. Unsure if how men think on this subject, I would think its a lot easier to focus on closer if all you’re looking for is a “good time”. Maybe I’m wrong?

  4. @ One of the guys- he’s just made some comments that made me think I was the only one. Like correcting me about how long we’ve talked. I thought less time. And reminding me he deleted his dating profile 2 days after we started talking.

  5. @One of the guys- and now that I stop and think about it. The distance started about a month and a half ago when I upset him. I did something really stupid and he questioned me on it. I apologized profusely and he said he’d get over it. But it was a couple of weeks before I heard from him again. Since then it’s been better but it what I would like. Maybe it’s normal for someone you never met though.

  6. @Annie….Right now you’re mind is spinning, trying to figure out what he’s thinking, doing. Bu you’re just driving yourself nuts. Our suggestion would be to remain open to him—if indeed you really see potential—and just see what happens when you actually meet. You’ll get more answers when you see him in the flesh. As per your question about “booty call” and would guys put this much effort into something they weren’t interested in. Well, that depends. If he’s got nothing else going on, or if he has other non-serious things going on, or if he’s going through stressful times, then sure, he might invest some time, even if he wasn’t sure how serious he was. If he’s dealing with an ex, kids, job, he might actually prefer to be talking with someone who doesn’t live where he lives. Less complicated. Why don’t you just wait and see.

  7. @ One of the Guys-I guess that’s really all I can do at this point is wait. And see if and when I hear from him again. My problem was and is that I allowed myself to become attached more than I had planned. But negativity crept in and took hold of my brain. I’m sure part of it is nerves and part is that I don’t really know him all that well. I just thought I did. I guess I just wanted an uninterested outside male observer’s opinion on the whole situation. Thank you for that.

  8. @ One of the Guys-Funny I just read one of the questions about an online thing where the guy masturbated over the phone. The guy I’m talking to has done that twice via Skype. Took him a long time to do it and it has only been twice. We’ve talked and Skyped several times without any type of sexual talk at all. Just struck me as interesting. LOL I actually looked at the date and to see where they were to see if it might be same guy.

  9. @Annie……Now that would have been interesting if it was the same guy……Try to stop second-guessing yourself and see how it goes, it may end up being great. That said, if you do end up seeing him, just keep your eyes open, in case he’s only looking for a booty call. It’s hard to say at this point. Keep us posted.

  10. @ One of the guys-Thank you so much! I will! I really appreciate you responding so quickly too.

  11. @One of the guys-Well and update of sorts. The guy I’d been talking to for about 6 months finally came back down to my area yesterday. He will be here for 2 months for work. He drove down yesterday from his family’s house and pretty much messaged me nonstop the whole time. When he got to my area he messaged to ask if he could meet me to say hi. He took a pretty major detour off his route to do so and still had about an hour and a half to go travel time (mostly because of traffic)I did meet up with him and we spent about an hour and a half together before I suggested he might want to get back on the road so it wasn’t midnight before he arrived. Since our conversations on Skype and online have been sexual in nature at times he did manage to secure a few kisses while we were together. Nothing else though. I thought maybe I’d have a better sense after meeting him what was up but I feel even more confused than before. Maybe I’m weird in the fact I wouldn’t go so far out of my way in time and effort (or travel) if I wasn’t really interested in anything. Thoughts?

  12. Hi guys!
    So I’m in a similar situation and need advice on what to do..
    So I met this guy in November while we were both on vacation in another city in Europe. We met that night and we kissed and really connected. We exchanged numbers and after that we texted and talked on the phone everyday all day long from morning till we went to sleep… for months. We live in different countries about 2500 km from each other. He travels a lot for work but rarely to where I live.

    He talked about meeting up again from the beginning. He was coming to a city near mine a week later but I was unable to join him. So he asked me if I would meet him up in 4 months in the same city where we first met.. I suggested that maybe we should meet sooner so we started planning for me to come see him in his city (which is way more exotic then mine :) ). We were just about to book the ticket when I had to cancel due to work. (The truth is I got cold feet because I had just broken up with my ex of 6 years and it felt wrong. I had a boyfriend at the time and he knew that, but it was ending with him and I moved out soon after I met this guy…

    Anyway we started planning again and we were supposed to meet in the middle but then the text messages got shorter and he would take hours and days to reply… he seemed off and less romantic. At the begging I thought that he was just busy so I didn’t worry too much but after a while I knew something was wrong. So the talking about meeting up just faded… and I never booked that ticket to the city where we first met either… He kind of disappeared on me. I didn’t confront him about it, it just kind of ended. I was in fact devastated and really sad… but then again I thought I was the one who actually stood him up 3 times. Maybe that was how he saw it?

    Ok, so we didn’t talk much for a while after that but we started again as if nothing ever happened. This time more casual and friendly. I started talking about meeting up again and I finally booked a trip to his city with a friend for holidays. And we went there about 2 weeks ago. He was really sweet and suggested we had dinner, he booked a table at a restaurant and his friends joined us later and we had really fun! And yes we had sex and it was great :) the day after he asked to see me again and we did. He talked about coming to my city and asked if I would go on a holiday with him this winter…

    We have been texting since I got back but not as much as I would have liked. I thought maybe it would get back to the way it was before if only I showed that I cared (by coming there). He later asked me by text when we’re going to meet up again. I answered: soon I hope. We haven’t talked about it since…

    In the begging of all of this he was really flirty and texted “good morning” and “good night” texts all the time. But he doesn’t anymore. When he texts it’s more to keep in touch and to ask if I’m ok.. He sometimes takes hours or days to answer and he hasn’t asked more about meeting again. He is really busy with work. I get that.. but he was busy before too and he still had time to text all day long.

    I get that this thing is a little crazy, I mean why would I want to start something with someone who lives so far from me but I really like him and I want to see him again.. I guess what I’m asking is do you think he would keep in touch if he wasn’t interested and do you think he just lost patience with me cause I kind of stood him up? Is writing to be polite and not to hurt my feelings? And what about the changing in his texting habits? Was I too forward coming there to see him? And finely, I want us to have a plan to meet again, otherwise I don’t see the point in keeping in touch.. how do I get him to suggest a meeting? Cause it is his turn right?

    Would really appreciate some kind of help here! Thanks and sorry about the long email and all the questions! :)
    Best regards

  13. @SM……We don’t get the sense he’s keeping in touch with you just to be nice, but we also don’t get the sense he’s as “all in” the way you seem to be. It could be because he doesn’t completely trust you. It could be that he removed himself emotionally after you stood him up a few times. It could be that he doesn’t see the point of getting involved in a long distance relationship, well, other than some friendly conversation, flirting, and casual sex. Questions: What countries are the two of you from? How old are the two of you? What does he do for work? You?……..We agree with you. It’s his turn. If he sees possibility here he should be the one asking when he can come see you. In fact, he should be taking more initiative than you. (At least, that’s our opinion.) And being busy with work is just an excuse, and a lame one at that.

  14. @One of the guys- thank so much for your answer!
    Yeah I get what you mean, I wasn’t always totally honest with him about my boyfriend and I’m sure he felt that. I guess, in the beginning these things are easy and casual, I wasn’t all that into it, it was him pursuing me, a lot. I just thought it was fun! And then when he started withdrawing I think I panicked or something… and it got me thinking that I let something go that could have been great.

    I’m 30 and he’s 28. I live in Sweden and he lives in Istanbul. I work with marketing and he’s an engineer for a big international firm. We never really talked about this beeing something serious but he told me he really likes me and wanted to give it a shot (was I naïve to believe that?). But of course now I have feelings for him and they didn’t get any less strong by seeing him again, rather the opposite. But it’s not the rational me thinking it’s the romantic me that wants something exciting :)

    Also, I casually brought it up when I was there and he said he lost hope that we would ever meet and it just seemed pointless I guess.. and that now that I came things changed. But I can’t feel that it changed that much. Or am I putting too much importance in how much he texts me? I mean we have been in contact almost every day for more than 6 months… ?

    Ok, so I shouldn’t bring it up with him in some way? I should just continue the casual texting and wait for him to bring the meeting up thing up? And if he doesn’t?

    I just feel empty letting go I guess, especially without talking with him about it…

    Thanks again! :)

  15. @SM…..Thanks for filling us in. It would be nice if he initiated a visit, but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him about how you feel, even if he doesn’t. Maybe even explain to him why you acted how you did initially, but how you feel differently now. Or send him an actual letter telling him your thoughts/feelings. What do you have to lose really? Our rule is: If you’re having sex, it’s not too early to discuss the relationship. In fact, he might actually be happy that you’re bringing it up. That said, he should still be the one to initiate the next trip and he should be the one making the effort to come and see you. Hopefully he will if you talk to him. What do you think? Any other questions?

  16. @One of the guys – thanks so much! Yep it’s always better to be honest I guess. Which is probably what I should’ve been from the beginning. I took your advice and sent him an honest but casual text… He answered that we should plan something this summer :) we’ll see how it goes…
    Thank again for your help!

  17. @SM…..Definitely keep us posted. Good luck. ps. And please share our site with your friends. Thanks!

  18. Hi! Nice article, I’m 23 and I met this guy in my teen that’s when I was 16 and I’ve always liked him. Back then people (that’s our friends) thought we were going out but we weren’t and I really liked him although I had a boyfriend (who was more of a friend than a boyfriend and was more private like a secret den), when I thought he was going to ask me out he simply asked if I had a boyfriend and I said No. Ok, days later I publicly ended things with my boyfriend cuz I didn’t really like him but it more or less affected my friendship with the guy I liked so for like years his phone conversation has been cold and we just drifted.
    Now 2 years ago we reconnected and I more like initiated it thru Facebook and last year we exchanged numbers and like started over. When I initiated starting over as friends I knew I had feelings for him inspite of the fact that it’s been years and I’ve dated other people but I never bargained for this urge to want to be with him (it’s driving me crazy I wish I could stop it cuz it hurts at times). Anyway he starts showing interest constantly chatting on IM and even calling, I was surprised cuz it felt like finally…..
    So early this year he said he wanted to get to know me better and I was like yea me too so we met up (he stays far i.e he relocated to a new place) but he had to leave the next day, he came back the following week and we were suppose to meet up but things came up and I couldn’t make it, I didn’t call to explain and he never called to ask why.

    A few weeks ago I contacted him thru IM and we chatted, he asked after me and one thing lead to another I told how I was crazy about him back in the old days and how it would be hard for me to get over him but that I was trying to so he said he had feelings for me then as well but he couldn’t contact me cuz I wasn’t active on social media and he asked if I was putting him in the friend zone.
    I told he’s not but he’s gradually going there (i dont know why i said that maybe cuz I want him to pursue me, fight to win me) anyway we spoke at length and I ended up telling him I was scared of losing him. He asked if I wanted to give us a try and I said I don’t know cuz he scares me (I like him a lot am not scared of being hurt, I’m scared of loving him more and giving all I’ve got but yea I want to be with him but I need a signal, something to know that yea I can).

    We were to meet up again but I cancelled cuz of work and I’ve been initiating all our conversations on IM (for a whole week) although he replies but sometimes he just goes off and doesn’t reply.

    I still really like him. Should I simply tell him what I truly feel without being subtle about it (my friends say I should drop a hint and let him work out the rest and if he can’t I shoud let hi me go) and should stop initiating our conversations on IM, what should I do

  19. @Bm…..We’re confused. Didn’t you already tell him how you feel? And didn’t he tell you? And you’ve seen him once right? Did anything happen physically? Seems to us that you’d just be honest with him. Clearly he’s scared to take the plunge, and you’re scared to take the plunge, so if somebody doesn’t step up to the plate soon, it will fizzle again. Are there risks? Sure. He could tell you he just wants to be friends? Well, yeah, maybe. But to that we say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Would we like him to step up and be the guy? Yes, for sure. But he’s young, and you have a history together, so it’s a slightly different situation. One think you do need to hear though that your friends are not telling you: STOP CANCELING ON HIM!!!!!!! (That’s not helping.)

  20. Thanx for the advice and yea you’re right I’ll stop canceling on him. What I want to know is should I met with him and tell him what I feel or call him or do that through IM like you said nothing ventured nothing gained.

    I never told him that I still had feelings for him (guess u could say I was trying to be subtle about it) and he never said how he felt now although I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said he wasn’t. We’ve never been physical just hugs and holding hands (gosh funny and a lil annoying).

    What I don’t understand is he’s been in relationships (he’s not the shy type quite the opposite in fact, I’m the shy one) so obviously he approached these ladies but why is my situation different? Please tell me…

  21. @BM…..Face to face is best for pretty much everything. Wouldn’t you say? You know it’s possible he just feels intimidated by you. Factor in the fact that you’ve known him a while and maybe he feels he needs to tread more carefully. Why don’t you ask him to get together for lunch, or coffee and just talk to him. Hasn’t he already asked you if you wanted to give “us” a try? So that’s kind of like initiating the conversation, isn’t it? Keep us posted.

  22. @One of the guys – Just thought I’d fill you in.. and maybe ask you if you have any idea what is wrong with this guy :)

    So we started to plan for our trip and he suggested he’d come here to see me… I said it would be more fun to go somewhere in the middle so we decided on a country in Europe. He asked me if I could extend the stay by 2 days and we decided on a specific date. He texted me that he found a ticket with exact time of departure.. He seemed excited. I replied back and asked what time back? He didn’t answer, so I called him thinking we were going to book those tickets, he did not answer my call. 3 days later I was really fed up and just deleted his number and him from my social media. Maybe out of anger but I was really tired of all the bullshit. Couple of days later he texted me my profile picture from facebook saying “I really like this picture” (by then we were no longer friends on facebook so I’m guessing he searched my profile, saved my picture and sent it to me. Why do that?)

    Anyway I didn’t reply, 2 days later he texted again saying “hey, hey”. I replied back “I just don’t get it, you stop answering in the middle of planning a trip then act like nothing”. No question mark even though I thought an explanation would have been nice. He had a chance to do so but he didn’t, actually i did not hear back from him, it’s been 2 months. The only sign of life I’ve gotten from him is a “like” on an Instagram picture of me. Yes, he still follows me even though I don’t, also weird…

    In the beginning I was just pissed off and thought I could get over it and move on. But lately I’ve been second guessing my reaction and wondering if I overreacted. What do you think?

    Needless to say this guy really got to me and I still care for this person. Now I want to know how he’s doing. Should I just ask or never contact him again? Will he even answer? Or should I reconnect with him on social media? (I feel so childish to have unfriended him). Or am I just crazy right now… grr soooo confused!

    Can you give me some insight on what you think happened in his annoying head or some advice of any kind? Hope to hear from you :)


  23. @SM…..Sorry. This sounds frustrating. What do we think happened? It could be a lot of things. Most likely he met someone else who lives in the city he lives in or close by. That would explain for a sudden disappearance on his end. That said, nothing really explains a sudden disappearance especially in the middle of planning a trip. What that shows is a severe lack of maturity on his end and a total lack of consideration. He behaved like a child might, someone who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. The right thing would have been to be honest with you and tell you he changed his mind or he met someone or whatever. Instead he disappeared, and then reappeared as if nothing happened??? You’re right, that is strange!
    Did you overreact? Possibly. Seemed a bit premature to erase him off social media. That said, in the end you were right. Our advice comes in a question: Do you really think this guy is going to change? He lives a long way from you and long distance relationships are difficult enough. Both people have to really want it, and have to be very mature. Maybe you should focus your efforts closer to home? What do you think? We’re sorry. We know it’s difficult to meet people you like, but he showed a side of himself that you probably shouldn’t ignore. ps. Maybe we mentioned this before, but we hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks! Like us on social media.

  24. @one of the guys thanks for your answer!
    No he will probably never change.. And you’re right about everything!

    The thing is that I’m having such a hard time accepting the fact that this meant so much to me and nothing to him. It’s just killing me. I probably read way too much into the whole thing but I was so new to the dating stuff after 6 years in a relationship, I did not see it coming and fell for it.

    And yes, he could have met someone but the amount of time between when he checked for a ticket and I removed him from fb was 3 days.. That’s a short time right?

    Could the fact that I removed him from FB and cut him off be the reason he didn’t answer? I know that he’s the kind of person to avoid conflict..

    I’ve distanced myself from the situation since and I know this is not going to be anything more. But I still feel like I want him in my life in some way.. Or I really don’t know what I want but I regret erasing him completely from my life.. what do you think about re-friending him on facebook? (I can’t believe I’m even asking you that, I’m the child!:)

    Btw I’m seeing guy’s here and I’m not spending my time pining over this guy but as a person I’m having a hard time letting people who meant something to me go…


  25. @SM…..We know this is really hard but we don’t see a compelling reason to refriend him on FB. Do you? In general, you just have to give this some time. Time to heal. Time to gain perspective. To feel stronger. Take care of yourself.

  26. Hi guys,
    I could use some advice.
    I went to on holidays for a week and met this guy. He is my cousins friend. During the holidays i had many events with my family, and he always came along, we were flirting since day one.
    We kissed on the third day, and i saw him at night on that day as well. After that we didnt go out anymore, and i came back home 2 days later. Even though we didnt go out anymore, he texted me everyday, until i got back.
    Now, we live in different countries, but i have a lot of friends where he lives, so i could easily go there.
    Im always the one saying hi on whatsapp, to keep in touch, but he is always very nice answering and keeps the convo going. But he wont iniciate a conversation. Is he interested or just being nice?

  27. @Es….It sounds like he’s interested, or at least enjoyed hanging with you and kissing you, but he probably doesn’t see the point of initiating anything since you live in different countries. You don’t say how old he is, but most younger guys aren’t going to choose a long distance relationship. They would prefer to date someone closer to home. They might do a long distance relationship if their serious girlfriend had to move, but they don’t typically want to begin a relationship that way. Make sense? Questions? Thoughts?

  28. Hey one the guys! Thanks for the quick response!
    He is 24 and im 25. So sure it makes sense.
    i maybe going to his city in a month, i also have family there. And would love to see him again, and if its serious i would move cities, but i feel like its early to think about it. Im just not sure where im standing, i like him, but i dont want to be to pushy or desperate. Should i keep texting even though im always the one starting convo? How often should i text him?
    For now im texting every 3 or 4 days

  29. @Es…..Why don’t you try NOT texting him for a week or so and see what happens? Right now, he knows you’re into him. So that gives him some control. Why don’t you chill and see if he initiates? What do you think?

  30. Hey guys so I’ve got a weird problem as well.
    I went on a business trip to help out an office and the manager there was pretty cool. So we ended up hanging out. I stayed at his place for two nights, nothing happened. Well on the 3rd night we hung out we kissed on the beach and things lead to more. We had sex and he slept with me in the bed. All cuddled and crap.
    Well he went out of town, which is why I was there to maintain his office, the day he got back I was suppose to leave but I ended up staying an extra week. The whole week he was by my side. Hung out every night sometimes have sex or just went out together. Well I left after us having a pretty great two weeks together. Instantly he was I miss you being here. When are you coming back, etc. We were talking every day on the phone or texting constantly. Since the relationship is mainly based around sex I tried to keep things exciting by sending pictures and such but now it’s kind of dropped off. Soon came excuses such I messed my phone up. I thought I replied. Etc.
    Anyway, I actually came to really like this guy or at least how hot the messages and sex was . I want to keep it going but now he barely replies and if he does I have to text or call him first. What do I do?

    Thank you

  31. @Brooke…..Obviously something is going on with him, or something changed. What changed? Well, it’s hard to say. We could speculate all day. Maybe he was told that he shouldn’t mix work/social. Or maybe he has a girlfriend that you don’t know about. Or more likely he saw it as a great two weeks with a great woman, but nothing more. On the flip-side You saw it as having potential for something even greater. We get it. That makes sense to us…….As for what to do right now? Stop initiating communication and see what happens. How long should you wait? That’s up to you, but you’re not going to get a sense of what he really thinks or feels if you keep initiating. Keep us posted.

  32. @All the Women out THere…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

  33. @All the Women out THere…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

  34. @All the Women out There…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

  35. Hello! I’m in a similar situation as the OP and would appreciate your insight a lot. Little over a year ago I met with this guy when he was in my city for work. He lives on another continent. We had a great date, hooked up, he was to leave the next day but continued texting me after getting back home and I got emotionally invested pretty quickly. At that moment he would initiate most conversations. At some point I let him know that I like him a lot, he answered with the same. We also added each other on social media, kept texting each other a lot. Suddenly though, while still enthusiastic if I initiated a conversation, he stopped texting me first altogether. At the same time he up to this day actively interacts with me via social media, likes my photos, comments on things I post, generally keeps himself present in my life. I try to do the same at a similar pace to keep things even, even though those things are far less important to me than talking to each other at least via. texts. Whats more, despite him not texting first he still managed to come to my city three more times – he once even brought his friends with him and introduced me to them. He recently confirmed he’s trying to arrange a trip to my city again. Despite all that, he still never texts me first anymore and can even go two months without texting me until I give up waiting and text him first. I hinted at being upset about that, he apologized for being too busy and stressed out yet didnt change anything. And while I feel secure about him being into me when we are together (sex, intimacy, conversations – things click the way they never clicked with other guys before) but as soon as he’s away and stops texting me I begin worrying he’s just seeing me as a casual hook up. Can it be the case? How else can I understand his lack of any initiative when it comes to talking when we are away from each other? All that while he does initiate actual meet ups and been doing so for over a year? I’d ask him but I’m afraid of rejection at this point.

  36. @M……We can’t say definitively, but he’s certainly acting like a guy who likes having sex and hanging out but does not want to put in any more effort. This would explain why he initiates meet ups. That’s all about getting his needs met. And it also explains why he disappears until he’s ready for another meet up. Seems to us that it’s time for a heart-to-heart conversation. But, that’s up to you. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks.

  37. Thanks for your quick reply. I’m planning to talk to him the next time we see each other, I’m just really anxious about it because he seems to be a great guy who doesn’t take advantage of me (we don’t even have sex everytime we meet), but the signals he sends are mixed nonetheless.

  38. @M…..Sounds like a plan. Keep your eyes open. (Actions vs Words) And keep us posted. Take care.

  39. Hi, I have similar situation with M. I met this guy through a friend, he lives in other continent too. First time we met,we hang out but i didnt want to have sex with him.
    After he went back to his country,we didn’t stay in contact oftenly. Only through facebook. He will likes my photos and I will do the same. He is the popular guy type, he has lots of friends and girls of course since he is quite attractive.
    One day, he started to text me and we chat but then he dissapear. When he text me he was friendly,flirty and very sweet. We chat 1 or 2 days then he will dissapear again, even for months. I try to understand, since we are not dating and his job requires him to travel a lot.
    Few months ago i saw on his facebook that he was in relationship. I was really sad but 2 months later they broke up and he started to like my photos again and texting me. And he asked me to have vacation with him, i agreed and went to meet him. During our vacation, he become moody, there are days that he was so nice and caring and next day he ignores me and busy with his phone and social media. I tried to ask him but he doesnt give me answers. I tried to act ok and cheer him up but he keep pushing me away.I feel like he starts to ignore me and didnt enjoy the vacation with me. I feel very hurt because he was the one who ask me to come and quite forceful even pay half of my trip. Now the vacation is over and he still doesnt talk to me but still like my photo on facebook.
    What confused me is if he isnt that into me why would he ask me to go with him,pay for me,act nicely to me but keep playing hot and cold?
    Am i only his rebound from his past relationship?
    Is he lost interest in me during the vacation? Bcause i really dont understand, he was so good and the next day he suddenly decided to be not interested?
    I really like him and i dont want to loose contact with him :( I know he is a player,he admits he would casually hook up with girls and stuffs but its really bother me that we didnt have a closure to what exactly gone wrong or what happen

  40. Additional point : I like him. Yes. I do want a relationship with him but I dont rush it into serious relationship.
    I know him for about 3 years but haven’t meet him in person until last week on our vacation.
    Or is it i’m rushing it too fast? I shouldnt go on vacation with him just yet :( is there any chance that i still can talk to him? At least as friend?

  41. @EV……Did you have sex on the vacation? If so, did his mood change after sex? Meaning, was he really nice and attentive before sex and then the day after sex, not so much? Sounds like that may be the case. In general, moodiness is not a good sign. It’s usually related to a guy’s hormones and sex.

  42. Hi guys! This is an answer that has really made me think.
    I know a guy online too (it’s been almost a year) and I noticed how he’s opened up to me. We even talked on the phone for the first time recently, even though he is shy. We text every day, although he is busy with work and university. Lately he even sent me a pic of himself (usually he only sends me pics where he isn’t seen to show me the scenery). I am so attracted to him and I can’t pinpoint why (it’s not his looks!). When we talked on the phone, we were botj nervous and he was laughing. His laughter is so precious. I want to get closer to him and have a dating possibility, but I am too shy to take a risk. I think it’s still early for me to make a move and want him to do it. Is there any way to tell of he’s interested and hint to him that I am interested?

  43. @Yuffle…….What common interests do you have? For example: Let’s say you have a particular music group in common.) If so, maybe say something like, “It would be fun to go see that band together sometime.” Or something like that. Hinting is fine. Or even being direct. But he should be the one to take the initiative to make it happen.

  44. Veronica // May 12, 2017 at 10:58 pm //

    He. I’m very confused about this guy having an interest in me since we have a long distance relationship. He lives 6 hours away from me and we having met eachother in person. We actually did have a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship and stoped talking about three years ago. But then he came back to me, I don’t know why. He at first kept appearing in my Dms on instagram sayig how was I. I did respond to him and we had a long converstation about our past. He told me if I had a Snapchat and I said no, he encouraged me to get one and so I put my snapchat name on my instagram bio. The next thing I knew, he poped up in my Dms on insta and said that I finally had a snapchat. When I loged in to my snapchat, he had already added me saying that I had finally added him! he said that he would like to give me a present since he hadn’t gave me one one on my birthday because we broked up. He said that he would ship me a present to where I live since he can’t give it to me personaly. Untill now, we still talk…I don’t really know if he ever had interest in me and if he does, I don’t know if his interest is starting to ware off beacuse he kinda takes forever to respond my snapchats. He still talks to me, but very late, he sometimes says that he was busy…but I don’t think that is the case.

  45. @Veronica…..How long was your previous relationship? Why did you break up? And was that long distance or did you live in the same city?

  46. Stephanie // May 13, 2017 at 10:37 am //


    I met a guy in Asia. I ended up being in his hometown and met with him for dinner. He mentioned having an interest in visiting me in my country. He said he would be super busy for a couple of months but would tell me when he had the time to book a flight / drive to my state.

    He has not put much effort in texting since then, but has suggested potential dates to meet. When the initial weekend did not work, he suggested trying to get together over another weekend.

    What is the point of him text messaging me?
    Does he have some sort of interest, or does he see it as an easy, no-strings-attached hook-up?
    We did no hook-up when we met.

  47. @Stephanie….Based on his limited effort, it doesn’t sound as if he’s thinking of this as anything more than having a little fun, which includes sex. That said, maybe just see how this goes for a little bit longer. You could also be very clear with him that you’re not going to hook up with him the first time that you meet. And then see if he sticks around and keeps wanting to see you. Just a thought. What do you think?

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