So my exboyfriend and I dated for a year. We broke up due to the fact he was brewing some kind of relationship with this girl, or more of a way too friendly friendship. It caused us to fight so much and to tear down the trust we had for each other. After plenty of arguments and screaming I walked away from him.
After a few months we became friends again; but now we still treat each other like were still together. I love and care for him very much and I can tell he has been trying to change his bad ways and really feels regret for putting me through so much sorrow with that other girl. Well now that we are kind of in a relationship again—sort of— the issue of homecoming came up. I unfortunately got asked out by some guy a month ago, which I said yes to because I felt badly and also, my boyfriend and I weren’t as close as we are now. Well now my boyfriend asked out some girl which I’ve been feeling really jealous about. She’s gorgeous and I can tell is totally interested in him. Since our last incident with the other girl, I haven’t been completely able to trust him. I told him how uncomfortable I felt about him asking her and he did it anyway. He tells me nothing will happen, but I just can’t seem to trust him nor can I trust her. I know it’s not fair for me to tell him not to go with her anymore, but I’m so jealous.
I knew he felt a little sting when I got asked out, but he knows my date are I just friends. Do you think it’s wrong of me to ask him to not take this other girl? Should I just trust him and let him go with her?
Thanks for your question. We agree that this is a bummer. But this kind of thing actually happens quite a lot. (Two ways.) Your way, where people break up, get back together and end up going to the dance with different people. Or, people get asked to Homecoming—possibly by just a friend—and then they start dating someone else. It’s always a bit awkward, but not usually more than that.
So, what do you think? Do you think it’s fair of you to ask him not to go to Homecoming, especially since you’re already going, and the two of you are only “kind of” in a relationship? And even if you were in a relationship, would it be fair to ask him not to go? Would you then tell your date you’re not going with him?
We understand why this is upsetting, but this is something you’re going to have to push through. Look, what’s the worst that can happen? He decides he likes her and not you, or they hook up or something. Yes, that would be very upsetting; but if that’s all it took for him to dump you and date someone else then you’re saving yourself a lot of heartache. Because if that’s the way he thinks, even if you avoided it now by asking him not to go, it would eventually happen some time in the future. (We’re hoping he doesn’t think that way.)
So go to the dance, try to have fun, don’t make a big deal of it, and don’t ruin your date’s time by looking over your shoulder the whole night. Think about how he’ll feel.
Hopefully this will just be another bump in the road; and maybe it will actually be a good test to see if what you have with your “kind of” boyfriend is really as strong as you think. If you get past this, then you’re on your way to a more solid and trusting relationship, and if you don’t, then it’s time to move on, and you’ll be better off without him.
Let us know if you have any follow up questions. Leave in the comments section below.
Take care and HAVE FUN,
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