My boyfriend and I met online a year ago. Once we started dating we both deactivated our accounts. But after a fight I saw that he reactivated his. After approaching him about it he apologized and deleted it. A few months later after another fight I saw an email notification that he had signed up for a completely new online dating website. I am unsure how to approach this or what it means. Right now things seem better than ever as we approach our one year anniversary, but maybe they are not as good as they seem?
Thanks for your question. We’re glad things seem to be better, but do you really think you should ignore this pattern of behavior? (Every time the two of you have a problem, he goes and starts exploring dating sites.) His behavior is a red-flag. It basically means he’s got one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. As soon as something goes wrong he’s off checking out what else is out there. This is not the behavior of someone who is committed for the long haul. And it means a part of him is not satisfied with what he has.
In order for relationships to thrive both partners have to choose the relationship every day. The relationship must be their first priority when they’re out traversing the world. Because these days, with online dating, chat rooms, and other web related activities, it’s easier than ever to stray. And not only stray, but to hide any “activity” from a partner. That’s why this needs to be addressed now.
We understand that you’re scared to broach the topic for fear that he’ll leave, but honestly, if you don’t, it’s not like the problem’s going to go away. And really, just because he’s physically in the relationship doesn’t mean he’s committed emotionally. Do you really want to be with a guy you can’t trust? Do you want to be with a guy who doesn’t feel as excited to be with you as you are with him? We don’t think so. If he freaks out and breaks up with you, you’ll have all the answers you need. As sad as that might be, he’ll be doing you a favor, and you won’t waste any more time with a guy who cheats. If he doesn’t freak out, and seems completely remorseful, apologizes, asks for forgiveness and says he’ll do anything to restore the trust in the relationship—including going to couple’s counseling or something like that—then at that point you can decide if that’s what you still really want.
What do you think? Does this make sense to you? Do you have any follow up questions? Ask away.
Good luck and keep us posted.
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