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My marine just decided to call it quits; is there still hope?

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Dear Guys,

So I fell hard for this genuine Christian guy who is going into the marines next year. We both got into the relationship knowing that he would be leaving in January.

He chased after me, and it was different from my last relationhips because he worked hard to keep me. He was overall a good guy, but never had been in a relationship before so this was all new to him. Well, all in all, we complimented eachother well, and fell hard. I thought that his parents liked me to until he randomly (outta nowhere) he broke it off.

Now he is almost 20 years old, lives in a wealthy neighborhood, and his parents are a huge influence in his life. And when he said it was over, he kept mumbling about his parents and pastor telling him stuff wasn’t okay. But when I straight up asked him if this was what he wanted he looked torn and wouldn’t look me in the eyes. I was so blown away, and I didn’t see this coming. What ended up happening was his mom actually told me she thought I was a liar and bad influence on him. She was dragging out dumb stuff that wasn’t a big deal but making it sound like it was. All in all I got hurt by him and his mom, and he hasn’t talked to me since. It’s been about 3 weeks.

My question is do you think he’ll ever come around, or should i just let it go and completely forget him forever? I just need insight I guess.

Phoenix

Dear Phoenix,

Thanks for writing to us. This type of question seems to be coming up a lot lately.

Parents are supposed to guide their children not control them. But since many of us(THE GUYS) are parents ourselves, we understand how fine a balance this can be. When parents try to control their kids it often stems from some kind of fear. It sounds like that’s the case here. His mother is scared you’ll derail her son from the path she has so carefully laid out for him. But eventually he needs to start making his own decisions, otherwise he’s going to have a hard time forging his own relationships.

The problem you have here Phoenix has less to do with his mother and more to do with your boyfriend. We don’t know if it’s his religious background or his desire to please his parents, but if he’s not willing to stand up to them for you, he might not be worth hanging around for.

Freud understood how strong a bond mothers and sons have. And you can learn a lot about a guy by his relationship with his mother. (Not always 100% accurate, but a good indicator.) But the relationship becomes unhealthy when a son becomes a “mama’s boy” and never breaks free from her influence, even as an adult. When guys continue to heed their mother’s word above their current girlfriend or god forbid, their wife, that’s when it becomes a huge problem.

We understand this boy is young. Twenty is not that old in the grand scheme of male maturation, but it’s old enough for him to start thinking for himself.

So we’ll answer your question with a question. If he’s not willing to stand up for your relationship, is he someone you want to wait around for?

Hope this gives you the insight you were looking for. Leave us a follow up comment, and keep us abreast of the situation.

THE GUYS

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2 Comments on My marine just decided to call it quits; is there still hope?

  1. Dear guys, I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years. My boyfriend and I have been through a lot. We both love each other a lot and share an extremely close bond. He has recently asked my dad for my hand in marriage. As close as we are and as good as I believe our marriage would be, I struggle with feelings of resentment. Several years ago, he was “texting” a girl on occasion and flirting. Although he never was alone with her, there were two instances where he ended up at the same place she and another couple were at. He sent an email to her in front of me expressing that he never had feelings but realized he led her to think he did and thst he is serious about me and not willing to risk that. He has expressed his apologies to me but insisted and swore he never desired to even date her. I know what we have is bigger than this and I know he never showed any affection toward ger but I struggle with insecurity and bitterness because of it. It was very insulting for me to go through.

  2. @Rachel…….So you must just want to know our opinion, right? Because you didn’t really ask a question, so we’ll assume. We can understand why you’d be upset. It’s not what he did, but the fact that he possibly had doubts about you and your relationship. (Even though he said he didn’t or doesn’t.) But let’s say he did. That happens. It’s normal for people to want to know for sure that way they have is real. Maybe you’ve certain from the beginning, but he’s not you. Just like some people know exactly what career they want to pursue when they enter college at 18, and some have no clue. It sounds like he has a more circuitous personality and so it makes sense for him to wonder. Yes, maybe he shouldn’t have been doing that, but it could have been a 100 times worse. And he’s apologized and moved on. Now you have to. We think you need to get over this and focus on what’s good in your relationship, which sounds like a lot. And the bottom line is, you either believe his explanations or not. Remember this: If you choose to forgive and move on then this should never be brought up again. It won’t bode well for your relationship if you hold this over his head forever. He made a mistake. (He didn’t sleep with her or anything.) He’s acknowledged it and apologized. Now it’s up to you to get over it. Does this help? Your thoughts? ps. If you think you need to talk this out more we’d suggest couples counseling. No shame in that. It might help you work through this. Finally, we hope you’ll share our site with friends. Facebook, Twitter. We appreciate it. Thanks!

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