Recent questions for The Guys

We’ll be answering these questions on our podcast. You can listen here, or on itunes and Zune. Next episode coming Sunday. If we don’t get to all three, we’ll address whatever we missed on the following episode.

So please tune in, subscribe, and spread the word!

Also, feel free to leave your comments addressing any of the questions below.  Your insights will help DJ, Katie, and Megan figure out their prospective situations. Thanks in advance.

From DJ boyfriend and I have been dating for the past two years and I love him dearly. We have a baby together and he never helps with anything and rarely wants to do anything with me or his son. It’s been like this for the last year… during my pregnancy until now. I’ve tried everything from taking interest in the things he likes, demanding, ignoring, and nothing works. I want to know from a guy’s perspective what to do.

From Katie

He is my best friend and said he liked me awhile ago, and asked me out. This weekend I was with his best friend at a football game, and he sent me this text message.
‘We’ve been friends ever since I can remember, I mean there’s no one else I can talk to but you. And if we dated and broke up that would be gone. It just becomes awkward and don’t think I’m just telling you this now because I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you but it’s becoming drama already, which tells me we wouldn’t last and I can’t lose you. Plus I’m not worth losing a friendship over, trust me…’ Then after we talked for a bit about it he said ‘Ok I mean if I lost you I couldn’t come back from it. I’d lose the best thing ever.’
What does he mean by all of this? Does he still like me? I have no idea what’s going through his mind right now.

From Megan

i have been bestfriends with him for more than 10 years, we know everything about each other! we have been there for one another through rough times and good times, break ups and new relationships, we can tell each other anything and not judge one another, we give our opinions and then just move on from the situation. we flirt all the time, and i know that my feelings for him are more than “just friends” but im not 100% sure on his feelings. we spend a lot of time together, and we are very protective of one another! we stay the night with each other all the time, with no expectations… i THINK he has feelings for me.. so my question is, what do you think, and how should i confront him about this.. thanks:)

5 Comments on Recent questions for The Guys

  1. Well, I am NO expert by any stretch of the imagination. And I can’t wait to hear what The Guys have to say. But, Ill give my two cents.

    I had that issue with my son’s father. And unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to force him into helping or participating. He has to WANT to be involved.

    OMG. I think he REALLY really likes you. A LOT and I think he did want to take things to the next level. But he is scared that if things go bad you and him would cease to be friends. And he doesn’t want to loose that part of your relationship. So, he is trying to save your friendship before things ever get to that point.

    Oh, tough one. I am not brave enough to ever ‘make the first move’ but if you are best friends and you can talk about anything, maybe you can tell him how you feel?

    And that’s all I got.

  2. With DJ: That’s been going on way too long and he’s taking advantage of you. Time to give an ultimatum. maybe think of something for a compromise- in the carrying out tasks department.

    With Katie: My advice is to ask him what’s going on in his head and to give you a straight answer. I mean you can make it sound better (nicer) than the way I phrased it but I would ask him to make himself clear because your relationship with him is important to you, too. Tell him that.

    Regarding Megan: Even though he hasn’t said it, it sounds like he loves you on some level… maybe all levels. He sounds like a decent guy. If you’re wondering and before it’s too late, I think you should confront him about it… in the nicest possible way.

  3. @DJ First, ultimatum. Tell him you need him to help with housework and you need him to spend time with the baby and with you (three separate things). That’s what good daddies/boyfriends do. If he can’t/won’t or doesn’t want to do that and hold up his end of the relationship he has to go.

    Second, if he agrees and doesn’t do it or if he decides he won’t do it right from the start then just make him go. You have to follow through for you and for your son. Yes, it will be hard because you love him, but until he’s without the two of you I don’t think he’s going to understand what his life will be like. He may like it and be relieved, or he will miss you and realize he’s an ass.

    @Katie, It sounds like he really really likes you. That’s good and bad if you want your relationship to go further. He has put thought into this and decided that he respects and enjoys your friendship so much that he isn’t willing to risk losing it. He said you’ve gotten closer and there’s already drama so he’s afraid to go further. You may have to respect that….or….ask him if you two remain friends can he still be your friend when you’re with someone new? because if he won’t have a deeper relationship because he doesn’t want to lose you, and then can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else then he WILL lose you if he can’t be around you if you’re dating someone then he still loses.

    @Megan…it’s been over ten years. If something was going to happen it would have by now. It’s time to set your sights somewhere else.

  4. Wow, talk about run-on sentences. Sorry Katie.

  5. Wow, very thought provoking questions. The one that really tugs at my heart is the one from DJ, I guess it’s the mom in me. There’s nothing worse then a bad relationship where the child is getting short changed as well as the mom. It sounds like she has all the challenges of being a single parent with the mere technicality that she and her boyfriend are still together. It doesn’t sound like he adds any value as a partner or a parent. In my book, if you’re carrying the whole relationship by yourself, better to move on and find a partner who understands that the give part of a give and take relationship.

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