I'm dating this great guy Rick. He's kind, supportive, funny and good looking. He works hard at his construction job, so he's definitely not lazy. But the thing is, he's never been to college. I have. I don't know why that's hard for me but it is. I hate to even say it because it sounds so stuck up, but sometimes I worry whether he'll be a good role model if we have kids. I also worry we don't have enough in common. I've mentioned this to him, but he just gets mad. He says we have a good time together and that's all that matters. And he says he loves kids.
How do I resolve this issue?
You are correct when you say, "How do I resolve this issue?" Because this issue is yours and yours alone. Rick seems completely comfortable with who he is. So it's up to you to figure this out. Don't pull Rick into it or try to change him. That won't bode well if you're possibly thinking of a future with him. And from what you describe he sounds pretty solid as is.
So let's start with a few questions. Do you love this man? You don't really say, but we get the sense that you do. You described him as great, kind, supportive, funny and good looking. WOW, we only wish!!
So what part of his lack of education bothers you? Is he truly not smart enough? Are you embarrassed to introduce him to your friends and family? Does his lack of education make it hard for you to talk with him?
Being smart has nothing to do with going to college. We're sure you've met a ton of people that lack a formal education who are bright, funny and motivated. Sure getting a college education can open up your mind and expose you to lots of new things, but the education itself doesn't determine smarts. But we do agree that two people who have gone to college will likely share a common experience.
However, keep in mind that differences can enhance a relationship quite a bit as long as you share some core values. If you're on the same page with religion that's a decent start. Are you on the same page about kids? That helps. Do you both believe in charitable giving? Or green living? Do you have common interests like exercise, traveling, quiet nights, partying, politics, whatever? And finally are your basic values similar? If you have many of these things going for you, we think you're off to a great start. Probably better than most people who share a college education.
So JoAnne, you need to be honest with yourself. It's OK to feel this way. It's your life and you need to find a person that you're happy with. However, you need to figure out what really bothers you about Rick's lack of education. If it's truly that he's not that smart, or not that motivated or not that interesting, maybe you need to move on. But from what you say about him it doesn't sound like that's the case. So it's likely to be YOU, and how you perceive him. And how you think others might perceive him and then ultimately perceive you.
Keep in mind, that time changes our priorities. And if you have kids you might be too tired to care about his education. 🙂 Well, not really, but you get our point! He sounds like he'll be a great dad. And that's from The Guy's Perspective. And we tend to be harsher to our own!