I am overseas in the military. When this marine and I met it was like love at first sight. We started talking everyday and having lunch together. But somehow he would not ask me out. I started questioning him why but he always had an excuse.
He came to visit my place and we made out a couple of times but didn’t have sex. He told me he had feelings for me but he had a girlfriend back in the states that he loves and doesn’t want to end his relationship with her. We broke up, sort of, and now he’s making me feel like I was the one that was pursuing him. (But he also says he still wants to be my friend and swears that he has deep feelings too, but he wants to stop the flirting and suggestive language that we used to use.)
I am hurting so much; I trusted him and then he does this to me?! Everyone that knows about the situation says that he is going to come back to me and is going to break up with his girlfriend. But I don’t want to get my hopes up. He said he doesn’t want to lead me on. But now we both extended our tour here and will be seeing each other a couple times of week. We are so attracted to each other and passionate for each other. It is amazing. He told me that he’s never felt this kind of passion before. Me either. He said that it feels so good and so natural to hold me and kiss me. What should I do? Advice please!!!
Thanks for your question.
The best thing to do right now is try to be friends with him as best you can. He’s right, while he has a girlfriend the two of you shouldn’t be flirting, or doing other things. But the fact that he’s tried to put this on you is a red flag. He’s not taking responsibility for his actions. From what we can see there was only one person who was cheating on their partner, and it wasn’t you. He’s got a lot of nerve to dump this on you. And that’s the other thing. You do realize this guy cheated on his girlfriend don’t you? And who’s to say he wouldn’t cheat on you if you were that girl back in the states? It’s certainly something to think about, and something that needs to be talked about if things move forward between the two of you.
We suggest that you try to work with him—if that’s why you’re seeing him a few times a week—and be friendly. But you need to make it clear to him that you’re not open to having a relationship with him until he’s resolved things with his girlfriend back home. (Meaning he’s broken up with her.)
The thing is, passion is great and all, but relationships only last if there’s strong communication, trust, and mutual respect. Those are things that are built over time.
Good luck. Please keep us posted as things progress. Leave us a follow up comment and/or question.
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