This guy at my school

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Hey Guys it’s Tatum,

(Note from THE GUYS. We left question as we got it. So we summed up the question below in bullet points.)

I asked you guys a question around December (which i don’t expect you to remember) about this guy at my high school who kept staring at me every time I would go to cheer practice. But i didn’t know his name or what grade he was in… but I knew he was older than a freshman. So I went and investigated, like you said, and I looked through my sister’as old yearbook from the year before. I looked at the freshman, and sophomore sections and I couldn’t find him! Then a few days later I was looking for this football player and I knew he was a sophomore last year, and his last name started with a Z, so I had to go to the last page of pictures… And then of course, there was my mystery boy who I was going crazy over to find. So then being a teenage girl hahaa i went on Facebook and looked him up. We had like alllll of the same friends and so I had to add him! Then once he had accepted me I was contemplating whether to message him, but I just didn’t know how to do it. But I grew some balls and messaged him saying “I know you have no clue who I am but I have a question… (:” and he messaged me back a few hours later and said “hello, aha whats your question.” and i just (being me) asked flat out, “Why do you always stare at me when I’m walking to the girls locker room after lunch?” And he was like “I stare at you?” And we went back and forth for awhile. Then I said I had to go because I had cheer practice. Then like an hour later I messaged him saying I was very sorry for being so blunt and if I came off as a total bitch I truly didn’t mean to. And he was like, “Oh its totally cool.” So that was on January 7th, and we just kept talking over Facebook about everything that went on in our heads. And he was so interesting to talk to and he said the same thing about me. And every single time he said he had to go, but he said he would message me in a lil’ bit and he always would keep that promise, and we would keep talking for hours on end. And he rarely said he had to go. It was always me who was ending the conversation.

We went on like that until the end of January. And then we just flat out stopped talking for no reason, because I knew this wasn’t going any where. But every time I would see him outside of Facebook I got so nervous and I just ignored him which I knew I shouldn’t have. I seem to always see him now, and he knows where I walk every day because he walks the same way. His friends obviously know about me because whenever they see me they almost snicker at me. I always hoped he would maybe come up to me at school and say hi, or do something but I think he was waiting for me to jump at it first.

Why wont he just come and talk to me? He obviously knows I am nice, since he told me I was chill and laid back over Facebook, and would always make these little winky faces. Oh and he is an Aquarius and im an Aries by the way. All of my junior friends who know him always say, “he is a total sweet heart,” “ooh randall is so nice and is always just the best.”  But i dont know what to do because he is a junior and I’m only a freshman. Is that weird? I just can’t picture dating someone my own age. And all of my older friends say the same thing: that they cant see me with a boy my age. They say I’m way to mature for boys like that.

I truly dont know what to do. I’m just so confused. Please just help me figure out what this means. What he is trying to tell  me?

Thanks guys,
Tatum (:

Dear Tatum,

Thanks for your question. That was pretty “ballsy” of you to confront him like that on Facebook. We wish more guys would have that kind of confidence. Although, maybe a slightly subtler approach might work better in the future.

And of course we remember you. Thanks for contacting us again. So let’s see if we can figure this out, and maybe sum up for our readers what’s going on.

1. He stares at you. (For quite a while)

2. You are now Facebook friends which you initiated. (But not necessarily real friends.)

3. You asked him bluntly why he stares at you. He denied it.

4. You now chat on Facebook a lot, but nothing beyond that….no face-to-face interactions.

5. You always end the conversations on Facebook.

6. He still stares at you—at least you think so—and his friends snicker about the situation.

7. You don’t know what to do.

In our humble opinion we think you now need to wait until he makes a move. You’ve pretty much handed him the keys to the kingdom, and if he doesn’t take them he’s either not interested, too shy, or possibly dating someone else. The fact that you’re two years younger shouldn’t matter to him. Lots of guys date girls a few years younger in high school. We don’t necessarily recommend this for the young ladies, because two years is a big difference when you’re 15 and 17—not so much when you’re a bit older. And guys typically are on the prowl for one thing, and that puts pressure on girls to do things they might not be comfortable with. We certainly wouldn’t want our sisters and daughters being pressured to engage in activities that they weren’t ready for.

But you say you’re mature for your age so it could work for you. And yes, girls tend to mature more quickly than guys do anyway, so on an emotional level you’re probably a good match, and possibly you’re more mature than him at this point. But either way you’re still going to have to wait for him to make a move. If you are really set on being with this guy, keep doing what you’re doing. Keep the lines of communication open with him, but let him start initiating as much as you can. This might frustrate you a bit, but letting him take the reigns will give you a better indication of what his intentions are; and if he’s really into you.

Hang in there. And please leave us a follow up comment.


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6 Comments on This guy at my school

  1. Well obviously he hasn’t even tried to talk to me at school yet and we get out of school on the 16th next week, so i don’t think i can do anything else for this little situation i’m in. Unless HE tries to talk to me, but what i just don’t get is that he walks past where i hang out at lunch almost every day with his friends, when they hang out on like the other side of the school, and its weird because it seems like me and him always catch each others eyes and it can be kind of awkward, because we both know we saw one another and neither of us waved or did anything? I think this is just a lost cause.
    Thank you for all of your help though…

  2. @Tatum……we’re sorry this isn’t going the way you hoped. Keep your head up. You never know. And enjoy the summer.

  3. Dear guys,

    There’s this guy at the scouts’ team who seems to be interested in me, but I’m not sure whether he is or not, because he could be just playing.

    He usually gives me high fives, scares me in a playful way, and yesterday he even hugged me. I haven’t noticed if he stares at me yet, because I try not to stare at him, it’s so hard I just adore him.

    Note that we are both teenagers, he’s 14 and I’m 15… So the whole love thing might sound a little stupid for our age.

    So, that’s all. Thank you in advance!

  4. @Nasia……Thanks for your question. It doesn’t sound stupid at all. It sounds like a lot of fun. Good for you. Yes, we agree with you. This sounds like a guy who is interested in you. The behavior you describe seems like pretty typical behavior for a 15 year-old boy, who’s not quite sure where he stands with a girl, and also not sure how to proceed forward. Keep us posted. And feel free to ask a follow up question anytime. Good luck!

  5. Thank you so much for your previous answer.
    Alright, so things are a little strange right now. He keeps on doing all this stuff like scaring me, hitting me on my back or pulling my hair a little, but he also did similar stuff with two other girls. I noticed that he did that in front of me most of the time, I guess.
    So what’s up with him?

  6. @Nasia…..This is typical behavior for a young guy. (As long as it’s just “play scary” not “real scary.”) He’s trying to get your attention and instead of talking with you intelligently he’s doing his antics to try to get you to notice him. Hopefully this behavior won’t last and he’ll calm down a bit once he actually gets your attention! Could the two of you do something together sometime? Maybe ice cream or something mellow during the day? So you can get to know each other a little. It’s hard when all these other people are around. He probably feels like he needs to put on an act while he’s around other people.

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