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Not sure if he’ll ever commit

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Dear Guys,

Hey, sorry this is long.

This guy I used to talk to over the summer I have recently started talking to again. We met last June when mutal friends all went out to a bar. I was interested but he seemed pretty shy so I was the one to approach him. We talked for a little that night and then we saw each other the next week at the same bar. We started talking more and the next time I saw him out he ended up kissing me, but never asked for my number. I ended up being the one to ask, messaging him on Facebook and we exchanged numbers. We hung out a few more times with friends and eventually started talking everyday. We would stay up extremely late talking to each other on the phone about everything. We eventually started hanging out alone, flirting and joking around, enjoying each others company. We even started kissing all the time and stuff but never had sex. I have never met his family and I knew he just got out of a relationship and didn’t want another right then. I then went back to school, which is an hour away from where he lives and we slowly stopped communicating as much. One night I said he was acting weird and he never responded.

I stopped texting him and just got over it and moved on. I heard from a friend that he said he didn’t know why he stopped talking to me and that I was a really nice girl. Since I used to talk to him everyday and we did build a friendship, I contacted him on Christmas to say merry Christmas. We would talk here and there but never like we used to. We hung out once in January with friends and we talked breifly about old times.

In the beginning of March he texted me saying he wanted to come visit. I said he was welcome to whenever and since that night we have started talking everyday again. I went home one weekend shortly after he texted me and we hung out. Everything went great and felt comfortable like it used to. Since then we started hanging out more, he has even come visit here a few times. We talk everyday, mostly through texting but occasionally phone calls. We flirt a lot when we do talk and recently we’ve started having sex. He calls me babe sometimes and sometimes says how he wishes he could be here with me. I usually am the one to actually ask him to hangout but he always seems interested.

I usually tend to push people away but for some reason, not with him. Although I do express my feelings a little bit I definitely hold back a lot because I’m not sure what he wants. I know he wasn’t ready for another relationship over last summer but I’m not sure if he is now, or ever will be!

Audrina

Dear Audrina,

Thanks for writing to us.

It’s too early to tell what’s going to happen here. He obviously is interested in you, but as far as a long term interest you’ll just have to wait and see.

We think you need to tone it down and step it up.

You should tone it down by letting him take the initiative more. Let him ask you to do things. You might be frustrated by this if he doesn’t move at a pace of your liking, but it will give you a better indication of his interest. We think you’re making it way too easy for him because you’ve pretty much initiated all the forward movement of this relationship.

You should step it up by expressing your feelings to him. You don’t have to tell him everything, but you need to take this relationship out of your head and onto the table. If you reveal a bit of how you’re feeling, he might open up to you about what’s going on for him.

The last thing we’ll say is: Time will give you more answers. It’s too soon to really know where this is going, especially since you’re at school and essentially in a long distance relationship. The good news is that he seems interested in making the effort to come see you at school, but still he needs to start initiating these weekend hangs. Also, be aware that he could be visiting you just for sex. We’re not saying that’s the case, but guys have been known to travel long distances for some action. This is why you need to start gathering more information soon. But in order to do that you’re going to have to give up some control, externally and internally.

Keep us posted and feel free to ask any follow up questions. Leave us a note in the comment section of this post.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. Please spread the word and let your friends know about us.

4 Comments on Not sure if he’ll ever commit

  1. Hi I’m Mattie and I really would like some help,

    The best place to get this advice is from a guy.

    This guy is my ex boyfriend we dated for about half a year but we needed to break up because he was going off and had stuff going on. We remained friends with benefits for some time when he came home on weekends and it was great but my feelings were still strong I just never let them show.

    It went on for about 2 months and then connection stopped I couldn’t do it anymore I was too hurt because I didn’t think he wanted anything. He texted me a few times and that was all I never replied. We didn’t talk for about 5 months until one day he came over on one of his weekends home and invited me to lunch. We went to lunch went back to his house had fun one thing lead to another and I couldn’t help it. I was also on a break with my current boyfriend of 8 months. We just don’t click things are getting boring and so on.

    After that lunch I didn’t have feelings for him I had lost them over the months and the sec was just physical until he kept inviting me out again and again… Filling the gaps my current boyfriend can’t fill. He took me out everywhere shows me a good time but always expects sex afterwards even though he acts like he loves me. Over time and my break I grew extremely strong feelings for him again… We even talked about dating and seeing each other but I am not sure if he was just trying to make me feel better or if he even meant it.

    I told him I couldn’t do it but we can still be friends… After about a month of a break and having sex with my ex, my boyfriend and I got back together and my ex and I just became friends we hang out weekends have a blast we pick n each other text all the time.

    I feel like I am in love with him and I can’t stand it, I want to stop talking to him all together but it is hard especially when our families are close his parents love me it just hurts. He told me he was getting involved with another girl but then he stopped but still kinda likes her…. It just makes me jealous of course!

    I don’t want to leave my current boyfriend for this fantastic guy that I am not even sure really wants me. We have talked about it but he gives me a different answer every time. I want him more than anything, he is my perfect guy and I just wish there was a way he could want me more or tell me exactly how he feels the truth all out.

    Can someone please tell me what I should do?

  2. @Mattie…..You’re not going to like what we’re going to say, but understand we’re trying to be supportive. Right now you’re being selfish. Think about how your current boyfriend must feel? Basically, if this other guy was way into you you’d dump your current boyfriend just like that. He doesn’t deserve that. First you need to figure out if you want to be with your boyfriend or not. (It doesn’t sound like it to us. He shouldn’t be some “fill in guy” while you figure out this other situation. You wouldn’t appreciate it if someone did that to you.) As far as this other guy: We don’t think this is going anywhere. He’s nice to you because he wants sex. The two of you would still be together if he wanted more. And we don’t see it changing anytime soon. Our advice: To us it sounds like you need to start fresh. Move on from both of these guys and find someone totally new. But it’s your call. Good luck.

  3. Hi I’m Lynn, I need some advice too. My friend David and I been close since my 6th grade year which now I’m in 11th grade. He’s made things go on to the next level when I decided to come back to my school in 9th grade. We had a field trip going to Austin, we hung out the whole trip and on the bus back we were cuddling and kissing. He still consider me as a friend until after a couple of months after that I had got someone. After that relationship ended we started talking again he lost his virginity to me but we are still friends. He sent me hearts and everything a guy would do when he’s in a relationship he’s also really protective too. The only thing that gets me is that he says we are more than friends with benefits I don’t seem to understand if I’m just hookup or someone he is actually serious about. Any advice?

  4. @Lynn……Is he also in 11th grade with you? Has he asked you to be his girlfriend? After the two of you kissed on the bus, did he then go out with this other girl? Let us know and we’ll get back to you.

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