Staying friends with FWB?

Hi Guys,

You have really sane and reasonable answers to some of life’s sadder and more confusing issues. I recently broke it off with a FWB (Friends with Benefits). I was developing feelings for him and while he didn’t make it clear that he didn’t have feelings for me, I take it that he would have pursued me if he did. He didn’t.

Is it ever possible to have a friendship in this situation or is it just too awkward for everyone? Am I just kidding myself and hoping that by hanging around he will develop feelings for me? We weren’t really great friends before we hooked up—we had known each other for a while and the timing was right for a fling.

Also, I found out he told his friends about me. My nickname is Amanda “hug n kiss.” (Ouch!) When I mentioned to him that I told my friends about our situation he got defensive and kept saying, “What did you say to them?!” (Just thought you should have this information.)

Thanks. You guys are awesome,

Amanda

Dear Amanda,

It is possible to become friends with an ex-FWB, but we would strongly advise against it in your situation. Why? We don’t think it will be good for your emotional well-being because we don’t see this developing into anything more. Sure, if you hang around for a bit, he might decide he wants to hook up again, but it’s pretty clear from what you’ve said, that he’s not interested in anything more than a FWB.

Can we be brutally honest? (Sorry, but we’re just trying to be supportive. We think you need to hear this.)

He and his friends are making fun of you if they refer to you as Amanda “hug n kiss.” In fact, his friends may even be making fun of him by giving you that moniker. Factor in his strong reaction when he found out you told your friends about him and clearly he is not respecting you. Bottom line Amanda: This is not a healthy situation for you, and will only get worse if you stick around. This is your call, but you need to give this some serious thought. We’re really sorry we couldn’t be more positive.

In general, we’re not fans of FWB arrangements for this very reason. Our advice would be to find a man who loves and respects you and not settle for less.

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks!

 

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