For Real Time Discussion join us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz
Some recent questions:
I dated this guy for about 5 months. We weren’t too serious, but we did see each other every day. We weren’t exclusive but we had been going to family events with one another and holiday things of the sort.
A couple weeks ago he started acting distant and I thought something was wrong. Well, he decided to end things, saying he just needed to figure himself out. No big deal. We were gonna stay friends, and I was gonna let him decide what he wanted to do.
Well after a couple days his ex contacts me saying she had been talking with him—not that it mattered since he and I weren’t exclusive. But then she says she is talking to an old friend of mine as well. They tell me all this drama and I ask my ex about it. He says it’s not true and we continue on like normal.
A couple days later my ex calls me and is LIVID. He tells me that this guy his ex has been talking to apparently fell off the face of the earth. His ex apparently thinks I have made this person up and have been leading her on and feeding her all this info blah blah blah. Now my ex is furious. He then says he wants nothing to do with the drama and cuts me and her off completely. Then I get a call a couple days later from saying I am not allowed to contact him, his family, or anyone else he knows AT ALL. He apparently thinks I am an insecure because he believed I did all this. Then he says he never cared.
None of what he accused me of was true. So I obviously blocked him from everything possible and never contacted him AGAIN. A week later he texts me asking if we can meet somewhere public to discuss this all. He then calls and says he just wants me to own up to all of it and he just wants to “help” me. What man does this? I thought if he actually believed all this he would be running for the hills thinking I was psychotic. Why would he call me AGAIN to just make me upset and angry to tell me I’m a liar AGAIN?
I don’t understand why he keeps contacting me. Why won’t he just leave it alone? Am I missing something? Can you help me understand what is going on here? Does he really believe I have done all this? And if he does, why keep contacting me, shouldn’t you run away from the psycho girl? Is this some sick and twisted way to get me back? If so it’s surely NOT working.
Just try and explain this to me, cause no one else can.
Angry and Confused
Dear Angry and Confused,
Thanks for your question. Honestly we’re a bit confused to actually what went down and with whom. And maybe the specifics don’t actually matter.
From what we can see the confusion began way before all of the “drama” started. The confusion actually began while the two of you were together, because a relationship that’s not exclusive is called dating. This sort of “open” relationship is ripe for all sorts of misunderstandings to happen. Why? Because the boundaries aren’t clear. What is okay and not okay is hazy? And even though both parties might say, “it’s all good,” when it comes down to it someone always gets hurt.
In your case, he got hurt. Because frankly your relationship doesn’t look a lot different now than it did when you were together. (How do you actually break up from a relationship that’s not exclusive? Does that mean, no physical contact anymore?) And if you think about it this way, you can see why he’s upset over your supposed actions. (We understand that you didn’t do what he thinks you did.) In his mind, someone close to him betrayed him. It has less to do with the fact that you dated, and more to do with your friendship. And once again, all of this stems from the lack of clarity with your relationship.
We think you should talk with him. It’s obvious to us that both of you still care about each other, at least to some degree, so why not have the conversation? See what he has to say. Yeah, it probably won’t be pleasant, but if you really want to find out what’s going on, why not get it from the original source, instead of asking everyone you know to enlighten you.
If you do have that conversation feel free to ask us a follow up question. Or just get us up to date. We’re interested to hear how this all turns out. (Leave comments in the comments section here on this post. We’ll do the same.)
Our advice moving forward: You might want to try and stay away from these types of non-exclusive relationships, including getting back together with this guy. (If things get resolved with your discussion.) There are reasons that exclusive, monogamous relationships work.
ps. Let your friends know about us. Thanks!