Question/Answer: His Lack of Education = Uncertainty

I'm dating this great guy Rick. He's kind, supportive, funny and good looking. He works hard at his construction job, so he's definitely not lazy. But the thing is, he's never been to college. I have. I don't know why that's hard for me but it is. I hate to even say it because it sounds so stuck up, but sometimes I worry whether he'll be a good role model if we have kids. I also worry we don't have enough in common. I've mentioned this to him, but he just gets mad. He says we have a good time together and that's all that matters. And he says he loves kids.

How do I resolve this issue?


Dear JoAnne,

You are correct when you say, "How do I resolve this issue?" Because this issue is yours and yours alone. Rick seems completely comfortable with who he is. So it's up to you to figure this out. Don't pull Rick into it or try to change him. That won't bode well if you're possibly thinking of a future with him. And from what you describe he sounds pretty solid as is.

So let's start with a few questions. Do you love this man? You don't really say, but we get the sense that you do. You described him as great, kind, supportive, funny and good looking. WOW, we only wish!!

So what part of his lack of education bothers you? Is he truly not smart enough? Are you embarrassed to introduce him to your friends and family? Does his lack of education make it hard for you to talk with him?

Being smart has nothing to do with going to college. We're sure you've met a ton of people that lack a formal education who are bright, funny and motivated. Sure getting a college education can open up your mind and expose you to lots of new things, but the education itself doesn't determine smarts. But we do agree that two people who have gone to college will likely share a common experience.

However, keep in mind that differences can enhance a relationship quite a bit as long as you share some core values. If you're on the same page with religion that's a decent start. Are you on the same page about kids? That helps. Do you both believe in charitable giving? Or green living? Do you have common interests like exercise, traveling, quiet nights, partying, politics, whatever? And finally are your basic values similar? If you have many of these things going for you, we think you're off to a great start. Probably better than most people who share a college education.

So JoAnne, you need to be honest with yourself. It's OK to feel this way. It's your life and you need to find a person that you're happy with. However, you need to figure out what really bothers you about Rick's lack of education. If it's truly that he's not that smart, or not that motivated or not that interesting, maybe you need to move on. But from what you say about him it doesn't sound like that's the case. So it's likely to be YOU, and how you perceive him. And how you think others might perceive him and then ultimately perceive you.

Keep in mind, that time changes our priorities.  And if you have kids you might be too tired to care about his education. 🙂 Well, not really, but you get our point! He sounds like he'll be a great dad. And that's from The Guy's Perspective. And we tend to be harsher to our own!

Good luck.


10 Comments on Question/Answer: His Lack of Education = Uncertainty

  1. Uh, as a woman I would just like to ask JoAnne if she is aware that many college grads are losing their employment and can’t even pay off student loans. Seems to me that a guy in construction would be a good catch, as long as he is not one of the Village People. And if he is, well hey, great moves and some good old tunes to share. Do you like YMCA?

  2. We couldn’t agree more. And some bonus moves thrown in for good measure!

  3. I’m not feelin’ like a stranger here: my name is Bob :)))
    I hope you have a perfect day…

  4. Actually in a third world country where I am living, education is the key for everything. Some people matter education or maybe mostly. Romantically and strictly speaking education is not an obstacle but practically yes. As I have said education is the key for everything, even a front office staff requires to be college graduate and some company still requires their drivers to be a college graduate.
    Nodami heheheh

  5. Nodami,
    Well thank you for sharing your perspective. Interesting.

  6. whoa whoa whoa, i work with a bunch of edumakated (hehe) people with degrees that lack common sense.
    college is not the only place where you can get an education – you may get a degree there – but it guarantees nothing.
    a good role model, to me has to do with qualities. sure, not many people want a guy who speaks bad english or can’t put together a sentence. if he’s a hard worker, caring, a great father, the other stuff can be taught, but if he’s an educated fool, well then god help him. there is nothing anyone can do.

  7. Natural,
    We couldn’t agree more.
    Wheee cudint agwee mooor! (wink, wink)

  8. I’m embarrassed to admit that I used to “drop” guys for bad spelling. I was college-educated and based intelligence on what fit within my own limited context and abilities.
    It would have been more “educated” of me to look deeper -at a guy’s level of motivation to learn, to work, to try new things… But, alas, I just looked at grammar and probably missed out on some interesting math genius-types.
    It’s more fun to look at “whole people” now, rather than isolate elements that may or may not measure up.

  9. Heather,
    We appreciate your honesty and we’re glad you’re giving all THE GUYS a chance these days.
    We wish more GUYS would do the same when it came to women.
    It’s a learning process for sure.

  10. Depends on what he does on his time off. Does he drink beer all night while watching the game? Does he wipe his chicken wings sauce on his shirt when eating? Does he pick his nose in public? Then eat it?
    If not… do wants in your heart.
    What’s in your wallet?

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