Mixed Signals; is he just playing me?

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Hi Guys,
I met this guy at the gym. I made the first move by introducing myself to him because we were having lots of eye contact. He was pretty respectful and nice. He added me on Facebook and was always talking to me and texting me. We went to the movies during the week.

The next night, he wanted to go to the pool and it was really fun. We went in the sauna with closed lights and we kissed and stayed there for three hours. After that I don’t know what happened. We started talking less and then I wasn’t sure if he was interested because we didn’t talk about it. We didn’t talk for around two weeks, and he only texted me occasionally.

Then, one of his friends started flirting with me and this guy got jealous and said his friend was a player. Then, one night, I just thought to myself that I should be straightforward with him just to be clear. So I called him to meet up. But he couldn’t. I told him I wanted to meet face to face. But he wanted to know then so I told him everything-how it was weird between us now, and kind of awkward. He said it was, but it’s because we didn’t know each other for very long. He didn’t say much more and I said we should talk more when I see him.

I felt so much better after this! At least, he knew what I thought and that I don’t play games. I then saw him again at the gym and we didn’t talk because I didn’t make the move to talk to him even though we looked at each other a bunch.

Did I make it clear that I was interested? And is he giving mixed signals? And should I just move on? Should I talk to him more at the gym? He is not making the move.

Thank youuu!!


Dear Rose,

Thanks for your question.

We’re not sure what’s up with all this partial hooking up leading to confusion, but it seems we’ve gotten a lot of questions like this recently.

We don’t think you got played, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. He might, but he might not. You can only be played if there’s deception going on. And it doesn’t sound like there is because the two of you never discussed anything. So yes to mixed signals, but no to getting played.

But Rose, he should be the one pursuing you, especially now that the two of you have had a “moment.” If he’s not pursuing you then he’s probably not interested in you, or he’s not interested in a relationship; and for all intents and purposes the two are the same.

However, if you don’t want to feel any regret, put yourself out there and tell him how you feel, and what you want. But don’t do this at the gym. You need to meet with him some place where the two of you can be alone, or at least talk in private. If it’s really difficult to get him to do this, then that will tell you all you need to know.

And remember, if you’re wondering, should I or could I have done more before I moved on, then you probably could have. Talk to him and keep us posted.

Good luck,


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12 Comments on Mixed Signals; is he just playing me?

  1. I have been seeing a guy for years on and off, but although he has wanted a physical relationship with me, I haven’t given him anything but kisses even though I am attracted to him. I have issues because of past heartbreaks and trauma. Now he says things have changed with him in an email, and we need to talk. He said he would call me but it’s been a few days, and I haven’t heard from him. Let me add that I have emailed him that I know he is probably fed up with waiting for me to open up sexually, and has probably found someone else. I told him I would be willing to give myself to him with no strings attached, and that even if he has someone else he should at least see what it is like with me.

  2. @Jma…….From a guy’s perspective, two years is a long time to wait to be physically intimate with someone—especially someone you care about. We think you’re right when you say he’s probably fed up and found someone else. But just to be clear: We’re not saying you did anything wrong. Your feelings and beliefs are just as valid as anyone else’s. We’re just saying we know guys, and that’s a long time to wait even for the patient guy. So what is your question exactly?

  3. Hi Guys,

    I workout every day, and over the past two years I have been crushing on a guy that works out at the same time as me. I think he might be interested, but to be honest I have never been good at reading signals. I’ve seen him check me out, he’s seen me check him out and he smiled at me once but I was in the middle of counting reps and didn’t smile back because he caught me off guard. I know I am interested in him, but was hoping to get advice on how to approach him? I don’t want to creep him out or annoy him, maybe just have a casual conversation to see if his persona matches his braun? How can I go about approaching him at the gym without being creepy or looking like I’m desperate?

    Thank you,


  4. @Jenny…The good news is, if a guys thinks you’re cute, he won’t think you’re creepy if you approach him. You could almost do anything and he wouldn’t care. If he’s not into you, well, then all bets are off. If you get the sense he’s into you, then take the risk and just approach him to chat briefly. You could start by talking about working out, and them move from there. Sometimes all guys need is a little opening so they know they won’t get shot down if they try to ask a girl out. And when it’s in a public setting like the gym, a place where he wants to keep going without feeling uncomfortable, the risk/reward is more tenuous. But after you break the ice, he then needs to initiate after that. Don’t panic if it doesn’t happen right away. Sometimes these things take a few weeks or so after the ice is broken. Hope this helps. Keep us posted and good luck. Ask as many follow up questions as you’d like. Also check out some of our other posts on the topic. Here’s one: The Gym Guy ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. Share our website on Facebook and Twitter. We appreciate it!!

  5. So I have met this trainer at the lifetime gym that I have been ignoring, but I catch him starring at me. He offered for me to workout with him and after he kept asking, I finally said yes. (for I have been teasing him that it wouldn’t be that hard and I need a real workout) I tried to impress him and showed off how fit I was during the work out(which has left me very sore). Anyways, he asked me to come back and he would really make it hard. well, I have gone to him twice, and he has asked me to let him know when I am ready to do the next workout, while he has been doing all of this without pay and tells me not to worry about it. He has been very professional and hasn’t tried to hug me or anything. I am just confused. Why is he doing this? He obviously likes me, but he hasn’t asked me out or anything. What is the point of this and should I been cautionary? Sometimes during the workouts it felt as if I was paying him because he wasn’t necessarily flirting with me. He was professional. I am just confused. People don’t train people for free without reason. However, most douche trainer guys hit on their clients and try to feel them up and are pretty open about their intentions if you ask me. help?

  6. @Dana…..So what exactly do you want? Because you’re kind of saying two different things. 1. You wish he would ask you out. 2. Trainers that hit on their clients are douches. This is probably his conundrum. He’s not sure what to do. It sounds like he’s attracted to you, but he probably doesn’t want to be perceived as a douche, like you say. There’s also likely some sort of policy at his gym forbidding him to hit on clients. Let us know what you want and we’ll offer some more opinions.

  7. @the guys
    I want him to ask me out! lol
    I really am not his client so I don’t understand the issue. I feel like thats kinda an excuse. He has my number, he could call anytime. I just don’t understand why he hasn’t. You would think he is working up to asking me out, but when will that happen. If he doesn’t want to get involved, why offer me free sessions and try to talk to me.

  8. @Dana…..How much do you like this particular gym? Because we’re thinking that maybe you need to drop a few hints or flat out tell him to call you. (With the understanding that if it doesn’t work out, you may or may not want to go back to this gym.) First of all you shouldn’t be training for free. What if you said something like, “I should pay for these training sessions. But if you’d like to get together sometime you have my number.” That certainly takes the ambiguity out of the equation. If you’re not comfortable with the direct approach then you’re going to just have to be patient. How long has it been anyway?

  9. I told him I was done with the sessions pretty much after two, but he still offers them. I won’t take them, its too hard. lol Plus, kinda awkward. Anyways, it has been like a few months of hellos goodbyes and little small talk. About 2 weeks of the training and talking more. So not long. I just want to know if I am wasting my time or if he will ask me to do something. I am just going to wait and see what happens, I will wave if I see him, but I am not the kinda girl that chases a guy.

  10. @Dana…Two months is actually a pretty long time. If he doesn’t ask you out soon, it might be time to move on. We’re not sure what his hesitancy is, but something is holding him back. Why don’t you give it another 2-3 weeks and then forget it. That would be our suggestion. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it. Also, take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page.

  11. I’ve gone on two dates with a guy I met at a date auction and I’ve realized that I really like him. Both dates were great, we talked for like 3 hours each time immediately after the date. But he never brought up anything about a relationship. So i feel like he’s giving me mixed signals. He doesn’t text or call me unless he wants to go out on the weekends. Could it be because he’s in medical school? Also, we met up at a lounge the other night and danced all night long. As a matter of fact, he had his hands on my waist the whole night and we were dancing so close to each other almost like he wanted to kiss me but he never did. At the end of the night he gave me two hugs. The last hug was pretty sensual like I could sense he wanted me but he never mentioned anything. So I’m confused. Does he like me? I can’t tell.

  12. @Ms14…..It’s too early to tell. And you’d probably have a better idea than we would. Give it a little more time and see how it goes. If he doesn’t make the moves in the next two dates it’s likely you’re in the friends zone. Good luck.

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