The king of mixed-signals

Hi Guys!

My co-worker and I have a great friendship going for the past 18 months. I have feelings for him and he’s been displaying all the signs that he also has feelings  for me. For instance, he has admitted that he comes up with any silly reason to come by my office just to see me. If he’s had a super busy day and we haven’t seen or spoken to each other all day, he’ll call me a few minutes before he leaves just to explain he had a busy day. We have lunch together just the two of us at least once a week. He sent me roses on my birthday! We talk and act like we’re together and everyone already thinks we’re a couple. And he FEEDS that rumor.

About six months ago, I kinda admitted to him that I wanted more than friendship but he revealed he was seeing someone. Someone he never even once mentioned to me although he’s told me all about his family and friends. So we remained friends, in fact nothing really changed between us. And now I know he’s not seeing this woman anymore but I don’t want to bring up my feelings again because I figure if he’s free now and still not making a move, then he’s not interested, right?

I guess my question is how can you spend all day, five days a week, flirting with someone, spending time with them, talking to them several times a day and then just go home and forget about them? I don’t get it. Should I try again? I’m so confused!



Dear C,

Sounds confusing. Daily visits. Phone calls. Roses. Girlfriend. Breakup. No change. What is going on?  Wouldn’t it be nice if guys were more direct?

But besides him coming up to your desk, or calling you to tell you he’s busy, or sending you roses, what other sorts of behavior is he displaying that might make you believe he’s into you? Any touching? A hand on your shoulder, arm, back, perhaps? (Appropriate of course, but maybe unnecessary.) Does he joke with you? Make fun of you in a flirty way? How does he actually feed the rumor? Does he tell other people how into you he is? (You know, like in high school.)

We can think of several reasons he might not be asking you out now that he’s single.

1. The two of you work together and he doesn’t want to muddy that water. (Possible)

2. He’s not sure if you still feel the same. (Not that possible. He’s pretty sure you’re into him.)

3. He’s not over his ex yet, or he’s still seeing her in some capacity. (Somewhat possible.)

4. Even though he acts like he wants more, he only sees you as a friend. (Possible)

5. A combination. (Very possible)

It would be nice if he initiated a conversation, but it feels like he’s not going to, otherwise he would have done it already. That leaves you with two choices. The first would be to keep hinting of your interest and then hope he’ll finally get the hint and take action. The second choice would be to tell him once again that you are still interested in exploring the relationship beyond the confines of the workplace and see what he says. He may or may not be receptive, but at least you’ll get some sort of definitive answer. (You have to decide if you’ll feel too embarrassed or uncomfortable if he just wants to be friends.)

Thoughts? Questions? If you’d like to continue this discussion, please do so by leaving us a comment, and/or follow-up question, in the comments’ section below. Due to all the SPAM we get, you must be Logged In to do so. (It’s easy)

All the best,


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