I have a boyfriend of four months. He is 18, I’m 17. He is convinced that I am the one for him. He has a full-time job and his life has already started. I, on the other hand, have college, and other life experiences ahead. I really care about him, and I can see myself with him. My parents think that I should experience college without that extra “baggage” of a boyfriend when I leave. I am not totally sure what to do. I want this to work out; I want to be with him, but then I have doubts. I know that at college you need to experience everything, get to know new people, and find who is compatible with you. He has already planned to propose to me after our one year. I want him to wait. We have had sex, and I feel like because of that I need to stay with him. I don’t want to go through the emotional toll of breaking up, or hurting him, but I don’t know what to do. I’m really struggling with this whole situation in general. I can see myself getting married to him and spending my life with him, but we have to get to that point.
What should I do? Stay with him and work through it when I’m at college? End it, and see what happens? I’m at such a loss. Please, any advice would be great!
Thank you for your question. This is a very complex issue you are dealing with. Hopefully we can help you sort this out.
Let’s start with your parents. All parents want their children to be happy, but it’s more than that. They also want them to realize their full potential. College is a huge step towards doing just that. Your parents want you to experience all that college has to offer. They want you to be open to new ideas, new people, and new discoveries, because they understand—they’ve lived many more years than you—that you are just beginning the process of self-discovery and self-actualization. We don’t know how they feel about your boyfriend, but they see him, and this relationship, as impeding your ability to become who you are meant to be. They also don’t want you to “waste” any more of your time on a relationship they feel is eventually going to end. (Most high school relationships do end eventually, but of course, not necessarily.)
We see your situation as a timing issue. Your boyfriend may be a wonderful guy, and possibly the rare young guy who is actually ready for a committed relationship, but the timing is off. If you go to college with one foot back at home, you are going to regret it later, and possibly resent your boyfriend for holding you back. On the other hand, if you break up with your boyfriend per your parent’s wishes, you may regret that as well, and be upset with your parents.
Ultimately this is your decision. But if we had to choose we’d say go to college and experience it to the fullest. And who knows after that. If down the road, you and your boyfriend are both open to the idea, you could give it a go then. He seems like a good guy, and sometimes good guys are hard to find. And, maybe with four more years of experience you’ll be more comfortable making the decision of whether or not you want to build a life with him.
What do you think? Does this help or confuse you more? Let us know your thoughts in the comments’ section below. And ask as many follow up questions as you’d like.
ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. (Maybe your parents too.) Thanks. We appreciate it.
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