So, there’s this guy that I like. He’s a little bit younger than me, but we’re pretty much on the same maturity level. He acts kind of flirty with me – in my opinion- he’s always touching me – on the arm, my back, my side, anywhere – and he’s constantly making sexual references or even references to us possibly having kids in the future. He’ll often ditch his guys to hang out with me for hours and he’s really sweet. When he’s around them, that’s when he’s more sexual. It seems like he’s flirting but here’s the thing, he’s also one of my good friends.
Where does the friendship end and the flirting begin? And if he doesn’t like me, how do I get him to tone it down?
Thanks for writing. Your situation, although tricky, is not that uncommon. Becoming romantically involved with someone who has always just been a friend can actually be a natural progression. It’s not always the way it works, but if it does progress that way, you may end up with an ideal partner; someone you love, who is also your best friend.
The question becomes, how do you let this guy know you want something more? Or do you wait until he decides he wants something more?
Relationships always involve some sort of risk. Often it’s an emotional risk, like a broken heart. In your case, you also risk losing a close friend if it doesn’t work out. Is that worth it to you? This is something you have to decide. For us, love seems worth the risk. But that’s just us.
This guy is definitely into you, or he’s playing huge mind games with you. Touching you, ditching his friends, making sexual references and talking about having kids with you, are all signs that he wants more from you than just friendship. But it also sounds like he’s afraid to take the leap into that unknown place full of risk, which is kind of lame from our point of view. However that’s the way it goes sometime. So guess what Kayla. It sounds like it’s going to be up to you to take the leap. Someone has to. (This is very similar to the advice we gave in our last post. See our answer.)
You don’t say how old you are so we can’t give you advice on the best way to approach him. But being direct has always worked for us. It’s fast and it’s clear. And if it works out, it will be great. If it doesn’t, it will be over quickly and you can start moving on.
Good luck and keep us posted on how it works out.