August of last year I had the pleasure of getting to know a guy who worked closely with me. We went on a few dates and had an amazing time. Soon we started dating and a few weeks later we slept together. He’d occasionally bring up his ex, mostly hateful things. He told me that they were together for five years and engaged for one. They broke up in May after he found out she was cheating on him.
He and I had a lot of great times. He was basically making me fall in love with him. Then we broke up in December. He said it was because he wasn’t over his ex and that I deserved to date someone who could love me like I deserved to be loved. It’s March, three months after we broke up. He does contact me occasionally to see what I’m up to. He slept on my couch a few nights ago, the first time I’ve actually seen him since December. My question is, should I wait for him? I am absolutely prepared to wait for him, but I don’t know of it’s something he’d want me to do.
Thanks so much guys,
The question isn’t what he’d want you to do, the question is, what is really going on here? And we’re going to be honest with you here because we think you need that. But please understand that our comments are coming from a supportive place.
We don’t doubt the two of you had good times together, and we’re sure he cares for you, but he’s clearly still not over his ex, even if he wants to be. Which means, this is a rebound relationship for him, one that’s helping him with his pain while he sorts out his feelings. He’s basically using you for emotional support and leaning on you for comfort and sex.
We respect that he was honest with you. He could see that you were falling for him, and for a while that made him feel whole again, but in the end, he realized he wasn’t being fair to you. We’re sorry to say this, but he’s not in love with you. He’s in love with his ex. The more hateful things he says about her, the more that should tell you how strong his feelings are for her. And if we were betting men, we wouldn’t be surprised, that if she wanted to get back together with him, he would do just that.
You do realize that the reason he still contacts you, is not to see how you are doing, it’s to see if you’re still open to him. It’s a way of keeping you in the fold, in case he decides he wants you back. But ask yourself this question: Do you want a guy who “settles” for you, or do you want a guy who thinks he’s the luckiest guy in the world to have found you?
Honestly, we know you love this guy, but we don’t think this is a healthy situation for you. He shouldn’t be contacting you, or sleeping at your place. You need to sit him down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. You need to be honest with him and tell him how you feel, and then ask him to be completely honest with you about how he feels. If he’s at all wishy-washy or uncertain, that should tell you everything you need to know.
You know Courtney, he’s right. You do deserve to be with a guy who loves you the way you love him. We just don’t think he’s the guy.
Let us know if you have any follow up questions/thoughts. Leave them in the comments’ section below.
We wish you all the best.
ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks!