Is my boyfriend trying to get back at me for breaking up?

Dear Guys,

My boyfriend and I have been on for the last four years. We’d go out for a bit, then have a major fight, break up and then he’d come crawling back after a month or so, and then of course I’d go running back into his arms. (During one of our breakups he attempted to get with my best friend’s friend. But he was younger then and immature.)

Recently we got back together after a year of being apart. Things were different in a good way. We didn’t fight and loved spending time together.  This lasted longer than usual—four solid months of pure joy—and it was amazing. Then he started taking me for granted, treating me like a booty call, ignoring my attempts to save whatever we had going. And then, to top it off he kept “liking” my ex best friend’s pictures. I made it clear to him I didn’t appreciate that.

Anyway, after being fed up, I caught him off guard and left him! Yup. Finally, I did. He didn’t want it to end but I had my mind made up and there was nothing stopping me and he knew that. Six weeks later he started begging and pleading and crying, trying to get me to come back. I haven’t budged. I’m just tired of the same cycle for the last four years.

Now it’s been another six weeks and he’s started talking to the same girl I had issue with before. (My best friend’s friend.)

My question is: Is it most likely revenge? Or has he moved on and coincidently happened to be with her? What do you think is most likely..? please help!!


Dear  B,

Thanks for your question.

Whatever your boyfriend is doing, is the same old stuff he’s always done. You say he’s matured, but from what you’re describing, it sure doesn’t sound like it. Clearly he has no understanding of what it means to be in a committed relationship, because even after a year of missing you, he quickly fell into the same old patterns of behavior. He’s got a long way to go to figure this out.

To your question: It’s possible he’s trying to get back at you, but more likely, he’s trying to get your attention. He wants you to feel something towards him. Some sort of emotion, even if it’s anger or jealousy. In his mind anything is better than indifference. And to a degree it seems to be working, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be contacting us.

Our advice: This relationship has run its course. Take what you learned from this and grow from it, and then apply what you learned to the next relationship. You need a fresh start, and it’s not going to happen with him.

We are sorry. Breakups are very difficult. And we know you care about him, even if he hasn’t been the best boyfriend. Feel good that you gave it your all, but it might be time to move on.

All the best,


ps. Please spread the word and let your friends know about our site. Thanks. We appreciate it!

Read More: Relationship Advice and Dating Advice on Breaking Up


Breaking up


What do I do now? How can I leave my relationship?


Getting back together: Is it possible?


Was breaking up with him the right thing to do? 

Will he come back? 



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