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Relationship and Dating Advice: Man of my dreams, but I feel uncertain

Dear Guys,

About six months ago, I met this man at work and we became good friends. From day one, he would always follow me around during our shifts and find ways to keep me company and help me out with tasks. Early on, I found out about his girlfriend and I mentally put him as “unavailable.” Then, the trouble began. He started amping up his efforts and making it impossible for me to ignore him. I fell for him, and I fell pretty hard as well.

A few months after our friendship developed, this man and his girlfriend decided to wear “promise rings” and I was shocked. He was clearly flirting with me at work—all my coworkers thought so— and I was very confused by this. In August, she moved to a different area of the country and he claims their relationship has ended. As soon as she left, I became closer with him.

Now, I spend three or four days a week at his house, even overnight, although we have not slept together. He calls me several times a week, and will text me at least once a day. The promise ring has come off. He never mentions the name of his ex or anything, I always have to bring it up to ask if he is seeing her. He has suggested we move in together into a two bedroom apartment; I’m not sure if that means anything.

Basically, I don’t know where we stand right now. He wants to spend all this time with me, but will not commit to me, although we have had the talk before. I don’t understand if he actually is in love with me—he has said he loves me—or if I am being manipulated in some way. I know he still maintains contact with his ex girlfriend, although I don’t know if this contact is appropriate or not.

The fact that he technically cheated on her by flirting with me for months has me feeling scared. I am scared he will cheat on me. I am scared I will be discarded so easily. I am trying to trust him, but I need to know if you think he is being serious with me, and if he honestly does love me.

Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Thanks for your question.

It’s very important that you trust your gut here. Clearly, you’re not sure, and something is bothering you. And we can see why. He’s shown that he’s capable of being “unfaithful.” (Although some would argue that flirting isn’t being unfaithful.) He’s shown that he’s capable of juggling two women at once. (Promise rings, flirting with you, etc.) If you put these behaviors together, it’s very possible he’s a player.

However, we aren’t mind readers so it’s hard to know what he’s truly thinking or feeling. Based on his actions he certainly seems like he’s very much into you, but since he won’t commit to you we can’t determine to what extent. So the first thing that you need to figure out is whether or not his other relationship is truly over. To us, that point seems nebulous. He says they are over, but then why is he still talking with her? It doesn’t seem like they’ve made the transition to friends, so that’s something to look into. What exactly is the nature of their communication? And why is he even communicating with her at all? The fact that he doesn’t mention her name at all, but still talks to her, makes us suspicious. If they were just friends then he could share some of what they talked about. Red-flag here.

We suggest you proceed slowly with this until it’s more clear and you feel more certain. And moving in with someone is a big deal. You need to feel 100% sure—as sure as anyone can feel in a relationship—before you do that. A lot of people think if they move in with someone, or get married, or have a baby, all of a sudden that’s going to change things, or give them more control over the other person. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. He is who he is, and until you really know who that exactly is, we’d recommend taking this slow. Relationships are all about trust. You don’t have that foundation yet.

Feel free to ask us a follow up question, or questions. And keep us posted as this progresses.

Take care,

THE GUYS

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24 Comments on Relationship and Dating Advice: Man of my dreams, but I feel uncertain

  1. @Tiana……We answered your question on the other forum you left it at. “Nice, flirty, interested; how do you tell? Thanks.

  2. @ the guys. I’m 26 years old and turning 27 in January. I.do agree with you and sometimes feel like hes trying to make me fall into this plan he’s already made. Although, I don’t know if that’s completely abnormal. I’m a social worker and consider myself Perry well established. I’m thinking that’s adding to my level of impatience. Stay or go? I’m even more perplexed because I booked a surprise cruise for him and I to Bermuda in May. Friday is the last day I could get my $ refunded :/

  3. @Chrissy…….Have you sat him down and talked through any of this? What do you mean he won’t make time for you? That’s a red-flag as far as we’re concerned. Any time a relationship goes from being a priority, to a secondary consideration, it’s a problem. Life is busy for everyone, so that’s no excuse. It’s about prioritizing. If he thinks he can “disappear” and do his thing while you wait around for him, he needs to think again. You need to stand your ground otherwise you’re going to lose all the power in this relationship. And without a balance in power, this relationship is headed for more serious issues. Obviously you’re prioritizing him, and so if he’s not willing to do that, something needs to give. We can’t tell you whether to stay or go, but ask yourself some questions. Are you getting what you need from this relationship? Does he have your best interests in mind? Meaning, is he really thinking about you when he’s off doing his thing? Do you trust him? Do you think he’s the kind of guy who’s going to be there for you day in and day out? Are you going to have a partnership with this guy, or is it going to be an autocracy? Answer those questions and you’ll know what to do. Thoughts? Do you have more questions? Ask away. Good luck.

  4. Hi Guys;

    The man I asked you about (back in October) and I have been spending time together since late November. He has had me over to his place, and has re-introduced me to his older brother (I first met him about 16 years ago when we were dating the first time), whom he lives with, and we’ve been having a really great time together. He has also spent a little time at my place. We still largely communicate via FB emails, and still do a decent amount of online flirting/teasing.

    We tend to get together about once a week (sometimes once every couple of weeks) due to both of us having relatively busy schedules. However, when we are together, things are awesome. We are very comfortable talking to each other about most things (we were best friends before ever dating), and he is extremely flirtatious, sweet, and fun. One night, he fell asleep with his head on my lap as we watched a movie together…prior to his falling asleep, I offered to leave, seeing that he was tired, but he stopped me. As he slept, I couldn’t help but to run my fingers through his hair as he lay there for about an hour. He seemed so peaceful, content…and completely comfortable laying there like that with me. It was just about the most perfect that an evening could get, in my opinion. Once the movie was over, I woke him, and told him that I was going to take off. Again, he stopped me, and this time suggested I spend the night. I agreed, and we headed for his bedroom. Once there, we just curled up under the covers and fell asleep together…nothing sexual happened. It was very nice…

    The next time we hung out (about a week or so later)…very similar situation: he rested with his head on my lap, and dozed a bit as we watched TV together. This time, however, he started to touch me in a way that made clear what was on his mind. You can imagine what happened next…

    We’ve talked a bit about what has been going on between us, and we’ve said that we’ll kind of see where things go, and take it from there. We play video games together, chess, just talk or watch TV together sometimes…and we don’t have sex every time we hang out, either. He’s being rather open about his life, and volunteering information to me that let’s me know he’s “letting me in,” but again, I’m feeling the “hot and cold” cycle start up. There are many times when he’s absolutely amazing: attentive, sweet, loving…cuddling up on the couch with me before/during/after making out…the sex is great…but then, there are times when he goes “cold…” When he withdraws and seems to go into this brooding, distant phase…when all of the closeness and intimacy we seem to have gained feels like it dissipates a bit. Like he’s freaking out at how close we seem to be getting.

    It just feels like I’m in a sort of “limbo” with him. We’re not officially “dating” per se, but since that’s the case, I really don’t know what we’re doing. I hesitate to ask directly simply because I don’t want him to shut down completely, which is something he tends to do. (A little background on him, specifically: He had a mental breakdown several years ago, and is extremely protective of a LOT of factors which are typically associated with how one behaves in relationships, hence my inclination to tread lightly with him). At this point, I am not necessarily considering us to be exclusive, and have no idea where he is on that front…(i.e. whether he’s still open to seeing other women…and if he expects me to be ‘faithful’ to him). I feel like I need to ask, but again, it’s an area where I feel the need to tread lightly. I don’t want him to feel pressured or “penned in.” But in respect for myself, I don’t want to invest too much into him if he’s going to flake on me…Ugh….so confusing!!!!

    Any insight on this situation, Guys? What’s going on in his head? I don’t think it’s about the sex, because if it were, I’d imagine that’s all we’d do when we get together to hang out, and that’s not the case. But, that in itself leaves me even more befuddled! So many things in his actions make me think he loves me but is afraid to say so for whatever reason…other things make me wonder if I’m just absolutely nuts to even ‘go there’ with him again…As I’ve told you before, I genuinely love this guy…and have for most of my life. (And he knows it). I don’t want to give up on him (again), but I don’t want to leave myself “hanging out there” for something that may never happen, either. I don’t want to get hurt, and I certainly don’t want to hurt him. What should I do?

  5. @Renee…..So we seem to recall that you’re in your mid to late 30s. Is that right? And he’s around the same right? The reason we mention this is because if you’re still having to tread lightly when do you actually think you’re going to have a conversation about this? We’re worried that this is going to keep going on indefinitely. And then at some point you’re going to realize that you’ve been waiting around for something to happen which is never going to happen and then have missed out on many things you want. And then regret will ensue. We say it’s time to have the conversation no matter what happens. And honestly, do you really want to be involved with a guy you have to walk on eggshells with? It feels amazing now, but it won’t if the two of you are actually involved.

  6. @Guys, thanks for your insight. Pretty good memory about my situation (we’re both 32). I guess I’m just kind of protective of him, because of what he has gone through, and I don’t want him to feel pressured or hurt. You’re right, though…we do need to talk about this, regardless of the results. :-/ A little nervous about it, but should happen sooner rather than later.

  7. @Renee……Good luck and keep us posted.

  8. @Guys – Well, we talked (Tuesday evening). And I’m a touch more confused than before. Here’s the short version:

    At first, he got upset, thinking I was attempting to pressure him into a relationship…and said to me that he’s not wanting (or capable of) a relationship with anyone right now. He also proceeded to cancel plans we had made a week ago for last night. To clear things up, I reassured him that it was not the case, saying that I was just trying to figure things out. He seemed okay with that, and then came to my place last night where we talked a bit more. The odd thing: After we talked, he said I should ‘give up on him’ with regard to the prospect of us having a relationship, all the while continuing to flirt with me and making clear that he wants me. We subsequently ended up having a pretty wild night together. Again with the mixed signals…

    Is this the mark of a man that’s confused? A player? A sociopathic user? (Yikes!) No idea. We’ve been relatively close (first as best friends) for 20 years, and he said that he still had feelings for me when we started talking again. When I asked him about that, he tried to say that they were merely those of a friend that he has known for 20 years. But that didn’t ring true to me. In fact, it sounded like a load of bull. From my experience, men don’t use words like “having feelings” for someone to refer to friendship. Am I wrong in that perception?

  9. @Renee…….He’s not into you the way you’re into him. He continued flirting with you because he wanted to have sex with you, and your someone he can trust. It’s a great situation for him in that regard. He’s playing you because he knows he can take advantage of your feelings. He figures as long as he’s honest with you he’s off the hook. And to a certain extent that’s true. However, he also knows you’re still hoping. Like talking out of both sides of his mouth. Listen to his words. “give on on him.” Our suggestion: Move on from this. It’s going nowhere.

  10. hey 🙂
    i was wondering what can keep a guy from asking the girl he likes out?
    we like each other so what’s the problem?
    you should know his mum is very strict but not irrational. he’s never gone out with a girl before (he told me that) and he’s the long relationship type (he also told me) just like me. we see each other twice a week but the second time we usually aren’t able to talk. he is never online and he doesn’t even use his phone (long story)… if he likes me is there still a possibility he may as me out someday? and also what can i do to make him more comfortable around me and maybe even more comfortable with the idea of asking me out?
    also do you think he’ll lose interest if we don’t go out anytime soon? i mean he teases me non stop, he stares at me, he smiles every time he sees me and always always pays attention to me so whats up?

  11. @Emilia…..How old are you? That could have something to do with it if he’s really young. (High school or younger.) And some guys that age don’t want to take any risks. They want to be 100% sure that if they ask a girl out she’ll say yes. Is that clear? The last possible reason is that he only wants to be your friend. But it doesn’t sound that way from what you’re describing.

  12. This is a very confusing situation. I, myself find that I don’t understand it. I would like if you guys could maybe help me find alittle insight of what maybe happening. I met this guy a few months back. For the most part I’m a shy person but when we met we kind of just “clicked”. We basically talked for hrs driving around the first time. We texted back and forth daily for days. After meeting up again we both confided in each other and both seamed to be in complicated situations. I was broke up from a long turn relationship and so was he. Neither for that much time. Both still communication with those other people/ figuring things out. We both seamed to question wether we were in love with these people or if we were just “used to” our situations. Throughout the conversation we both understood that we liked each other but was not our intention to “fall” for one another, just a new friendship. We didnt want more complications. Met up a few more times. He also invited me to a few days with him but I had to decline. He was even willing to change his plans just to spend it with me. But I didn’t allow that, it would have been selfish on my behave. A few days before he was to leave for his vaca, we met up and one thing led to another. He wanted me to spend the night with him but I just couldn’t. I told him that that could not happen again because neither one of us knew what we really wanted (as in with our previous relationships) and I honestly just didnt want to get hurt if he still want that other person. We didnt talk for a few days till the day he left. He text me during his trip and when he got back. We still talked here and there but not as often. Few more days went without communication and then all of a sudden I hear from him that he was in an accident. He said that he was sorry for anything he may have put me through, that he was trying to “forget me” to make things easier. All in all he was on his way that day (of the accident) to officially tell this girl that he no longer wanted to be with her ( his words were a bit more harsh from what he told me) but he saw it as a sign that he wasn’t ment to leave her. I was not hurt, my only concern was his safety. I. Told him I understood what he was going through and that all I wish for him was his happiness and that if I meant to be by her side then he should do what he believes is right. Again, I knew our positions when we met and I truly just wanted a friend in my life. He has always been genuine with me, even with somethings that maybe he shouldn’t tell people he has done lol. He said he was getting back together with her but what i didnt understand was he said ” dont worry you can always count on me, I love you”. i dont understand. He even told me his background story with her (which is a bit weird, because she liked him but he wanted nothing to do with her and her best friend(his cousin) convinced him to take her to a dance and even when they were there he danced with other girls). Anyway, he got back with her that day and got engaged to her a few days later. A few weeks later, we met up again, we talked for a while with no hard feelings, but he grabbed my hand and held it the whole time. I even asked about the “I love you”. He smiled at me and said ” it means exactly what it said and I meant it. ( going back alittle when we first were talking he had mentioned that when he was with me he felt so good that he felt he could already say I love you, but didnt ever really say it till then.) Well, that was the last time I saw him. About a month and a half passed and he texts me that he was back from a vaca he had and to have a wonderful night. I texted back the next day but he didnt respond. I left it alone. Alittle over a week later I text him a simple ” sweet dreams sleep well”. We talk awhile that night, I tell him that I miss him and that its not the same but it’s understandable. He tells me he wants to plan a day together out of the city and spend the night together. It doesn’t ever happen I believe he wants to do right by her and avoids because of that. Which I understand. At this point I feel that I have fallin for him but I still kind of deny it. After that we stay from each other even by text. Two months pass, I am now with my partner again and working things out. I still can’t help but think of him. He was there when I needed him and definitely heard me when I talked about things. I wrote to him the other day just to say thank you for being such a great person to me, and that I am greatful to have met someone like him. He is truly a special person and someone like him is rare to come by. When I think about him all I see is his wonderful personality. It’s remarkable. His response was that he was glad that he met me too, and that I will always be part of his life. I just feel so confused. I love the person that I am with and we are doing much better than before. I just can’t help but think what could have been. Even though I know this changes nothing, I never said I love you to him but some how I feel I truly did fallin in love with him. I don’t know what to do or if I should tell him now I feel. I know it won’t change anything. I just wish I could get it off my chest and let him know that I too felt the way he did.

  13. @Lea…..What your experiencing is life. Connections are made all of the time. Strong ones. They don’t all necessarily need to be explored. And sometimes when they are explored they change. Our suggestion: Enjoy the warm feeling you have when you think of this other guy, but focus your efforts on making your current relationship stronger and stronger. The other guy is a reminder that the world is full of good people who care. That in itself is something to treasure. But understand that your memories of him, and how he might be on a day-to-day basis are very different. Focus on reality and what’s in front of you.

  14. Hi Guys. This is the closest topic I could find to my situation. I met this guy back in November and have seen him in a professional setting a couple of times since. I recently asked him for advice in graduate programs and suggested we meet at a coffee shop. He responded with meeting at a bar because it would be ‘more fun’. Our meeting went well and I learned a lot from him about his choices in the field he works in. I also learned that we have a lot in common and that he is someone I could see myself getting to know better. I sent him an email thanking him for meeting with me and I jokingly let him know that if he ever needs a drinking buddy, he knows where to find me. I wasn’t expecting a response, but he ended up asking me to grab a beer on a Saturday night. We had originally planed this for 7pm but he ended up getting called into work and we postponed until 10pm. We had a great time (lots of laughs and joking and some serious conversation about grad school and the future). He had been boasting about how his margaritas are far superior to any other margarita because of a certain ingredient he adds. I gave him a hard time about this because I thought the ingredient was strange and I didn’t believe that it would make the drink better. We get ready to the leave the bar and he says that he is going back to his apartment to drink margaritas in the hot tub (where he had been for most of the afternoon). He left it up to me if I wanted to go back with him. I told him that I would allow him to make me a margarita but I wasn’t getting in the hot tub. At this point, I am mildly tipsy and he is borderline drunk. We’re at his apartment and he makes margaritas. We’re drinking and talking amicably. I’m loving on his dogs and he subtly hints at hooking up but I don’t take the bait. He then tells me that what he is about to say could make him look like a total jackass but he wasn’t sure how forward I expected him to be. He says that he thinks I am incredibly attractive and suggests hooking up. I tell him that I’m not that kind of girl and he says he understands and won’t pressure me. I end up staying for about twenty more minutes which we spend talking. I texted him the next day to test the waters and he replied with moderately lengthy text messages and we had a back and forth conversation. He is a really nice guy but I kind of placed emphasis on just staying friends. He is moving across the country in July and I highly doubt he is looking for anything long term and I am not really into the hookup scene but I do enjoy spending time with him. What is your take on this situation? Do you think he would be willing to hang out with me again or did I totally blow all chances of getting to know him better? What do you think his perspective is on the whole situation?

  15. @Nichole…..You didn’t blow anything. He wants someone to hook up with before he leaves. He likes you, enjoys your company and is attracted to you. You seem like a great candidate for him. But we’re sure he’d also be friends with you. A guy can always use a good looking drinking buddy. However, be forewarned. If you go that route, he’ll always be trying to get you to hook up with him. And eventually you’ll probably succumb. Most do. Good luck.

  16. @Guys, Thank you for your insight. I really appreciate it! The reason I friend-zoned the relationship is because he is leaving and I didn’t think he would be interested in a relationship. From a guy’s perspective, would he see any potential in a relationship? Also, is it sending mixed messages if I ask him to hang out? When I was with him last time, he hinted at me asking him. I assumed this meant he was leaving it up to me so it wouldn’t seem like he was interested in a relationship-type situation. I have honestly never met anyone that I had so much in common with. Even personality-wise, we are very similar. It just makes me wonder if I should push a little harder to see if there is something there or just continue to go with the flow. Once again, thank you for taking the time to answer my questions.

  17. @Nichole…..We’re going to stick with our original assessment. So how you proceed will be up to you. And honestly, what do you really have to lose if you push it? At least you’ll know one way or another and it might give you a sense of control that you won’t have if you just go with the flow. Your call of course. Good luck. Keep us posted.

  18. Hi guys. First off AMAZING things you are doing here! Giving insight and perspective from a male pov is awesome.

    So my question is…
    I’m 25. I’ve been with my current on-off-not-sure guy. He is divorced. Has a child and we have been “together” for almost 4 years. We broke up about 18 months ago… Only to find out I was pregnant. He didn’t want me to keep the baby but I refused to go down that path.
    We now have a darling baby girl.
    Ive asked him several times directly “what are we doing?/what do you want?” type thing. He either ignores it completely or he says “I don’t know. Why can’t you just be happy with the way things are?”
    The way things are: he is a dad sometimes. he doesn’t like to put in much effort in to anything other than when he has an agenda aka sex.
    The sex is explosive and intense and NEVER disappoints. But afterwards I feel cheap and used. I feel like as a woman I’m trading sex to get love. And as a man he is trading “love” to get sex. And he always gets what he wants and I feel like my need for emotional intimacy and security isn’t there.
    So even long before I got pregnant he would always skirt around the commitment question by saying he wasn’t ready, his divorced messed him up etc. then when I broke up with him because I wasn’t willing to wait another 2 years to figure out where his head is at he throws in my face that he has an engagement ring and he was going to propose and I “blew it”. Now here we are almost 2 years later + baby and nothing has changed.
    Being a mother is something I am proud of. I have a great career and my daughter is my whole world.
    But she deserves to have a healthy stable relationship and not this on again off again sex or commitment thing going on between her parents.
    Is he ever going to put a ring on my finger or should I stop wasting time hoping for a change and move on with my life?
    Thanks so much!

  19. Oh and maybe to make things clearer he’s 37. So it’s not like he’s 18 and “unsure”. When a man knows a woman is the one he just knows right? So hesitation = not the one. Am I right?

  20. I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for a short time, 2 months, but we are exclusive.

    We has a holiday booked which was booked a year a ago. Its a group trip but at the end he is continuing travelling with a friend he met on last years trip. He says they are just friends which I accept but today he tells me that at the end of the trip they are travelling together and sharing a hotel room. I have no reason not to trust him and I do, but I actually find this behaviour really disrespectful and inappropriate. He doesn’t seem to think so… Am I overreacting?
    Thanks for your help

  21. @Louise……Thank you for your donation. We do appreciate it. So are you upset with the fact that he’s traveling with another woman and sharing a hotel room, or because he didn’t tell you? Or both? We don’t think you’re overreacting, mainly because he wasn’t upfront about it. If he had come to you before your leg of the trip and told you what his plan was maybe you would have taken it differently. Maybe. But your relationship is so new, and that’s also factoring into this. If you were with the guy for two years this may not be a big deal, but two months is a short time. And he should understand that. The two of you might really have a strong connection but trust is built over time. Sometimes years. Questions: Have you met this woman? Has she tried to make it clear that she and your boyfriend are just friends? The issue we have is the coercive nature of all of this, not necessarily the hotel room. Was their trip booked before he met you? Our advice: Figure out WHY you’re upset and focus on that. If he really cared about you he’d be a bit more understanding of why you’re upset, and be doing what he can to reassure you. But you need to figure that out first. Good luck. Feel free to treat this as a conversation.

  22. Sorry I don’t think I made myself clear.

    He went on a trip with a group last year and he met this girl then, she lives in Canada and he lives in the UK.
    They booked a trip for this year last year when that trip ended and they are going sailing in Greece but when the trip ends they are travelling another week together. I knew about the trip because he told me but this morning he told me that they would be sharing a hotel room. I didn’t know this. It’s ‘twin beds’.
    I’ve never met this person.

    So he has been upfront and told me. The issue for me is that although we’ve only been together 2 months, we are exclusive and I met his parents last week and as we are both 36 we are both looking for something long term.

    I feel it’s disrespectful that he would choose to share a hotel room with another woman and feel he’s not taken my feelings into considersation. If the roles were reversed even if I had booked the trip a year ago I would change the tool bookings as 2 singles as a sign of respect.

    I find generally he’s not that considerate and this is another example..

    Do you not think its disrespectful??

  23. @Louise…….We get your point of view. This is a judgement call. Is it disrespectful? We might not go that far, but it’s certainly shows some insensitivity on his part. What strikes us is the fact that he still is excited to go on this trip with this other woman now that he’s got you in his life. Not that he should cancel everything in his life, or never do anything independent of you, just that, it seems he might say something to you like, “I really wish I was going with you. Etc.” Instead, he springs that he’s staying in the same hotel room with her. Per that point. We don’t suspect any sort of funny business going on, but we look for patterns to determine character. If this is a pattern of insensitivity as you mentioned, then that might be something to consider. If this were just a one-time blemish then it might not be that big of a deal. Your call. What do you think? At the very least it seems this warrants a sit-down conversation with him as a willing participant. We just think he’d want you to feel as comfortable with the situation as possible and be doing everything he could to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about.

  24. Hey guys!
    Well i think i’ve found my perfect boyfriend.. is this and that hadn’t have happened!

    We had a fling before we got together (been together for 8 months now) and well he had some other girls too! I know we weren’t serious at all and both said it was fun but still it hurts now that I know he had over 15 girls! He didn’t sleep with all of them though. It’s just not a nice feeling walking around in the streets and seeing everyone and knowing “oh he had her and her oh yeah and they made out too”. Anyway there was this one girl who he slept with for many times.. they both said it was fun but she developed feelings for him and he knew but still played along! Anyway she knew about me and I had no clue who she was. She knew that I too had a thing with him! But I never slept with him yet! She kept on asking him and telling him not to see me and he wouldn’t do that to her and so on. Then after a while we said we would try together, so we did. Then he told me few things and I found out how weak he is/was. That one girl had a boyfriend before and she cheated on him with my present boyfriend, and my boyfriend knew she was cheating! I thought that was the lowest! But then he kept on sleeping with her! After we said we would try he didn’t want to tell her we were together or trying.. because he didn’t want to hurt her, but he said he decided to be with me so why does he have to care for her so much and doesn’t think about how I felt? And also I was upset they kept in touch so much so he wrote to her that I have problems about them keeping in touch so he doesn’t want o write to her for a while but there will be a time where all 3 of us can be happy (WTF why would he write that?!). Then she kept on writing to him and he never could tell her to just bugger off! He always said he didn’t want to hurt her but didn’t realize how it hurt me even I told him so many times! Why was she so much more important to him even he wanted me as his girlfriend? I asked him and he said it was stupid of him she never was more important and so on. And during our schooltime or breaktime he even visited her, infront of me.. that really hurt me! And he is the one that usually gets extremely jealous. But anyway I can’t forget! It went on for 3 or 4 months! She kept on writing and even visiting him at work and at his hometown! He ignored amazingly but if he would’ve just said that she should bugger off in the beginning it may not have gone this far.. I really can’t forget! I can’t trust him.. even he is a really great boyfriend now.. I just can’t stand it when I see other girls he made out with or slept with.. and why the cheapest women.. and when it comes to the other girl it just disgusts me, it embarrasses me, cause all my friends warned me that he was so easy to have and always the cheapest women! Can you help me to get over these feelings? How can I forget or at least forgive..? cause I know he is serious with me.. he says he changed I do believe so.. it’s just hard to really trust him.. cause he is weak.. he cant say no!

    There’s so much more I’d like to say… but I think I’m making a mess with the whole story.. it goes from the one end to the other, hope you can still help me!

    Thanks guys! And sorry if it’s complicated!

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