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Some recent questions for THE GUYS:
I am in a long term relationship but have a very serious attraction to a guy in my office. He is also in a long term relationship. I think he has some interest in me as well, but he is the smart/shy type, so it is difficult to tell how far he is willing to take it. I don’t want to end my relationship or his, but a short lived fling sounds kind of fun.
How do I get him to move on this or is it just a bad idea all together?
Thanks for your question.
If you’re asking for our “permission” to cheat then the answer is a definitive NO. And maybe that’s exactly what you were hoping we’d say, otherwise there’d be no reason to consult our opinion.
Your interest in this other guy more likely stems from something missing in your current relationship, rather than how amazing he is. So before you move ahead with something you’ll regret, why don’t you take a hard look at what’s going on between you and your boyfriend? Is there a lack of communication between the two of you? A lack of affection? Are you not on the same page with some important issues? Are you putting in more time than he is? Is the distance too much? Maybe you’ve fallen out of love with him? What is it? It’s critical you get to the bottom of what is really going on for you.
On the flip side, we understand that a short fling SOUNDS fun. But it’s fantasy. And honestly, that’s where it needs to stay. Keep your attraction in your mind. (There’s a lot you can do with it right there.) Once you move the fantasy to the real world only trouble will ensue. That’s when people’s lives are altered forever.
If you find that you can’t stop yourself from pursuing this other man, at least deal with your current situation first, and then proceed forward. You’ll be glad you did; and your boyfriend will appreciate your honesty, even though he’ll be sad, and possibly angry about the breakup. (It’s much better than you cheating on him.)
And finally we’re wondering what kind of guy this co-worker is who might consider cheating on his partner? (Of course you don’t know if that’s true or not, so we’re speculating.) Maybe in the fantasy world that doesn’t matter, but it very much does in this one.
ps. Let your friends know about us. Thanks!