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Relationship Advice: What’s his problem? (Mixed Signals)

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Dear Guys,

Okay, so I used to crazy for this guy Matt. He was my neighbor and we used to be friends.  We would talk and blah blah blah all that kinda stuff.  I was 17 and he was 23.  One time I asked him to hang out with me and he said okay.  He was going to help me study for an exam and I said I’d call him later.  I did and he didn’t pick up the phone or ever called me back.  Then the next week he moved and we never spoke again.   That was the end of October.

Now I’m 18, and he texted me yesterday asking me how I was. At first I didn’t know it was him because I deleted his number after he didn’t call me back. And I figured it out without asking him but I decided to ask who it was anyway because I felt like being mean.  He told me it was him and I didn’t text back. So now  he’s all like, “So you dont want to talk to me huh?” And I’m like WTF, I talked to you when you still lived here.  Then, he texts me at 10pm the other night wanting to hang out and I was like okay but I’m not driving to your house 30 minutes away. You can come to mine and then he was like oh nevermind I’ll call you tomorrow and he never did.

What is his deal? Is he into me or not?

Courtney

Dear Courtney,

Thanks for writing to us.

We have one question for you: Why in the world would you agree to hang out with him when he texted you at 10pm!!??? Please say you won’t do that again. That’s not a path you want to with guys.

So to your question: He’s into you, but only when it’s convenient for him. It’s time to move on and meet some new guys, preferably closer to your own age.

Here are a few things to think about. Please relay these to your friends as well.

1. If a guy only texts or calls the evening he wants to see you, he only wants one thing from you-sex. Bad news.

2. A six year age difference at 17 is huge, especially if the girl is younger. When you’re in your twenties it’s not that big of a deal, and when you’re even older  it doesn’t matter at all. But for now, stick to guys closer to your age. Girls, you gotta ask yourself, why is this guy not going out with girls/women his own age? Answer: Because they’re not interested in him. Hmm……

3. Boys, guys, men-should ask you out on proper dates, not just to hang out at their apartments or cars late at night.

4. Don’t settle. Be true to yourself and find someone who respects you, and loves you, not just someone who wants to have sex with you.

Good luck Courtney.

THE GUYS

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7 Comments on Relationship Advice: What’s his problem? (Mixed Signals)

  1. Courtney I know it may be hard to hear but The Guys are right! Any guy who texts wanting to see you at 10pm only wants one thing. Trust me. Better off just deleting that number once again 🙂

  2. Love your advice Guys! And Courtney, the Guys are right, absolutely do not settle. Ever! This guy is just not that into you and you deserve better.

  3. Hi guys,
    I have been together with my boyfriend for 6 years and I have been feeling for quite some years that my boyfriend is more like a brother to me.
    I love him so much and I can´t imagine myself not having him in my life anymore but I don´t love him as a man, I love him as a friend. He is my family and I´m his family but I dont see him as a man and he doesn´t treat me as a woman.I tryed to save the relationship so many times by talking to him about this and even giving him ultimatums, saying I wanted to leave him if he didn´t change etc..
    We already had a break for 5 months where we were living under the same roof but we where sleeping in separated rooms. He just doesn´t change anything, he accepts me sleeping in a separate room, everythings seems to be fine for him. In an earlyer stage of the relationship, I also discussed about me wanting to have family and get a ring but nothing happened..he says when we will have money we will…but I believe he only uses it as an excuse. I have told him I would be happy to get even the cheapest plastic ring, I just wanted him asking me to marry. The hole ceremony could wait,even 30 years, but atleast see he wanted to commit. Even when we had a 6 years anniversary, he went to play football with his friends instead of arrangeing something special with me. His excuse was (as always) the lack of money. But he could have arranged a romantic dinner at home, or taken a simple rose to show his affection. I believe that this past events have led me to feel this way about him.. specially the sex part. We don´t have sex any more. Before it was a strugle to have the desire for sex…now it would even feel weird to have sex with him, like having sex with a best friend. I´m turning 30 and he is 34, I think it´s too young to give up on sex and romance.
    What´s so confusing is that when I tell him I want to end the relationship he says he loves me and that he wants a future with me ,but then it comes to action he don´t change even a bit, even if I finish the relationship, he doesn´t seem to be sad..just a bit ungry for some hours and then he acts like nothing, laughting like nothing happened. Even the fact that we don´t have sex anymore…he doesn´t mind. He prefers to not EVER talk about relationship problems.
    I get the feeling that he is setteling for me thought he feels the same brotherly feeling for me, and this because he seems to think he won´t find somebody attractive(he has even told me so when we were on a break).
    That´s another side of the story, he is not feeling as a very attractive man, and to tell you the truth, it was not his looks that I feel for in the first place. I´m not a person that sees just the looks, I got in a relationship with him becasue of his inner qualities. In the other hand( not to sound egocentric please) I´m considered as very attractive. The sad thing is that I get the feeling that he is still with me because he won´t find any other good looking girl.
    What should I do? Am I crazy for feeling this way? Should I break the relationship and try to find love?

  4. @Lola…thanks for your note. Contact us through the contact page if you could.

  5. Hey guys! Im kind of stuck in a jam and would love your advice! So iv been dateing this guy for about a year now and we recently broke up 3 and a half a weeks ago .. Heres some back ground first. We had an amazing realtionship! He is the sweetest man i have ever met.. I felt like we were so in love he did eveything for me never broke plans with me always wanted to see me talked to me everyday more then enough effections .. Just so perfect ..so funny and just we had a really loving realtionship. And he hasnt changed theew the year at all.. The problem is he doesn’t have any family here they live in Winnipeg and his mom lives in church hill and are divorced. He lives in the same city as me.. He has always mentioned its always been an opportunity to move back home and go to school and get a career but never did because of me and just 3 weeks ago he decided hes going 🙁 .. And wants to do it on his own to prove he can do it on his own. I offered to move but he doesn’t want me to.. He said he will always be my best friend and hopes in the future we will be together again.. The thing is now he will barley tall to me and is acting cold and wont stay in touch unless i talk to him first? He always answers but i don’t get how someone ” so in love ” can just walk away let alone stop talking to me? I know hes at a cross roads with his life but.. I don’t know why he doesn’t want me along for the journey and is treating me this way?

  6. Guys!! I need your advice on this situation..
    I like a guy in my class but i don’t understand his behaviour towards me. I feel that he sends some mixed signals and its really hard to make up my mind as to what he wants.. I caught him gazing at me on several occasions..so it became my habit to check weather he stares at me. i observed that he briefly did on many occasions..so once when he was staring at me ..i looked into his eyes and maintained contact for over 6 secs..he dint look away..eventually i had to. once we sat together he brushed his knees against mine several times.i don’t know that was intentional or accidental. also when we have to do assignment together he talks to me however as soon we are done he never talks besides that.and when he’s made to sit besides me he gives side glances..but after some time gets up and goes over to his friend to chat.it seems he feels little uncomfortable around me.
    on one occasion another guy was sitting in front of him but when i entered the class the spot was vaccant so i went and sat there but he told me that the other guy was sitting there and i should find another spot. on another occasion i was sitting on the chair next to him but went out for some reason..meanwhile some other guy came and sat on my chair..so when i went to take my bag..the other guy asked me if i was sitting there and he offered to leave…but then my guy told him..chill bro ..no issues..i would find another spot..
    so please tell me what’s he upto..why does he act like that?? does he like me or not?? i am so confussed..I am a shy girl and dont know how to act around guys..plz help me out.

  7. @Nits…..It sounds like he’s into you but he’s playing it cool. However, if he continues to play it cool for too much longer it means he’s either not interested or not mature enough or confident enough to take the next step. But don’t make the mistake and do the work for him. He should be the one to initiate. Good luck.

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