Online Cheating

Hi Guys,

Ive been with my boyfriend for 18 months and recently we have started talking about moving in together.

I had been having a feeling that maybe something wasn’t right and a couple of weeks ago I checked his phone. In the sent messages there were messages to a “Kate” saying thank you for a good time, it would be great to meet up again. I confronted him about it. He said that he started to panic about us moving in together as his last break up was so difficult. He said he had to be 100% sure I was the one. He decided to go back on line to test his feelings and arranged one date that lasted an hour;  he decided there and then that it wasn’t right and wouldn’t be doing it again. This also coincided with other good things happening between us that helped him make his decision. He said the messages he sent after were saying he couldn’t do the dates she had suggested but he never just said no and he doesn’t know why but he was sure he wasn’t going to meet up again.

The other issue I have is that he carried on talking to a number of people after he had made this decison not to “test” our relationship with another date just because he found it flattering and a bit of fun and he was going to cancel at the end of the month. He now says he knows the answers to his questions and he really does love me and wants to take the relationship forward. He also has been coming over more, making more time for me, calling and planning nice things for us to do together. He seems really sorry but I wondering if this story is believable?

Many thanks,

Claire

Dear Claire,

Thanks for your question. So what do you think? Let’s say his story is believable, do you forgive him? Do you trust him? Has he done other things in the past that make you wonder about his story? Will you be able to trust him in the future? These are the questions you need to be asking yourself.

His story could be believable. Or not. It’s hard to say. And it’s almost a moot point. What’s more relevant is that instead of talking to you about his fears and doubts—yes, that might have been a difficult conversation—he snuck around behind your back, joined a dating site, talked to a bunch of women, went on at least one date (that he’s admitted to) and has still kept up correspondence with other women since. And the kicker: You had to find out about it by yourself; he didn’t volunteer the information to you. The issue we see is not what he did, but how he went about doing it. So what happens in the future when something comes up between you?—some stressful event let’s say. Will he then feel the need to “check out” for a time and test the waters in some other way? Because the red-flag here is how he chose to deal with his doubts, not that he had doubts. In fact, we’d be surprised if he didn’t have doubts. Many guys do when faced with the prospect of committing to someone long term in whatever capacity that looks like. (Living together, engagement, marriage.)

The good news is that he seems remorseful and recommitted. Maybe his actions have gotten him to a solid place, but what about you? Obviously you’re not feeling as clear about him now, otherwise you wouldn’t have written to us. What we suggest is that you don’t move in together until this is completely resolved. If you’re still feeling hurt, unsure, nervous, angry, you need to talk about these feelings with him. And he needs to be open to talking about this as long as you feel the need to. He has to understand that he betrayed you. (Sure, maybe not to the degree that some do, but still a betrayal.) And when this happens, trust is broken, which often takes a long time to repair. He has to understand that his actions had consequences and that you might need to process this for a long time.

Finally, don’t settle Claire. He may be the one for you after you work through this. But keep in mind that you deserve to have someone who feels the same for you, as you do for them; and someone who’s committed to working through issues, especially when things are tough. We hope you can work this out.

Do you have any other questions? Leave us a comment below. We’d like to hear your thoughts on this.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. We’d appreciate it if you shared our site with friends. Or share on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google Plus, etc. Thanks!

Read more relationship advice and dating advice about cheating: 

Cheating Part 1: Three guys on cheating

Cheating Part 2: I was Tiger

Cheating Part 3: Inner Child

Help; can my guy change from his cheating past?

Cheating boyfriend; how do I know it won’t happen again? 

My boyfriend is on dating sites; is he cheating? 

 

25 Comments on Online Cheating

  1. I recently had gotten out of a 5 year relationship, and decided to venture into the world of online dating. Due to time restraints of school and work, it seemed to be the only thing that worked. Well I met a guy on there, who overall is what I want in a man. When I met him though, I knew he was going to be trouble. He was your typical “bad boy.” Even told me upfront that he doesn’t date. Well I figured that I liked him, he was fun, and would just continue with it until something better came along.

    Over time though, we both started developing real feelings for one another. We talk all day everyday, and eventually he asked me to be in a relationship with him. I was hesitant and waited for about to week to think it over and really consider what I was getting myself into. When we met, he painted a picture of himself that made me have such low expectations of whatever we had, that I never thought about the possibility of a relationship. I had once even tried to break it off with him knowing one day I would want a relationship, and he wouldn’t. So him asking me had me flabbergasted.

    After responding that we could try and make it work, things only got better for us. He eventually started talking about marriage, living together, and a future together. None of this I ever initiated. I knew if I let myself go there emotionally I would get hurt. So after about a month of dating I finally started opening up and telling him how much I did care for him, and started letting my guard down.

    Well shortly after that month, he informed me he had chlamydia and that I needed to go get tested. Immediately I thought I had gotten it from my ex who had a history of cheating, and not once considered another possibility. When I went and gotten tested though, the tech made me realize that in the time frame we got it in, more than likely he was cheating.

    Well I tried not to think that. I knew the kind of person I had gotten into a relationship with and tried not to let my mind wander. I felt that if I did think he was cheating, our relationship would be over.

    Probably 4 days after I got tested I had received a phone call. She had explained that she was his girlfriend, they had been dating since about a month prior to him and I meeting, and that she had chlamydia. The reason she found out about me was because one night she went through his phone. Conveniently he had not told me he was living with this girl.

    So I drove out to meet her, and we both confronted him. I wasn’t ready to accept what he had done, but I was willing to walk away if necessary. During the confrontation it was explained that what she told me wasn’t entirely true about how long they had been together. They weren’t together when we met, but they just happened to fall into a relationship over time.

    Well after the confrontation him and I talked. He expressed that he still cared but understood if I didn’t. I guess I was stupid and told him that I still did care. After talking for a couple days about it, we decided to try and work through it. While working through it his other girl had lost her mind. She was telling him she was going to commit suicide if she didn’t have him.

    So naturally he was there to comfort her. He didn’t want her to hurt herself, but he wanted his stuff back. She was holding his possessions hostage to give him reasons to keep coming to see her. I told him to get the police involved, but he refused.

    Well now he had his stuff back, but I don’t know if I can trust him. He says that they don’t really talk, but he’s not willing to tell her about our relationship. He says he doesn’t want to be cruel to her. I feel though by not telling her he’s being cruel to me. I feel that he’s leaving the door open that if she ever was to call, he would go running back. He swears that isn’t the case, and one time when he was trying to get his stuff back she tried to convince him to go into her apartment so she could kiss him and he refused.

    I know the logical thing to do would be to walk away, but I have a hard time doing it. He’s never put me down or been mean to me, but he was that way with her. I heard him and her talk on the phone and they would yell and curse each other. He was always very caring and gentle with me though. When she asked him who I was, he would just tell her he didn’t want to talk about it. When I would ask him about her, he would call her nothing. He even admitted to me infront of her that he treated me better than he did her.

    Is it possible that he’s done with the cheating? Is it possible to have a relationship with someone after all of this? Just by seeing how they interact, he was never that way with me. He was always very respectful and gentle and caring with me. I guess I’m trying to rationalize making it work, because he acted like he truly cares for me. He never said “I love you” to her, yet said it to me first and kept saying it to me for a while before I even said it back. Am I just a conquest for him because of my resistance to fall immediately for whatever he wanted?

  2. @Maggie…..No, we don’t think you’re just a conquest for him. It’s clear he cares about you, certainly more than this other woman. That still doesn’t mean he’s the right guy for you. He may treat you well, but the fact that he’s treating this other woman poorly is telling. Sure, maybe she pushes his buttons, but he’s still being cruel. Maggie, when you’re evaluating someone you want to be in a relationship with, it’s important to see how they treat others. If you’re with a guy who treats you like gold, but treats let’s say, a waiter, or cashier poorly, well you can be assured that eventually he’ll treat you the same way. It shows a major character flaw. We admit this relationship with this other girl is different than our example, but it’s certainly something to file away to ponder. Look Maggie, we don’t generally tell people what to do, especially if it’s the first time someone’s contacted us about a particular issue. But really, what are you doing? Here’s what you know about this guy. He cheated on you, gave you an STD, still has this other girl who’s he not willing to dump entirely, and is probably keeping other things from you as well. You may think he’s great in a lot of ways, but do you honestly think you can build a relationship with him? We’re not sure what there is to rationalize. Your thoughts?

  3. Thanks for the response. I guess because we mesh on so many levels I was always trying to justify what was taking place. I admit, I saw the possible signs of cheating, but because I wanted to keep it fun and light hearted, I ignored them. I guess I’m part to blame for the situation I’m in.

    And you guys are right. He did end up treating me poorly over the weekend. I tried explaining to him that if we were going to make a relationship work he can’t expect me to not still be hurting. Because of that he started to pull away and was very cold. Last night I had some suspicions on more infidelity.

    He texted me right before my classes were over to say he was going to his cousins to move a couch. Literally he sent that text 5 minutes before my class was over. So when I got out of class, assuming he’d be driving still, I tried calling and got no answer. So I sent a text asking if he would call when he was done, and he responded yes. So I called a secon time immediately after getting the text, with no answer. Then I tried to call my friend and accidentally hit his name to call again and before I could hang up I dropped my phone. I was driving so I couldn’t just grab it. Well after the third call he sent an immediate text that said “would you stop.”

    I don’t understand if he wasn’t doing anything why he couldn’t answer. He’s talked to me on the phone around his mom and sister and dad. So I don’t understand why his “cousin” would be any different.

    Basically I’m going to let this fish go. It’s going to cause to much heart ache to try and make anything work without driving myself up the walls. Hopefully one day he will learn to be more honest with the people he cares about.

  4. @Maggie…We’re really sorry. Even when it’s clear what to do, it doesn’t make it any easier. But be assured that you are doing the right thing by moving on. You deserve better than you’re getting. You deserve someone who’s going to respect you and love you just as you respect and love them. Take care and be in touch. Let us know how things are going. ps. And please share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  5. I need advice, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2yrs we knew each other for a yr prior and even dated a little, but I was not ready for a new relationship. Anyways now we are living together with our 3 boys with both brought into our relationship 1 boy and then we have a 6mth old together. I recently found on his cell phone that he had an app for tagged and I looked through text and found he was getting to know someone during one of our recent arguments. First I though why would he have an app for this dating site on his new phone? He just got maybe a month prior. Then why I he getting to know this woman ,in my mind I was sure he would use the excuse that we were into it then. I saw inappropriate words exchanged on this site between him and other women but he claims that was just entertainment and it has nothing to do with his real life….the argument went something like this: I told him he new good and well I would not like that, that maybe he needs to find another way to stay busy or enjoy him self. I asked him how would he feel if I did that to him. He found his self upset that the situation was what it was and admitted he was wrong said he didn’t really think about how I would feel, that he knows what it looks like but to him it ment nothing. I agreed to moving past it granted he deleted the account and the woman’s text..Problem is he has not tried to prove to me he did either of those things. So I made a fake profile found him on tagged and sent him a message he did not respond but sent a friend request. I want to just call him out on it and tell him I can’t do this without trust and he is leaving me no choice, I’m more worried about what we have built.. and I can’t really up and leave…I’m in too deep how do I show him I am serious and will not stand for it??

  6. @Jasmine….You have every right to be upset. And we agree that he should be doing everything he can to prove to you that he won’t do it again. (He’s not doing that.) We get this question a lot. The woman snooped and found out that her worries were founded, and that her guy is either cheating, or being inappropriate with another woman. We say, once you find out the information, and it’s damning, then you have every right to tell him what you found. Of course, that doesn’t mean he’ll take it well. In fact it could blow up and turn into a big argument or worse. But what’s the alternative? Ignore it? Well, that’s just going to eat at you, and tear you apart. He needs to stop this behavior and refocus himself on your kids and you. Otherwise this is just going to escalate further. The big red-flag here is not necessarily that he went on a dating site—although that is not cool—but the fact that he did it in reaction to an argument you two were having. So what does that mean? Every time you argue he’s going to wander? That is a much larger issue than the isolated incident you’re dealing with now. Do you see our point? What do you think? So what’s your plan?

  7. So I actually could not wait for your response, I calmed myself and told him we needed to talk. First I told him that I value our family and second I value honest and trust in a relationship. I went on to say how he has given me every reason to not trust him and he either takes my offer to move forward (granted he delete the account and the text or maybe we need a break) in so many words…sadly he claims to have other interest on the site, claims its not just for dating and that he has had it since before he and I got together. I told him I do not care there are women on there whom he has ties to and I wouldn’t feel relieved with him just changing his dating status to “in a relationship” . I asked when he was last on the site he lied and said wks ago when the event took place. He is lying, I know this because of the fake account I set up. But he still doesn’t know that part yet. Also the entire time we are conversing he contradicts himself over and over. I say delete it he says there are games and other things on the site he uses it for. Then turns around and says I’m barley ever on there. Hmmm? Then why I asked, are you so against deleting it if I told you its for the sake of our relationship? He kept trying to flip the script told me I was to blame for making him feel some kind of way…..blah blah blah. No way I’m doing this again he sounds like my ex and he know everything about thing my ex did that I told him I would not tolerate ever again. The more we talked the more I realized he was full of it. If I don’t put my foot down now and risk losing it all then ill have the same problem over and over and live my young yrs unhappy. So I broke up with him. We have a lease together so I’m unsure as to the fine details as of now, but I want him to know I mean business and if I lose him then I just did myself a huge favor.
    Funny I’m just now seeing his true colors, yet he denies and tries to manipulate the situation like any other typical guy…which I though he was far from, Smh, to good to be true. Really I’m comforted with the humor I’ve found in this situation, he drills me all the time for not considering his feelings or making him feel like his words mean nothing, and to be honest I always though (are you seriously snapping over this veal, at least I’m not out cheating, these are things that are an easy fix)
    So what do you think? And where do I go from this point since we still live together? I’m thinking because I feel no animosity that i’ll be casual, he is the idiot, I’m not losing out. I’ll still have necessary convo with him but we are done for now until I feel like he is willing to be the man I need. Or we will be done permanently.

  8. @Jasmine…….We responded to you an hour or so after you wrote in the first time. Did you not see our response? At least we’re all on the same page. We felt you needed to get this out in the open and you did. The only issue with living under the same roof when you’re purported to be broken up is that it’s often easy to start feeling sentimental and sad, and then start ignoring all the indiscretions and only remember the good things. We’re not telling you what to do, but even if you are open to considering a reconciliation at some point, some space might be helpful to clear your mind as you move forward. You don’t want to get sucked back in if he’s not willing to work with you. Right now it seems he’s pretty set on how he wants to do things. So only time will tell. Maybe this break will make him realize you’re worth fighting for. Keep us posted as things progress. And be strong.

  9. Thank you and I ment to say I was too anxious to have this conversation to wait , I do thank you for your quick response. I was just so ready to get it done with after my post to you guys, I feel relieved that we agree on the same things and I may take some time and stay eles where during the weekends but my children need to be home on week nights and he has no family to stay with, and no real friends either, you can see where he has more than to much time to himself after work and on his days off. But I do feel strong, and your words were comforting, ill let you know how it goes. Thank so much

  10. @Jasmine…..We’re glad we could help. Take care of yourself and definitely keep us posted. Be on the lookout for our relaunch coming next week. All the best.

  11. Hi Guys,

     I’ve been seeing this guy for 2-3 months and I really like him. We are having a great time, we have chemistry, alot in common, we are always laughing, we talk everyday and hangout a few times a week, and it feels natural! But– its not perfect. I know relationships never are but Im not sure it should be this complicated this early.

    It all started when after only knowing him for one month, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Since I definately wasnt giving those signals yet and wasnt ready, I said I just wanted to date more. I was weary of his constant texting and flirting with other girls- which he didnt really hide. He would even flirt with other girls right in front of me which caused me to run out of the bar and tell him I wanted nothing to do with him. To me, it was disrespectful. But he was relentless at getting me back and apologized and said he had no intentions of dating or hanging out with anyone but me. I continued to date him and a week later, while out to dinner he said that it was time to tell me the truth. He had just broken up with a girlfriend of ten years or so since high school just a few months before he met me. He said she wanted to get married but she wasnt the one so it was done. I realized that since he had never really been single until now, I kinda get why he was being such a flirt and a party animal. It makes sense, and I dont blame him for it. But what doesnt make sense is why just one more week later he asked me to be his girlfriend again. He made promises that he wouldnt get with anyone else and really wanted it to be just us. He asked me to trust him.

    So I did, I’m trying to. But, I can see his phone, hes still texting girls except now hes trying to hide it. When he goes out with his buddies, he will call and text me without me asking but he stays out all hours of the night. Once he told me that he walked away from another girl at a club bc he likes me so much. Idiot. He wanted a thank you, I wanted to smack him. Pretty sure he has no idea how to date.

    Do I know how much he likes me? Yes and considering the effort he puts it, its alot. Do I trust him? Not really. Do I think hes screwing around behind my back? Could be. Or could he be keeping his promises and just be flirting? And is that grounds for dismissal? Not sure. I dont want it to be, but I also dont want this stuff to continue if he is going to be my boyfriend. Could I just be a rebound relationship for him? That might be true too but thats less of a concern for me. Its not his ex hes texting.

    I wish I had stuck to my guns and just dated longer before getting into a relationship. Now Im in a constant battle of trying to give him a shot and just trust him like hes asking me to do versus feeling like an idiot for puting up with bs. Too bad I really like the guy..

    Any advice guys?!?!

  12. @Liz……Honestly, you seem like you’ve got him figured out pretty well. Here it is in your own words: “Do I know how much he likes me? Yes and considering the effort he puts it, its alot. Do I trust him? Not really. Do I think hes screwing around behind my back? Could be. Or could he be keeping his promises and just be flirting? And is that grounds for dismissal? Not sure.” The answers are almost less important than how you feel in this relationship. Let’s say he’s not cheating but you still feel apprehensive, uncomfortable, and stressed out by his late night jaunts. It’s almost the same thing. What he needs right now doesn’t seem to be meshing with what you need. And therein lies your issue. Is it possible to dial this back a notch? Could you have a heart-to-heart with him and talk about all of this? What we see is a guy who found a girl he realizes is pretty damn cool, but also knows he’s not really ready to be in a committed relationship. Like a divorced guy who is so happy to have his freedom again and then he meets the perfect girl a week later. It’s a tough call for him. And you seem kind of in the same boat. Not really ready to be in a relationship, but giving it a go since you really like this guy. But understand that timing plays a huge role in relationships. The timing is off for both of you. That’s not something to be ignored. Sometimes you just can’t force it even if it seems right. What do you think? Ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. ps. Do us a favor? Please share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. Also on Facebook and Twitter. @TGPBuzz. And take the time to help a fellow reader and VOTE on our Ask the Audience page.

  13. Thanks guys.. Simple but true, and what I needed to hear. I think you’re right, what we each want/expect right now isnt meshing. He may just want both things, a party life and a relaionship but I should have some say in whats happening too. I dont want a onesided relationship. And maybe if he gets that im ok with something more casual if thats what we agree to, then we can both relax and see what happens. Thanks guys!!

  14. @Liz……Sounds like a good plan. Definitely keep us posted and ask as many questions as you’d like. ps. Take a moment to help a fellow reader. VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks for sharing our site.

  15. Hi Guys,

    I’ve just emailed you a question, but I’m posting it here too as it’s maybe the closest I can get to my own question… thanks so much!

    I was with my ex for four years. We lived together for the final two. For a few reasons we had a bumpy ride in the beginning, but it seemed we loved each other and were committed, and things were working out… We were talking marriage, buying a house, all of that.

    Then about a year before we split I found out he had spent our whole relationship messaging other girls – some he knew, some he didn’t. He would text them and webcam and email, a lot of swopped pictures and very explicit messages. I know he met some of them for coffee, but I’m pretty sure nothing physical actually happened ever. I think it was all fantasy and flirtation.

    Still, I was really really REALLY upset. I left our home, I didn’t know what to do. He begged me to return, told me he loved only me, that it meant nothing, that it would stop. So I went home. But it didn’t stop. And he wouldn’t talk about it, refused to see a counselor and got angry if I did try to talk about it. And so I started checking up on him… the trust just went from both sides and there were a lot of arguments. I know I was a nightmare to live with. I went from being this totally trusting, laid-back girlfriend to being this paranoid, tense, suspicious creature.

    So we split up six months ago.

    After falling apart for a while I have built myself up again. I have my own place, have regained my independence, and as arrogant as I know it sounds, I’ve worked out a lot, changed my style and I know I look better than I ever have in my life. My ex meanwhile seems a mess. I mean, I am a mess inside, definitely, but he was always this handsome golden hunk, and now he looks kind of… not that golden.

    In the past six months there have been two or three points where I am sure my ex was trying to get back with me – I didn’t realise it at the time, because I was so torn up about everything, and so I wasn’t exactly receptive. Plus he wasn’t entirely clear about what he wanted.

    A couple of months back he deleted me from twitter and instagram (I had deleted him already when we split) and I heard from mutual friends he had begun internet dating, so I took it to mean he was over me. But then simultaneously he began emailing me and texting me all the time. I was polite, but not encouraging, since I didn’t know what it meant. Occasionally he would try to be flirty with me but I always shut it down.

    I’ve had some time away recently, and now feel healed from everything that happened, but I realised that despite everything i still love and miss him. And so I wrote to him to say I had no idea how he felt or what was happening in his life, but that I was sorry for how crazy I had behaved in the past, and that I missed him, and to suggest that maybe if he felt the same we could try just hanging out and seeing how we felt.

    He replied immediately, and then followed it up with a text, a voicemail and an IM.

    We’ve spoken over the last few days, and I guess I’m just having trouble interpreting what’s going on here. He asked that we have a proper conversation ‘like adults’ about how this could work, and so we did that last night.

    The plan seems to be that we just spend time together doing normal date-type stuff. But he said to me that prior to this he had hoped we might be friends, that it was all he had thought he could hope for, because on top of everything else about our relationship he missed the friendship side of it. He was worried that if everything messed up again then we might not ever have a chance of being friends in the future. I said that we could be friends, but that I didn’t want him to sign up to essentially dating if all he really wanted was friendship. He said that wasn’t all he wanted.

    We also talked a while about how miserable he had been since we broke up – he said how he had found it difficult settling into his new apartment and how lonely he found dating.

    After that, though, he wanted us to talk about other people we’d slept with since our break-up. He was very graphic about his encounters, though he said they were all ultimately disappointing, and also that he didn’t click with them personality-wise. He wanted to hear about any encounters I had in the past six months, but to be honest I didn’t want to get into details. Then the conversation became pretty sexual, which on the one hand was good, but on the other made me feel like maybe I was just another of his virtual girls.

    So today we texted a little. I’m away for work overseas, and I saw that he was on his gmail chat til almost 3am, and I assume he was having some encounter with another girl. I have no redress, since we are not officially a couple, but it felt almost as if he would know that I would be aware of it, and that it was a bit of a power-play.

    So I guess I wondered what your thoughts were. I know I have my work cut out here, but I do want to try my best to give it another shot. But do you think he is genuinely interested? Am I just a comfort blanket? Does he in truth just want to be friends? And how should I play this now if I want to try and lead us back into a proper relationship?

    I’m so sorry this is so long. Any advice you have would be really welcome.

    Thanks Guys.

    Summer x

  16. @Summer……We don’t think you’re going to like what we have to say, but understand it comes from a supportive place. Truly. Just because you miss him, and possibly still love him, doesn’t mean you should get back together with him. People don’t change overnight and we don’t see any evidence that he’s been working on himself. In fact from what you describe he’s the same old guy you’ve always known. What we think is, if you get back together things will be great for a while and then it will go back to the way it always was. Sometimes relationships run their course. It feels like your’s has, and that you’re both clinging to something that is over, and maybe wasn’t that great in the first place. (Because of the trust/etc., not necessarily feelings) Our advice: You’re in a good place. You feel stronger, more confident. Build on that and move on and find a guy you can actually trust who you can build a life with.

  17. I know this guy 2 years so far. So with that guy at the past we were talking a lot on msn but never met each other face to face ( i saw him before we talk ). He was the first guy i fell in love so hard . I was so in love with him. We were watching each other via cam ,texting and talking about sex things all the time. The bad thing it was because i was so in love with him i was doing everything he was asking. He was telling me to put fingers but i never put i just saying that i was putting and we were making sex texting. One day this stopped because we argued for something but he was still talking to me sometimes via msn but only on msn even if we are friends on facebook. So this summer he started talk to me everyday on msn. I wasn’t even want him ,i forgot him but for 3 months we were talking everyday about advice for me , about his girlfriend who he has one year relationship and he told me that he changed and he really loved her .So almost all of ours conversations the theme was about sex and sometimes about things about my self but always we were lead to sex things.So then on these 3 months he made me fall in love with him again. I know that is bad that he has a girlfriend but i always telling him that i was feeling bad for his girlfriend because she is a really good girl.So one day he was telling me that we have to meet face to face so he can watch me after all this time and also he can give me some advice about men. So i wasn’t about to accept but for 2 times we arrange to meet.. at the time we were about to meet he was canceling it. So i said to my self to not accept again to meet him. Then we were keep talking about such things and then the things become worse for me. He showed me his dick via cam but i didn’t know that he was going to do it and i liked his dick and then we started to do sex texting and i was putting fingers in real and i was enjoying his messages . Again he was telling me that we should meet and i can watch his dick from close and give him a blow job. I wasn’t really sure abo!
    ut it bu
    t because i really wanted to saw him i accepted . But we argued about something and we cancelled it. I was relief that i didn’t go but now he is keeping texting me on msn about sex and about fucking me but i don’t want to lose my virginity at all. So he is keep saying me about blowjob.But i really like his dick but i know this is wrong and i should not meet him. The last time he said me to think about it about day and hour to arrange. I don’t know what to do because i love him. Just to mention that he only get in msn just to talk to me and then when he we end our conversation he is getting off and even he is saying me that he is all day on msn but he is just get in to talk to me .Please answer me about it. I know that it is a long message but i really want advice about it .
    Also sorry if i made a mistake. I am foreigner.

  18. I know this guy 2 years so far. So with that guy at the past we were talking a lot on msn but never met each other face to face ( i saw him before we talk ). He was the first guy i fell in love so hard . I was so in love with him. We were watching each other via cam ,texting and talking about sex things all the time. The bad thing it was because i was so in love with him i was doing everything he was asking. He was telling me to put fingers but i never put i just saying that i was putting and we were making sex texting. One day this stopped because we argued for something but he was still talking to me sometimes via msn but only on msn even if we are friends on facebook. So this summer he started talk to me everyday on msn. I wasn’t even want him ,i forgot him but for 3 months we were talking everyday about advice for me , about his girlfriend who he has one year relationship and he told me that he changed and he really loved her .So almost all of ours conversations the theme was about sex and sometimes about things about my self but always we were lead to sex things.So then on these 3 months he made me fall in love with him again. I know that is bad that he has a girlfriend but i always telling him that i was feeling bad for his girlfriend because she is a really good girl.So one day he was telling me that we have to meet face to face so he can watch me after all this time and also he can give me some advice about men. So i wasn’t about to accept but for 2 times we arrange to meet.. at the time we were about to meet he was canceling it. So i said to my self to not accept again to meet him. Then we were keep talking about such things and then the things become worse for me. He showed me his dick via cam but i didn’t know that he was going to do it and i liked his dick and then we started to do sex texting and i was putting fingers in real and i was enjoying his messages . Again he was telling me that we should meet and i can watch his dick from close and give him a blow job. I wasn’t really sure abo!
    ut it bu
    t because i really wanted to saw him i accepted . But we argued about something and we cancelled it. I was relief that i didn’t go but now he is keeping texting me on msn about sex and about fucking me but i don’t want to lose my virginity at all. So he is keep saying me about blowjob.But i really like his dick but i know this is wrong and i should not meet him. The last time he said me to think about it about day and hour to arrange. I don’t know what to do because i love him. Just to mention that he only get in msn just to talk to me and then when he we end our conversation he is getting off and even he is saying me that he is all day on msn but he is just get in to talk to me .Please answer me about it. I know that it is a long message but i really want advice about it .
    Also sorry about my English. I am foreigner.

  19. @Appollon……..You should stop talking to him and move on. You’re too young for this. And he shouldn’t be showing you his privates, and you shouldn’t be showing him yours. And honestly, we’d be saying this to you even if you were much older. You don’t even know who this guy really is? If you want our advice, we say move on and try to meet some guy who lives near you, and who is your age.

  20. he actually live near me and i have watched him before but he didn’t saw and didn’t recognize me. I know that i should move on but i moved on before and i really forget him but he comes again and start talking to me and then i fall in love again with him. And the worst is that i cant say to him to stop talking to me. I just cant.

  21. @Apollon……..Well, we stick to our advice. We just hate to see you get yourself in a situation you’re going to regret. You’re already kind of there.

  22. BABYGIRL24 // April 11, 2013 at 1:51 pm //

    @Maggie all guys u meet online are not bad. Some just want wat they can get. Don’t b quick to offer it up. Make them prove they are worthy of ur time, love, and affection. Hun ur worth so much more than that. U owe it to urself to b happy so weigh ur options. I mean just because one guy seems right doesnt mean he is. I met my baby online. We talked for 2 yrs before we met but even then I was skeptical. But it worked out just like things will work for u. Key words…don’t settle for Mr. Right now. Wait for ur Mr. Right. He’s out there waiting for u. This advice goes to all women and even men. Never settle. That takes away ur happiness

  23. @Babygirl…..Thanks for your input.

  24. Emerald // June 1, 2013 at 7:00 pm //

    I really need advice on this!!

    First a little history on us. We met online in 2009. Things moved fast and we moved in together within about 3 months. Our first real fight was about a year later. He left for 2 days and stayed at his buddy’s place to “cool off”. This fight was over financial issues. In February 2012 we had a fight again over financial stuff (I was out of a job) and his drinking. He moved out. He only moved into his buddy who lived next doors place and we continued to work on our relationship. In September of 2012 he moved back in. Within 2 weeks we were fighting. He moved out again. We got back together in October, only to split up this past January. We were split up 2 1/2 months this time. I thought it was for good. We both dated other people, etc. In March he messaged me on POF. It resulted in us meeting for coffee and to talk. We ended up back together. Now here is where I need help.

    When we lived together I had installed SSPro (keylogger) on our computers. I have young daughters who access the net and I want to monitor the sites they go on, etc. I never told my partner about the key logger. I was with a man before him for 12 years and was cheated on. I guess deep down I wanted to see what my partner did online when I wasn’t home as well. During the entire time we lived together I never found ANYTHING. Not even porn sites. Just Facebook, hotmail and his game sites. Nothing to raise any suspicions. When he moved into his buddy next door, he took his computer. I never got to erase the key logger. I was getting it sent to my email and then is when I started seeing him on porn sites….daily! It bugged me a bit because we were still together, still having sex. In fact our sex life is pretty good. Always has been. I know his drive is higher then mine however. Anyways…when we split up last September, he moved out of the area we lived in to a suburb just outside the main city. About a 30 minute drive from me. It was shortly after we split up I started seeing him talking to a girl I was suspicious of while we were together. A woman he swore he wouldn’t touch with my d*ck if I had one. He has admitted they were f***ing. It really bugs me but he insists it was just rebound sex and meant nothing. OK. We’ll move on. Before we split up…back in December I found in his internet explorer history that he had been browsing women’s ads on POF. I could also see from the key logger that he specifically typed in a search of a 10 mile radius from his postal code. I confronted him and he said he had done it purposely and left it purposely because he was sick of me always checking his history and trying to see what he’s up to. That same day he had googled “stop creeping my computer” and left that in the history too. So I bought what he said and moved on.

    When we went for coffee in March (before we decided to get back together) I broke down and told him about the key logger on his computer. I was sick of getting 100+ emails a day of what he was doing. We went to his house and I removed it.

    Since we decided to get back together on Easter there has been lies I caught him in. We both agreed to immediately delete our POF accounts, he was also on Adult Friend Finder, and we did it together at his house. We each sent a final message to the people we had been talking to, advised them we were back with our ex and trying to work it out, then deleted our accounts. I also had JUST changed my cell number, so the few men who had it could no longer reach me either. He had given his number to about a half dozen women. On April 9th he received a text from one of the girls he had met on POF. She was the ONLY one he did not message the previous week because she had deactivated her account. She was telling him she was back in town. He messaged her back about how work was going, an injury he received that day at work…but no mention of me! I confronted him a few days later and he told me she called him the next day, while he was at work and wanted to go for coffee. He told her then about us being back together. I believed until I looked at his online cell bill and saw the ONLY call the next day was from me. In fact…she never called at all after that day. So I confronted him again and he told me she had called from some other number…a friends place. I let it go until she texted again just on May 24th. I called her and she told me no, she NEVER called but they also never texted again after April 9th. She only had texted him out of the blue to say hey, how’s it going. She also told me they never met. I confronted him. He danced around it and I just made it clear I didn’t like being lied to. So then he tells me during our “discussion” that he needs to tell me something. He tells me that the previous week, while out visiting his Mom, he thought about popping in to the ex who he dated while we were split ups house to see how she was. Apparently “She’s not right in the head”, has a 3 year old little boy and my b/f was wanting to make sure she’s doing “ok”. I was pretty pissed. Especially since just a couple weeks before I found half-naked images of her in his cell phone gallery that he INSISTS he forgot he even had. Ever since then I have been suspicious of him talking to her and can’t help wondering if he really did pop in to see her and just told me he THOUGHT of it to get a lesser reaction from me. So on Monday of this week I installed the key logger again. I was not happy at all with what I found!

    There is a woman he added on Facebook last month. They have mutual friends but have never met themselves. She lives in Prince George. We are in lower mainland. About 8 hours apart. She is coming to Vancouver next week. This is the conversation my key logger intercepted: My boyfriend – “so how long arre you down in vancouver for?” Her – Why? My boyfriend – just askin girl.lol. Her – Just a couple days, may make it longer. My boyfriend – work or vacation? Her – Doctors appointment. May make it vacation and stay longer. My boyfriend – cool. are ya stayin in van or surrey? Her – Maple Ridge possibly. My boyfriend – hmm, mabey we could meet for some drinks when u get in town. Her – That would be awesome. My boyfriend – cool. when r ya comin down? Her – June 6. My boyfriend – nice. we will have to set up a date then. i have wheels. Her – (sends her cell number and suggests they get together on the 6th). My boyfriend – too earlyto make plans,,, i work wierd hoursei i will get ahold of you before the 6th thou. Her – sounds good. My boyfriend – sweet. i have to pick up my boys. talk to ya later girl .

    Now, first off he was NOT going to get his boys. He was leaving to pick me up. Second, he erased all traces of the conversation from Facebook. Third – he texted her IMMEDIATELY then programs her number in his cell under some fake guys name.

    When he got home that evening he knew something was up. I was distant and moody. I didn’t want to confront him YET because we had plans to go out that evening with his buddies and I didn’t want to wreck it. I did however ask who was this P******** again and how he knew her. He looks at me and tells me he is his childhood buddy’s wife. Lie number 1. Then I mention I see she is coming to town….maybe the “buddy” is coming too and we can all get together. He tells me he had no clue. Lie number 2. He tells me he doubts his buddy is coming cause he is working in Alberta on the oil rigs. Lie number 3. I kept giving him chances to fess up to me that he asked her out for drinks by hinting little things. NOTHING! So all night while out he got the silent treatment and cold shoulder.

    We get home, go to bed. laying there I refused to cuddle. He rolls over about 10 minutes later and says he has to come clean and tell me something. He tells me he did message her thinking her AND his “buddy” were coming town. Suggested drinks, but as soon as he found out his “buddy” wasn’t coming he stopped talking to her. I laid there thinking. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I know him, cam read him well and felt he wasn’t telling me the whole story. He insisted he was. This went back and forth almost an hour with him getting defensive and saying “This is why I never tell you anything! You think I’m a liar and accuse me of sh*t I never did!”. I finally looked him right in the face and told him he IS a liar. I told him everything I knew. About the key logger on his computer. About seeing the whole REAL message between him and her. About how he deleted it off Facebook. How he texted her already. And how she is programmed in his phone as a Tra*** from PG. His face went white. He was busted. I started telling him how he could expect me to believe his intentions were innocent. He finally after about 20 minutes admitted they hadn’t been. That he messaged her and made plans with the intention to hook up. I lost it! I love this man with all my heart and he knows both my exes cheated. He has always sworn he’s “not that type of man”, he “knows the pain to be cheated on”. When I asked WHY? He insisted he did it out of hurt and anger. I went out Saturday night. Something I rarely do anymore. I apparently acted “distant” and “strange” when we seen each other Sunday. I turned down sex (rare, but I was just tired). So he assumed I DID something. No evidence…just assumed. And does this! He is insisting it was stupid, wrong…only the first time, etc. He swears he knows he wouldn’t have been able to follow through with it. He was just hurt and angry. Blah Blah. I don’t know what to do or think! I love him. I want desperately to believe him. I never found anything in all the time we lived together. And I just put this key logger back on his computer Monday. The conversation happened Wednesday. 48 hours after I installed. I can’t help thinking…what about the past month and a half I didn’t have it there?! Please help!

  25. I’ve been dating my guy off and on for five years. We got back together on November of 2012. I broke up with him in December. Why? In August I found out he was having some sort of relationship with a girl he met on FB. She is not in the US she is from his country. I asked him about it, he said he was just “flirting” with her. We argued about it. He never apologized. But I didn’t break up with him then. I thought he had stopped talking to her. In December he went to his country to see his family. I could barely reach him. The day he was returning the lady posted a picture of them together and tagged him. She said don’t they look cute together? He said yes. The crazy thing is we were doing so well and getting closer than we had ever been before he went on this trip. When he got back I confronted him about the girl. He said she is not his girlfriend and it being on FB is not a big deal. He said she is the one chasing him. Granted everything is on her page and not on his. It really bothered me that he was not doing anything to stop it and at the same time still wanted to date me. I told him that it bothered me when he “flirts” with her. Finally I broke up with him and told him I could not stay in the relationship without losing my self respect. He didn’t take me seriously and was still calling me. I was cordial to him until two weeks ago. I decided that if I continue to talk to him it meant I was ok with the way he treated me. So the next time he contacted me I told him to lose my number. I blocked his number the first week because I didn’t think Id be able to ignore him when he contacted me. Its been two weeks. I miss him dearly, but really have no intention or desire to contact him. It ended pretty badly because I called him a couple of choice words and he did the same to me. He started it by calling me bitter. So I called him an ahole and an fing liar.
    My question is. How can he say that the lady is not his girl friend and allow her to continue to post comments and things like they are together and he isn’t stopping her. Also even at that how does he expect me to continue seeing him when I know he has a fantasy relationship going on FB?!

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