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Possible Porn Addict

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Dear Guys,

What does it mean when you are in a casual relationship with a guy and he wants to have nude pics or recordings?  Those could easily get into the wrong hands or be posted on the Net.

Nancy

Dear Nancy,

Thanks for your question.

It means he thinks you’re hot, and that he’s into that sort of thing, and possibly has a porn addiction. And since it is a casual relationship, you’re right to be concerned with the video getting into the wrong hands, or landing on the internet.

Some couples will make videos of themselves for fun, but typically these are made solely for their own viewing pleasure, like their own personal porn movie.

In your case, this video sounds like it’s going to be part of a collection, something this guy watches when he doesn’t have “something or someone” going on. And when it’s over between the two of you, you’ll have no control over what happens to it, or who sees it. Yes, he’s not allowed to do that, but that doesn’t mean he won’t.

We say, it’s best to stay away from this sort of thing, unless you’re in a very committed relationship and/or you’re married.

We’d even go so far as saying, he might already be filming you without you even knowing it. Sorry to creep you out, but this strikes us as a possibility. You might want to chat with him a bit more about this, and let him know where you stand with things.

Keep us posted, and leave us a follow up comment.

THE GUYS

4 Comments on Possible Porn Addict

  1. My husband of 37 years has started acting sneaky. He “lost” his cell phone (on our family plan, and I found out he has a closely guarded TracFone he keeps on him. Our credit card bill shows that he has joined multiple porn/sex sites, and dating sites as well, such as FreeLifetimeHookup.com, F…Buddies.com, and Match.com, among others. He erases the history on his computer before signing off every time. He has been withdrawing lump sums of $800-1000 out of our joint checking account every month, and when I asked him about it, he said he was trying to keep it a secret, but that he goes for foot massages to relieve his neuropathy and it is expensive. He takes the car out in the morning to go walking, but when I asked to join him, he practically ran me over with the car to get out of the driveway alone. He has random, old prescription jars in the car now filled with Listerine, or body lotion. He is home every night, these things all happen in the morning or afternoon. He left his lab papers (routine bloodwork) on the kitchen counter, bragging about how good his cholesterol levels were. When I read them, I discovered that he was also tested for all kinds of STDs, including chlamydia. I discovered he had the same exact tests done 2 months ago. When confronted with all of this, he denies everything, and says the doctor just wanted to run the tests. He professes that loves me and will always love me. I asked if he’s a sex addict, and he said yes, and agreed to go for marriage/counseling help, but in the morning, he said it’s all in my head and I don’t have proof. I feel like i’m going crazy. He says he is upset because he needs some privacy in his life. Am I losing my mind or what? BTW he is 57 yrs old.

  2. @Donna…….Seriously? What do you think? The evidence is all there, you just don’t have hard proof. We always say if it smells fishy, it probably is. So what exactly do you want? Do you just want to know? Do you want to try and save the marriage? Our gut tells us that he’s doing lots behind your back. It’s hard to say exactly what he’s doing, but it’s clear that he doesn’t want you to know. And reversing it on you is a defensive strategy. It’s time to open the floodgates and address all of these issues.

  3. Dear “One of the Guys”,
    Thanks for responding so quickly. I know all of the signs are there, but I can’t bring myself to leave him without proof. He actually said to me, ” So you’re going to get a lawyer for a divorce because you SUSPECT something?” He still claims he hasn’t done anything wrong. The behavior almost seems to go in a cycle, he is now on the “nice” side of the cycle: being extra polite and helpful, etc. His car hasn’t left the driveway in 4 days. Now that I have seen all of these signs, I don’t have the desire to have sex with him because I don’t want to get an STD or worse. The trust in our relationship is gone. Yet he still claims to love me, and this is all very confusing. Do men who cheat act like this – or is this how sex addicts behave?

  4. @Donna….And we’re in no way saying leave him. That has to be your call. (We’re not saying you shouldn’t either.) What we’re saying is, you two need to figure this out. At the very least you have some major trust issues with your relationship. We do think something is amiss, but what that is, is hard to say exactly. Yes, people who cheat will deny, deny, deny. Until they actually get caught red-handed. Of course, innocent people also deny. What does your gut tell you? Here are the things we see that are broken that would need to be fixed in your relationship. 1. Trust is gone. 2. Sex. Without trust you don’t want to have sex. 3. Communication is lacking. The way you communicate is not positive……..Donna, if both of you are actually committed to trying to fix these issues then we strongly urge you to see a therapist, counselor, or professional to help you work through them. But both of you are going to have to work hard to get there. Ask yourself if that’s what you want to do. And then he also has to decide. It will be a long road, and one you’ll need to choose every day. Can you trust him to do that? The first step: Start talking and keep those eyes open for any sort if inconsistencies in his behavior. Good luck. And thanks for your donation. We do appreciate it!

3 Trackbacks & Pingbacks

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