Should I break up with my high school love when I head to college? (Relationship and Dating Advice)

Dear Guys,

I have a boyfriend of four months. He is 18, I’m 17. He is convinced that I am the one for him. He has a full-time job and his life has already started. I, on the other hand, have college, and other life experiences ahead. I really care about him, and I can see myself with him. My parents think that I should experience college without that extra “baggage” of a boyfriend when I leave. I am not totally sure what to do. I want this to work out; I want to be with him, but then I have doubts. I know that at college you need to experience everything, get to know new people, and find who is compatible with you. He has already planned to propose to me after our one year. I want him to wait. We have had sex, and I feel like because of that I need to stay with him. I don’t want to go through the emotional toll of breaking up, or hurting him, but I don’t know what to do. I’m really struggling with this whole situation in general.  I can see myself getting married to him and spending my life with him, but we have to get to that point.

What should I do? Stay with him and work through it when I’m at college? End it, and see what happens?  I’m at such a loss. Please, any advice would be great!

Thank you!

Dear Erin,

Thank you for your question. This is a very complex issue you are dealing with. Hopefully we can help you sort this out.

Let’s start with your parents. All parents want their children to be happy, but it’s more than that. They also want them to realize their full potential. College is a huge step towards doing just that. Your parents want you to experience all that college has to offer. They want you to be open to new ideas, new people, and new discoveries, because they understand—they’ve lived many more years than you—that you are just beginning the process of self-discovery and self-actualization. We don’t know how they feel about your boyfriend, but they see him, and this relationship, as impeding your ability to become who you are meant to be. They also don’t want you to “waste” any more of your time on a relationship they feel is eventually going to end. (Most high school relationships do end eventually, but of course, not necessarily.)

We see your situation as a timing issue. Your boyfriend may be a wonderful guy, and possibly the rare young guy who is actually ready for a committed relationship, but the timing is off. If you go to college with one foot back at home, you are going to regret it later, and possibly resent your boyfriend for holding you back. On the other hand, if you break up with your boyfriend per your parent’s wishes, you may regret that as well, and be upset with your parents.

Ultimately this is your decision. But if we had to choose we’d say go to college and experience it to the fullest. And who knows after that. If down the road, you and your boyfriend are both open to the idea, you could give it a go then. He seems like a good guy, and sometimes good guys are hard to find. And, maybe with four more years of experience you’ll be more comfortable making the decision of whether or not you want to build a life with him.

What do you think? Does this help or confuse you more? Let us know your thoughts in the comments’ section below. And ask as many follow up questions as you’d like.


ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. (Maybe your parents too.) Thanks. We appreciate it.

Questions about high school dating and/or questions about virginity: 

High school dating: Am I hot or not? 

Do looks matter? 

I slept with my virgin friend; bad decision, and now I feel badly


1 Comment on Should I break up with my high school love when I head to college? (Relationship and Dating Advice)

  1. Hi Guys,

    Okay this may be a little long – I will shorten it as much as possible.

    My boyfriend and I dated for four years. Freshman in high school until freshman in college. We were each others firsts. We each have never had any other substantial relationships. He has always told me he loves me, cares for me, makes him happy and wants to spend his life with me. He has always showed it in tremendous ways also. I know I am young, but I love him to death and honestly picture my life with him. Everything we want out of life adds up. We are so comfortable around each other and everyone we know envies how strong our relationship is.

    Anyway… in November, out of nowhere and unexpectedly, he broke up with me. He told me it was not something he wanted to do but he felt he needed to. His feelings had not changed, but he did not want to go through life without other experiences before our relationship got even more serious. After about two weeks he came running back. However, we both agreed not to jump into a relationship again. We were exclusive, however. For the next four months everything seemed to be going great. We talked about our feeling consistently and he told me he was so happy and loved being with me and wanted it to be that way forever. He also showed it too.

    A week after we had one of those discussions where he was crying out of love and happiness for me, he broke up with me for the second time.. for the same reasons. I am so confused. He again told me he just needs his space, he needs to have other relationships to make sure that ours is right, After that though, he told me he does not want another relationship and knows that no one will be better than me and no one will make him happier. He even told me he is forcing himself to not think about me or his feelings for me because if he does then he will just get back together with me. I asked if I did anything and he said no, I made him as happy as ever and he loves me more than ever.

    I honestly think he is confused, and unhappy in his life – therefore since I am the biggest source of happiness he is blaming it on me. I know he needs his space, especially after doing this twice. But him and I both know there is no one else, even if his feeling are underneath all of these negative thoughts. I believe once he sorts out his thoughts and feelings for good he will come back. I know it is not necessarily the best thing to hope, but I cannot help it. And if everything he told me was true about his feelings for me, which he said he never lied about, then he will come back.

    He also told me he is unhappy in the relationship because of all the thoughts he is having and it is not fair to me if he cannot 100% commit. I love him to death. It has been about a week and we have not spoken (everyone tells me not to speak to him until he contacts first.. I am worried it may be for a while though). I am really levelheaded right now because I love and care so much. Everyone who knows us tells me he will eventually come back, he just needs his time and space.

    One of my biggest concerns is that in the long run I am wasting my time.. but I cannot help the way I feel. I also worry that he is doing fine right now, and since we haven’t spoken I wouldn’t even know. He was crying while he did it and the two times we spoke right after, and told me it was killing him, but he needed to be strong and do it.. that’s the other thing I do not understand. If it hurts so bad to do it and you do not want to go through with it and you want to be with the person deep down then why do it?

    He also says not to expect anything. He needs his time and has to go through with it this time. I know that there is no one else and I know he is not letting me down easy. I believe he is extremely confused and that he will come back because honestly I have treated him like gold for four years and want to for the rest of my life. I understand some things but not everything, which gives me no closure and leads me to hope that he will come back. I could honestly use any advice to maybe help me understand him a little more because right now he is the only person who understands himself; me nor any of his or our friends do.

    Again.. sorry for the length!

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