Relationship and Dating Advice: Can’t live with men and can’t live without them

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Hi Guys,

I recently met a man while at a work conference. Sadly we met on the last day, while he had been trying to meet me from lunch time day one. (I’m a bit “dense” when it comes to men). We remain in contact, however; he lives a hour flight away. I’m not rushing into anything, but he remains in contact with me via Facebook and text since we met.

How do I let him know I’m interested in getting to know him more without “freaking” him out?

Shall I listen to the media and wait for him to text me each time, or is it acceptable to text him? It is a challenge when the communication is electronic because of lack of body language etc, But he initiated for us to remain in the contact when we went our own ways. He is a doctor, so he is busy with his change of schedule and location. I am a nurse studying post-grad papers, so we are both occupied. I appreciate and accept his life is busy, but wish to let him know, “Hey… I’m here, I want to talk to you more and wish to get to know you.”

He is nice and does text me on his breaks and is quick to reply when I reply to his texts. However, he said he would text me today and now that I have finished having a busy day, I finally thought, “Hey he said he was going to text me.” That has left me wondering if I should I text him??,

What do you suggest?



Thanks for your question.

Typically we would suggest letting the guy be the initiator, but taking into account your particular circumstances, we think it’s okay for you to do some of the initiating. Relationships need momentum to get going, like a train working up a head of steam. Without someone taking the lead in a relationship—and yours being a long distance relationship, which is even harder to get going—it will never get off the ground.

We say, go for it. Since he was the one who wanted to remain in contact, it’s obvious he’s interested in you. We can’t say if it’s just a physical attraction, or if he wants a relationship, but he is interested. So go ahead and text him when you feel like it. If he’s into you he’ll be happy you reached out to him. Just don’t go overboard.

Long distance relationships don’t have that natural day-to-day flow to them. They unfold very differently than “same town” relationships, because some of the action has to be forced, otherwise stagnancy occurs. And since so much is done by phone, or other electronic devices, it’s up to the two people involved to by hyper vigilant when it comes to communicating. Hopefully the two of you will develop some routines, and patterns, to help you get to know one another, and help get this relationship off the ground.

Good luck and keep us posted. Leave us a follow up comment, or feel free to ask another question.


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1 Comment on Relationship and Dating Advice: Can’t live with men and can’t live without them

  1. meredith // June 25, 2011 at 11:57 am //

    hi guys
    thanks for your reply. It has been a month now since we met and earlier this month he asked me to visit him, so i went away for the weekend and it was fantastic. (won’t go into details) but he was a gentleman and treated me like a woman. great. the contact remains and he plans on visiting between his exams and courses (within the following two to three weeks). i follow my gut and text him when it feels right. just little texts like what i got up to for the day. i didn’t text him one day as i was out of cell coverage and later that night he text saying ‘hey, are you okay?? i haven’t heard from you today. I enjoy getting your texts’ so that was a positive (right?). he has been on nights for the last two weeks so contact has been minimal but still existent…. although… the insecurities are slipping in slowly.. he texts me once in a while with “im lonely and so tired, i wish you were by my side” stuff like that and this gets me having a nice feeling but then i think oh man, what if he gets so lonely and reaches out to another girl!!!!…….
    I’ve decided what i want and that is for us to give it a shot and see where it takes us. So i am going to go against the media etc and tell him my honest feelings how i feel about him and what i want and listen to his thoughts about it. I like to know where i stand and am not into frivilous relationships (even if they are fun at the begining).
    Waffle waffle waffle. Thanks guys for your encouraging email. You guys rock

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