Relationship Advice: He won’t tell people we’re a couple

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Dear Guys,

I have been seeing/dating/sleeping with this guy for 7 years. I have met his family and friends. He says he loves me.

My problem is, when I ask him for a title for our relationship, he doesn’t answer me. He says for me to tell people what I want, or just avoids answering. I don’t know what this means. I’m confused as to why he can’t at least say, “Tell them we are seeing each other,” or something like that. His friends, my friends, and even his family knows we are a couple. So what’s the probem??

He tells me I can see whomever I want, but if I start to see someone else in one way or another he spoils any hopes of me having a relationship with another man. I want to be with someone who isn’t afraid to shout to the world, “She is mine!!” I try to relax and enjoy us for whatever we are, but I can’t completely because I feel until he claims me OUT LOUD to everyone that we are WE, he is just using me.

What should I do?

Rose Marie

Dear Rose Marie,

Thanks for your question.

Yes, you deserve to be with someone who is proud to say, “She’s mine!”

After seven years if you’re still getting the same non-response to your inquiries then do you really see this changing? And when you couple this with his apathetic attitude about you seeing other people, it doesn’t seem to “add up” to a satisfying relationship. In fact, it’s kind of confusing to us what’s really going on between the two of you.

From what you describe he’s definitely giving you mixed messages. He says he loves you, but then he says it’s okay for you to see other people. (If a guy loves a woman there is no way he’d be okay with his woman seeing someone else. That doesn’t make sense really.) So which is it?

We can’t tell you what to do. You know what’s best for you. But if you really want this situation to change you need to get him talking more. If he won’t discuss this very important issue—one that’s really bothering you—then he isn’t going to be the kind of guy who’s willing to discuss other important issues that arise down the road. A committed relationship is all about solid and open communication. Otherwise prepare for a lifetime of frustration.

Last thing. You seem kind of open to seeing other guys. It seems you’re more focused on being in a committed relationship with a man, rather than this particular man. Maybe this warrants some thought? Meaning, if you’re only not seeing other guys because “this guy” derails every opportunity that comes up, then maybe your heart is wandering for a reason?

Hope this gives you some things to think about. Leave us a follow up question or comment.

Good luck. We hope this works out for you, one way or another.


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