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So after two years of deciding that finding the right guy was impossible like a typical, pissed-off, 22 year-old sorority girl, I ended up meeting an incredible guy three months ago who seemed like a real prince charming. He took me out on romantic dates, held the door, walked me home, brought me roses just because, e.t.c.
I am not even close to this high maintenance and generally do not require this much attention from guys although the good morning texts really brightened my days as well as evening phone calls and texting when he was not able to come over that day. I was pretty much blown away that there were still guys like this around, and the fact that after my relationship failures of the past I had found a really nice and caring guy who actually listened when I talked and who I had fun with was mind-blowing.
So anyway, we eventually become official after about a month, and then everything changed two weeks after that. He stopped calling, and now only texts me when I text him. He stopped making an effort to hang out. Then last week when I was leaving the state for a month he told me he was sorry but could not see me before I left because he made vacation plans for the weekend. Now we barely talk and I just feel annoying when I try to contact him which is ridiculous because he is my boyfriend and he was so into me a couple weeks ago. There were no fights or disagreements that brought this on, and the only conclusion I can come to is that he’s over me or the family issues he’s dealing with are too much.
Now I am away and miserable, and part of me wants to just dump him, but I also need to know if there is any hope. People keep telling me to have a talk with him, but I know how that whole psycho girlfriend “we need to talk” thing goes, and I really don’t want to be that girl.
Thanks for your question. We’re sorry you’re feeling so miserable.
We can think of two explanations for his odd behavior, and his change of heart. (If that’s what’s going on.)
1. Here’s a guy who loves the IDEA of being in love. He’s a romantic, and he loves how he feels when courting a woman. But he’s also a guy that tends to do a 180 whenever his relationship “fantasy” starts to feel more real. (As soon as you became a couple he started backpedaling.)
2. He had sex with you and then decided he wasn’t that into you. We say this because a guy—most guys—don’t really know how they feel until they have sex with a woman. (Maybe not after one time, but a few times.) That’s when they can really gauge their feelings. That’s when they deal with the precipitous drop in hormones, and have to ask themselves the hard question: “Do I really care for this woman, or was I just really horny?” Sorry to be so crass about it, but when you break it down to its simplest form, that’s what it looks like. And this isn’t really about Good Sex vs. Bad Sex, it’s something deeper that guys either feel or don’t feel.
You mention family issues, but we doubt that has anything to do with it. In fact, having a woman you love during hard times is a wonderful thing, for support. (Having a woman you love is wonderful in good times too.) So if he’s saying this is the issue, it’s just an excuse. And don’t make this excuse for him.
We agree with your friends. You need to talk with him about what’s going on. You deserve an explanation. And frankly, we already have an uneasy feeling about this, so if he freaks out and tells you that he can’t date you because you’re putting too much pressure on him, well, then that’s just another excuse. What we’re saying is, we can’t guarantee a positive outcome if you have “the talk.” But we can guarantee you’ll get answers. And that’s what you need right now. Don’t worry about the “psycho girlfriend” moniker. In our minds, he’s the one who’s flirting with that label.
What do you think? Responses? If you have follow-up questions leave them in the comments section below this post. We’re happy to answer as many as you have.
Take care and good luck,
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Read More Relationship Advice and Dating Advice: Men Pulling Away