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More than friends?

Dear Guys,

So, there’s this guy that I like. He’s a little bit younger than me, but we’re pretty much on the same maturity level. He acts kind of flirty with me – in my opinion- he’s always touching me – on the arm, my back, my side, anywhere – and he’s constantly making sexual references or even references to us possibly having kids in the future. He’ll often ditch his guys to hang out with me for hours and he’s really sweet. When he’s around them, that’s when he’s more sexual. It seems like he’s flirting but here’s the thing, he’s also one of my good friends.

Where does the friendship end and the flirting begin? And if he doesn’t like me, how do I get him to tone it down?

Kayla

Dear Kayla,

Thanks for writing. Your situation, although tricky, is not that uncommon. Becoming romantically involved with someone who has always just been a friend can actually be a natural progression. It’s not always the way it works, but if it does progress that way, you may end up with an ideal partner; someone you love, who is also your best friend.

The question becomes, how do you let this guy know you want something more? Or do you wait until he decides he wants something more?

Relationships always involve some sort of risk. Often it’s an emotional risk, like a broken heart. In your case, you also risk losing a close friend if it doesn’t work out. Is that worth it to you? This is something you have to decide. For us, love seems worth the risk. But that’s just us.

This guy is definitely into you, or he’s playing huge mind games with you. Touching you, ditching his friends, making sexual references and talking about having kids with you, are all signs that he wants more from you than just friendship. But it also sounds like he’s afraid to take the leap into that unknown place full of risk, which is kind of lame from our point of view. However that’s the way it goes sometime. So guess what Kayla. It sounds like it’s going to be up to you to take the leap. Someone has to. (This is very similar to the advice we gave in our last post. See our answer.)

You don’t say how old you are so we can’t give you advice on the best way to approach him. But being direct has always worked for us. It’s fast and it’s clear. And if it works out, it will be great. If it doesn’t, it will be over quickly and you can start moving on.

Good luck and keep us posted on how it works out.

Yours,

THE GUYS

10 Comments on More than friends?

  1. I agree with the Guys. He’s into you. He just needs a green light.

    Now, next time he starts acting all flirty with you, lean into his ear and tell him to put up or shut up. Then look into his eyes. Maybe raise an eyebrow.

    You should see your answer.

  2. Yep, he’s definitely into you. Learn how to receive signals and reciprocate if you are interested. Guys have insecurities too, you know!

  3. That, or carry a tennis racket around with you. When he starts up just boink him.

  4. To Kayla, I would say he’s definitely feeling you out with his innuendos, flirting and touching. It’s like The Guys said before, in so many words, that men, like women, don’t like risk having their hearts broken so they do these little tests with flirting and sometimes light touching to see how their potential date will respond. The fact that he’s sexing it up a bit more around the other guys isn’t too surprising, but it is a little nauseating. At least it would be to me if I were a woman, I suppose. Some guys do that kind of thing. I never have in my “single years” but that’s just me.

    Anyway, the advice of The Guys is, once again, sound. The direct approach from you will likely be the only way you’ll get a real answer about his intentions. I suspect he wants to be more than friends by the way he’s acting.

  5. I think the guys are right, it sounds like he is into you. Of course, making the first move can be much harder than it sounds. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

  6. The Guys are always spot on in their advice. I say go for it!

  7. Like DateGirl would say the Guys are spot on too… so go girl ! and Good luck 🙂

  8. I really pissed in my chili the last time I weighed in on one of these questions, so I am keeping my opinions to myself this time!!

  9. This sounds like something I experienced in college, most likely Someone else in your group has the hots for you too, which would explain the increased sexual flirtation in front of them. He is marking his territory! Listen to The Guys, they are giving you great advice!

  10. Question: So a few months ago a really good friend of mine said he wanted to “introduce” me to his brother. His brother lives overseas so introduce really just means connect us on facebook! Well we’ve really hit it off and have talked on facebook chat or skype nearly everyday for the past 2 months now (but we still havent met in person). From the way that things started I felt the purpose of us getting to know each other was for possibly dating and the guy sure was flirting a ton and asking me really personal questions..but he kept calling me his friend. So I asked him out right what his intentions were. He admitted he talks to me more than anyone else and gave all these good qualities he likes about me and even said there wasnt anything in particular holding him back… but then he said he just wanted to be friends. I told him I didnt want to keep investing so much then…he toned it down a bit but was still contacting me at least every 2 days. Now (about a month after our talk) he is flirting all over the place again, complimenting my appearance. He even put my picture up as his profile picture on fb. What is he doing? Does he want to be more than friends but maybe is waiting until after we meet in person? He still keeps calling me “friend”. If you don’t think he wants to be more than my friend, should I talk to him and ask him to back off some cause its definitely messing with my emotions. Please help decipher!

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