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Some recent questions:
I’m 25 and my boyfriend who I have been with for just over a year is 46. We are in a happy, stable relationship and I noticed him some times whisper, I love you. So I was upfront with him and asked him what he meant. He said he isn’t at that stage yet, and when he does say he loves me it will be because he will be devastated if he lost me. I find I am starting to fall in love with him but don’t want to tell him, so should I wait for him to say that L word? I also would like to have a baby; however he already has two girls and doesn’t want one. Should I stay with him? Should I go?
Thanks for your question.
So on the one hand you say he whispers “I love you” and on the other hand you say he isn’t ready to say it. So what’s the deal? Either way his response to your question seems strange. People usually say “I love you” to someone when they have such intense feelings that the words burst right out of them. It sounds like your guy will only say it when he’s about to break up with you.
Let’s focus on something that is clear. Your age difference in itself is not necessarily a problem. (You should listen to our video on Dating Older Men on our video page.) But the problem with such a disparity in age is how it plays out in terms of goals and dreams. You want children. He already has some. You want to get married. He may or may not want to. It’s likely you’re on a different page with every facet of your lives because he’s already experienced many of the things you’re looking forward to.
If you are really serious about this man you need to communicate to him EXACTLY how you’re feeling and what you want out of the relationship—including children. But remember, if he tells you he doesn’t want any more kids after you speak with him again, don’t think you’re going to change his mind. A lot of people stay in relationship thinking, “If this person loves me eventually they will change their mind.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. More typically, resentment builds for both people, and the relationship ends in flames.
We can’t tell you what to do Amber. But we can say, gather as much information as you can and then make a decision. It’s unlikely he’s going to make the hard decision to break up with you because he’s already getting everything he wants. So it will be up to you to figure it all out.
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