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Hear the interview with Actor Charles Shaughnessy. You might know him from the sitcom “The Nanny.”
So I fell hard for this genuine Christian guy who is going into the marines next year. We both got into the relationship knowing that he would be leaving in January.
He chased after me, and it was different from my last relationhips because he worked hard to keep me. He was overall a good guy, but never had been in a relationship before so this was all new to him. Well, all in all, we complimented eachother well, and fell hard. I thought that his parents liked me to until he randomly (outta nowhere) he broke it off.
Now he is almost 20 years old, lives in a wealthy neighborhood, and his parents are a huge influence in his life. And when he said it was over, he kept mumbling about his parents and pastor telling him stuff wasn’t okay. But when I straight up asked him if this was what he wanted he looked torn and wouldn’t look me in the eyes. I was so blown away, and I didn’t see this coming. What ended up happening was his mom actually told me she thought I was a liar and bad influence on him. She was dragging out dumb stuff that wasn’t a big deal but making it sound like it was. All in all I got hurt by him and his mom, and he hasn’t talked to me since. It’s been about 3 weeks.
My question is do you think he’ll ever come around, or should i just let it go and completely forget him forever? I just need insight I guess.
Thanks for writing to us. This type of question seems to be coming up a lot lately.
Parents are supposed to guide their children not control them. But since many of us(THE GUYS) are parents ourselves, we understand how fine a balance this can be. When parents try to control their kids it often stems from some kind of fear. It sounds like that’s the case here. His mother is scared you’ll derail her son from the path she has so carefully laid out for him. But eventually he needs to start making his own decisions, otherwise he’s going to have a hard time forging his own relationships.
The problem you have here Phoenix has less to do with his mother and more to do with your boyfriend. We don’t know if it’s his religious background or his desire to please his parents, but if he’s not willing to stand up to them for you, he might not be worth hanging around for.
Freud understood how strong a bond mothers and sons have. And you can learn a lot about a guy by his relationship with his mother. (Not always 100% accurate, but a good indicator.) But the relationship becomes unhealthy when a son becomes a “mama’s boy” and never breaks free from her influence, even as an adult. When guys continue to heed their mother’s word above their current girlfriend or god forbid, their wife, that’s when it becomes a huge problem.
We understand this boy is young. Twenty is not that old in the grand scheme of male maturation, but it’s old enough for him to start thinking for himself.
So we’ll answer your question with a question. If he’s not willing to stand up for your relationship, is he someone you want to wait around for?
Hope this gives you the insight you were looking for. Leave us a follow up comment, and keep us abreast of the situation.
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