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Hey, sorry this is long.
This guy I used to talk to over the summer I have recently started talking to again. We met last June when mutal friends all went out to a bar. I was interested but he seemed pretty shy so I was the one to approach him. We talked for a little that night and then we saw each other the next week at the same bar. We started talking more and the next time I saw him out he ended up kissing me, but never asked for my number. I ended up being the one to ask, messaging him on Facebook and we exchanged numbers. We hung out a few more times with friends and eventually started talking everyday. We would stay up extremely late talking to each other on the phone about everything. We eventually started hanging out alone, flirting and joking around, enjoying each others company. We even started kissing all the time and stuff but never had sex. I have never met his family and I knew he just got out of a relationship and didn’t want another right then. I then went back to school, which is an hour away from where he lives and we slowly stopped communicating as much. One night I said he was acting weird and he never responded.
I stopped texting him and just got over it and moved on. I heard from a friend that he said he didn’t know why he stopped talking to me and that I was a really nice girl. Since I used to talk to him everyday and we did build a friendship, I contacted him on Christmas to say merry Christmas. We would talk here and there but never like we used to. We hung out once in January with friends and we talked breifly about old times.
In the beginning of March he texted me saying he wanted to come visit. I said he was welcome to whenever and since that night we have started talking everyday again. I went home one weekend shortly after he texted me and we hung out. Everything went great and felt comfortable like it used to. Since then we started hanging out more, he has even come visit here a few times. We talk everyday, mostly through texting but occasionally phone calls. We flirt a lot when we do talk and recently we’ve started having sex. He calls me babe sometimes and sometimes says how he wishes he could be here with me. I usually am the one to actually ask him to hangout but he always seems interested.
I usually tend to push people away but for some reason, not with him. Although I do express my feelings a little bit I definitely hold back a lot because I’m not sure what he wants. I know he wasn’t ready for another relationship over last summer but I’m not sure if he is now, or ever will be!
Thanks for writing to us.
It’s too early to tell what’s going to happen here. He obviously is interested in you, but as far as a long term interest you’ll just have to wait and see.
We think you need to tone it down and step it up.
You should tone it down by letting him take the initiative more. Let him ask you to do things. You might be frustrated by this if he doesn’t move at a pace of your liking, but it will give you a better indication of his interest. We think you’re making it way too easy for him because you’ve pretty much initiated all the forward movement of this relationship.
You should step it up by expressing your feelings to him. You don’t have to tell him everything, but you need to take this relationship out of your head and onto the table. If you reveal a bit of how you’re feeling, he might open up to you about what’s going on for him.
The last thing we’ll say is: Time will give you more answers. It’s too soon to really know where this is going, especially since you’re at school and essentially in a long distance relationship. The good news is that he seems interested in making the effort to come see you at school, but still he needs to start initiating these weekend hangs. Also, be aware that he could be visiting you just for sex. We’re not saying that’s the case, but guys have been known to travel long distances for some action. This is why you need to start gathering more information soon. But in order to do that you’re going to have to give up some control, externally and internally.
Keep us posted and feel free to ask any follow up questions. Leave us a note in the comment section of this post.
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