One of the guys

Dear Guys,

I’ve always been “one of the guys” because in my group of friends I’m the only girl. I hang out with them on a daily basis. I’m starting to see one of them as more than a friend, but I can’t tell if he feels the same way. He always chooses to sit next to me and he’s ditched the others so we could hang out alone. But when we all hang out together, he treats me like “one of the guys.” It’s very frustrating and I can’t read his signals.


Dear Keely,

We’ve been asked a similar question before. Dating friends can be wonderful, but also confusing, especially at the beginning.

Guys love women who can hang with their guy friends. There’s nothing cooler than a woman who loves football, action movies and video games. But only if that woman also likes to be a woman too. If you are the former without the latter, then you are truly one of the guys, without the quotations. And that’s not necessarily where you want to be if you have eyes for this guy.

Who do YOU think you are in his eyes?

From what you describe it sounds like he’s into you. So you have two options. Wait for him to make the first move, or just tell him how you feel and give him the green light. We suggest waiting for a bit, and see how it progresses. If it goes on for a long time and he’s not making a move, you might just have your answer. If that happens he probably just thinks of you as a friend.

This doesn’t mean you can’t just tell him that you like him, but you might not feel comfortable doing that.

One last thing to consider. If you start dating this friend and it doesn’t work out, you might lose some of your other guy friends too. It’s not really fair but it could happen. Don’t let that scare you, but just be aware of it. We still think you have to follow your gut. If you really need to have a definitive answer, then just tell him how you feel. Taking a risk is always a bit scary but often necessary when it comes to matters of the heart.

Good luck and keep us posted.


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12 Comments on One of the guys

  1. I think you guys are giving good advice. To me, when she says it’s very frustrating, it sounds like it’s been going on for awhile. Maybe she does need a definite answer. Personally, I think she should go for it and ask him. Straight on to the point.

  2. Great advice once again 🙂

  3. I think he’s into you, since he’s coming to sit with you rather than his buddies. But he’s not treating you any differently in the group because he’s not ready to tip off his interest in you to the rest of the guys, especially because he may not know your feelings on the issue. You can’t judge his intentions yet based on is actions when with the other guys, at least not at this stage.

    I think you should broach the subject in a subtle way when you’re alone… lean into him… grasp his hand… look him in the eyes. His reaction should give you direction.

    Good luck!

  4. I agree with Bluz, up to a point. I think you should let HIM make the first move. If he doesn’t, then you can still be part of the group, and hope one day he will. If he DOES, well, there you have it!

  5. Perfect advice. I totally agree especially on waiting for a bit before telling him how you feel because if he doesn’t feel the same way, it’s gonna be awkward for the both of you.

  6. Enter your comments here…i think maybe he really likes you, but he doeasn’t know how to approach you on this subject, and he is wondering what the guys are going to say.

  7. I was always that girl too. The “guys” girlfriend. Who they loved to hang out with. I’d drive them around while they got tanked drinking beer on the back roads at 17. Except I didn’t want to date any of them since they’d get sick and puke. Ah, the great life of being raised in small town Oklahoma! HA.

    Nowadays, kids hang out in groups and I agree to wait and see if you catch any more vibes. If your gut tells you he is into you – why not just bring it up? I never understood all the games. Most guys are too scared to act and maybe it will help get the ball rolling. If he’s not, then blow it off and continue being friends, guys usually don’t get all prickly like a girl would.

    Good luck!

  8. ok so…I’m a 16 year old girl. I am a trainer for football, basketball, and baseball. All the guys are my friends and they have always been kinda protective of me. They always flirt with me and tease me and tell me im hot and gorgeous and if one of them is rude to me the other guys always jump and tell them not to treat me that way and stuff. I’ve “talked” to a few of them, but then a few days after beginning to really get into it they drop me. out of no where. this has happened more than once. none of them ever have a good excuse or reason, and usually they just dont say anything to me. and when they find out i like them, they start acting annoyed and leave me alone, until they dont think i like them anymore. well a few weeks ago i started dating this guy that kinda has a history of being a bad boy. well the guys from the teams got mad and said that i could do so much better and they dont understand why i would date him. and im over here thinking, i can do so much better, but you just dont want to date me.
    im so confused about all this stuff! and then the guy im dating doesnt even act like we are dating! please help me before i go crazy!

  9. that’s my little sister mallory’s question, she heard i got help from yall yesterday and used my info to get some help too!

  10. @Jo……First of all, thanks for your donation. To your question. Actually, we’ll start with a question. How old are these guys who are protective of you? Is it possible they see you as their little sister? And that maybe they feel funny about dating you? What we’re saying is, it’s hard to break free from that if it’s already established. And let’s say one of these guys would like to, they also know they’ll get a lot of “shit” from their buddies for crossing the line and trying to date you. However, don’t fret. We imagine one of the braver of the bunch will eventually cross the line and ask you out. As per your bad boy. Dump him. That’s going nowhere. And he doesn’t sound like he’s treating you the way you should be treated. Don’t settle even if you feel lonely. It’s a lot lonelier to be in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly than to be alone. Remember that for your life. Thoughts? Questions?

  11. So how do i make myself seem more dateable? Its so hard to know if they really like me or not…and now it sounds like ive become untouchable…im a sophomore, and these guys are from freshmen to seniors. and they are all convinced that i sleep with guys, but i dont and i never have..and when there was a rumor that i had slept with this one guy they wouldnt even look at me! so frustrated!

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