Should I dump my boyfriend?

Read more Relationship Advice from THE GUYS on Breaking Up. 

Good Afternoon Gentlemen,

I just wanted an outside opinion. About one month ago I broke up with my boyfriend. Long story short. I had a life-threatening illness which I almost died from and he was in no way shape or form there for me mentally, physically, financially, socially. We had been together for almost two years. I was so hurt and upset. Finally while recovering I had had enough. I blew up at him and told him not to contact me again.

Then on Xmas day I sent him a merry Christmas text and somehow we ended up in a heated argument and I said some pretty awful things. He said, “You broke up with me.” I kept the text. When I said I was going for a bike ride with another guy friend, I could tell it hurt him, but honestly the only reason I did that was because it just felt like he didn’t ever love or care for me, or he would have acted differently when I was ill. I asked yesterday if he wanted to come over and watch a movie and chat. He said, “You all of a sudden want me to come over? I am single and happy.”

Do you think that statement is true, or maybe he is just trying to be a tough guy? Should I just forget him ever wanting to go back out or should I try to get him back?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks much,

TC

TC,

We’re glad you’re recovered from your illness.

The first thing you need to do is figure out what you want. On the one hand you talk about how unavailable your boyfriend was during your illness and on the other hand you seem to want him back. We can see why he’s confused. We certainly are.

So what do you want? We know you’re really hurt by his behavior and lack of attention during your illness, but to us, it sounds as if you still love him and want to be with him. Is that true?

We can’t make your decision for you, but here are a few things to consider when deciding how you want to proceed.

-Just because you’ve recovered from your illness and feel better doesn’t mean that you should forgot that he wasn’t there for you when you needed him most. That’s kind of important, don’t you think? At the very least you deserve an explanation as to why. And even with a good explanation, actions speak louder than words. Remember that life is full of curveballs. Your illness was just one. You need a solid partner who’s going to have your back no matter what comes up.

-Most relationships run their course and eventually end. Now that you feel better, make sure you truly understand why you want him back. Is it because you love him and really want to be with him, or is it out of habit, or possibly loneliness?

-If you decide you still want to be with him, the two of you have a lot of things to sort out. Lots of heart-to-heart conversations. Will he be willing to do that with you?

You might feel now as if you made a rash decision by breaking up with him, however rash decisions are rare. Usually they stem from a feeling that’s been brewing underneath the surface. If his behavior during your sickness was an aberration it’s doubtful you would have broken things off. Think about your relationship BEFORE your sickness and that will supply you the answers you’re looking for.

If you have follow-up questions/comments/thoughts leave in comments’ section below. (You must be Logged In to do so.)

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks!

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