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He’s controlling and jealous; friends with the opposite sex(Read comments)
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Hi. There is this guy that reconnected with me via Facebook whom I knew from my childhood. He messaged me asking if I was so and so’s sister. I had no clue who he was. This is going back almost two months ago now. From then on we added eachother on Facebook and a week later we started speaking on the phone. We got along really well and we hit it off really quickly. He was always calling and texting me. Whether it was in the middle of the day or calls til late at night. He was the one always initiating them. I never took it as anything more then a friendship. He was divorced very recently from a suffocating marriage. He has two kids so alot of the times he would open up to me about his problems.
Anyhow two weeks later he had his friend visit him from another country. I started to see him let loose a bit and he wasn’t calling me as much as before. He started going out more and partying. I think he was making up for lost time from his marriage as he got married pretty young. I started to feel like he was brushing me off. One night I sent him a text saying pretty much that. He said he was not ready to offer anyone anything more then a friendship. He said he needs time for himself and that he hopes I understand that. I took offense because I never asked for much anyway. We talked more and worked out the misunderstanding. However, the next day I found out from a random girl via Facebook that this guy met some girl and he told her he wants to get to know her for something serious, and that he would like to meet her in person.
So to make a long story short, he’s been dating other women, but still talking to me. And he’s been giving me major mixed signals. And sometimes he’s not reliable, and texts but then doesn’t. I just wanted to get a male point of view on this.
Dear Miss X,
Thanks for writing to us.
You really haven’t said what you want, so we’ll just assume that you’d like to have some sort of relationship with this guy, otherwise you wouldn’t be stressing over all of his actions.
The bottom line is, this guy isn’t ready. And we can’t blame him. Think about what he’s coming out of: a suffocating marriage. You said so yourself. The last thing he wants is, to be in another serious relationship, even if that person-you-is totally terrific. If you really think this guy is something special you’re going to need to be very patient. It might take a long time. And frankly he may never want to get serious again. People who’ve been married often have different attitudes about getting remarried once they’re divorced. We know a lot of divorced guys that say, “We will never get married again.”
The best thing you can do for yourself is sit on the sidelines for this one, because a lot of women are going to get played if they choose to connect with this guy. That’s what we think is going on with this other woman you mention, and probably will happen a bunch more times until he gets it out of his system, if he ever does.
If you enjoy his company, be his friend, but if you get more involved than that, you’re going to get hurt and be more confused. He’s just not ready yet.
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