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This guy at work: What is he thinking? Does he still like me?

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Guys,

I was seeing this guy I work with for a year and a half. We were just talking, but nothing serious. At the time, he was going through a divorce, and he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He wrote me everyday and was so nice to me. He told me from the begining that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but we still talked. No sex, just kissing. He told me that he wished he would have met me at another time in his life, because he could totally see himself with someone like me. He also said that he liked me a lot, but he just wasn’t ready to give me a relationship like I wanted.

Then he broke off all communication with me because I got mad at him for talking—albeit friendly—to my friend at a bar, and totally ignoring me. He and I didn’t talk at all and he even told me to erase his number from my phone. I was completely hurt, as I went from talking to him everyday, to nothing at all.There was so much tension and hate whenever we saw each other. He now has a girlfriend and I must say that I still like him a lot. I still get butterflies when I see him at work. Recently he has been very nice to me, and has even started conversations with me. I catch him staring at me a lot, and has even asked to help me with some boxes I was carrying in. He has also waited for me and holds the door for me. When it was his birthday, I wished him happy bday, and he responded very well. Jokingly he said that he was trailing closely behind me in age. He’s also been very attentive as to when I get to work and asks me about my schedule. He jokingly tells me I’m late when I do get to work a bit late. He sometimes distances himself from me, but sometimes is very friendly. Other things that he has said before we stopped talking: “I want to give you my full attention, but right now that won’t happen.” or “Trust me, I do like you a lot, I’m just not ready for a relationship now.” I wan’t to know if it’s possible that he would come back to me when he is “ready.” He knows I want something serious. And if he didn’t want a relationship, why is he with this girl?

Why is he being so nice and friendly like when I first met him? Why does he stare at me with longing eyes? Please help! I really like him 🙁

Brenda

Dear Brenda,

Thanks for your question.

This guy seems pretty honest and in touch with himself. He just got divorced, and is probably still reeling from the uncoupling. Getting into a serious relationship is probably the last thing on his mind. And it’s likely this isn’t going to change for some time. So you’re going to have to be very patient with him, with no guarantee that it will ever work out the way you’d like.

So what about this other girl you ask? We don’t think he’s serious about her. She is someone for him to hang out with and have sex. Remember, if he was faithful to his wife—which we hope he was—he hasn’t had sex with another woman for a long time. So we can tell you that having sex again is foremost on his mind, and with as many women as he can get into bed.

The good news is he respects you enough, and likes you enough, not to drag you into the fray. The bad news is, he is likely going to enjoy “the fray” for a long time.

So yes, we do think he likes you, but as soon as you start pressuring him to be serious, or start getting clingy or jealous like you did in the bar, he’s going to push you away.

Our advice: Enjoy his company as a friend, but put yourself back out on the market, and try to be open to other guys. If at some point down the road he seems more open to a serious relationship, believe us, you will be the first one he contacts. Guys don’t keep a little black book—well some do— but most keep a mental list of all the women they would pursue if they ever were to be single again.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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14 Comments on This guy at work: What is he thinking? Does he still like me?

  1. Okay so I like a guy from work and there’s three things that are confusing me to **** basicially.

    1) age difference, he told our mates that in a game of bang and date, he wouldn’t to me because of our age differences. He’s 24 I’m 17, legal age is 16. He once asked me when I was 18, and has made it clear he only dates 18+?

    2)The stuff that makes me think he likes me, he’s said my lipstick looks nice, even though I’ve worn it for a month, that my hair looks nice. Talks about me to our friends. Does loads of stuff for me like waking up early to go to a meeting with me, winks at me, sings my name, even said if I need it he will lend me money. A lot of physical contact, hugs, brushing off arms, touching my hands, getting me to feel his face, asking me if his eyes were beautiful? He doesn’t know I like him & I don’t know if he can tell that I like him

    3) He sometimes makes the joke about me being his little sister, ouch I know! But if he said he wouldn’t date or bang me because of my age surely he must not feel for this saying? His joke was like ‘ill tell our mum!’

    Please help me understand him! Apart of me thinks he’s putting this pretence on till I’m 18, as he’s embarrassed about our ages? I know we’re both at different parts of life, but we both want the same thing, to go travelling, going out clubbing, just hanging about he once told me I was mature for my age and act like a 23 year old?

  2. @Annalise…..So what’s your question exactly? Does he like you? It sure sounds like it. We agree with your assessment. He’s being coy and flirty with you now since you’re only 17, but he’s trying his best to act appropriately since you’re too young for him. We applaud him for his discretion and reserve. We think it’s safe to say he’ll be making the moves on you when you turn 18. One note: A seven year age difference isn’t that big of a deal in your 30s but it can be at your age since he’s already out in the working world and you’re still in high school, or the UK equivalent of that. Just make sure he doesn’t try and hold you back from exploring and growing on your own. These are important years for development. Your thoughts? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Spread the word on Facebook and Twitter. @TGPBuzz. Please take a moment to help a fellow reader. VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks

  3. Hi so I have a question and I need a guy perspective on the whole situation. I have known this guy from my work for over a year and we have always been friendly; going out for friday night drinks, chatting etc. I started having feeling for him a couple months ago and would love to move things to a different level but I am just not sure he sees me as anything other than a friend. We email constantly at work and he texts me on the weekends, but while we are actually at work there is very little talking face to face with me, but he is always having a chat with his other work friends.
    we also still go out for friday night drinks and have been the only two left after a while, but he has never made a move. Normally I would add this all up for him just being friendly, but he also bought me an Xmas present (and didn’t buy one for anyone else) and ends his texts with “x” so unless i am reading those wrong, he is the king of mixed messages! I should also mention that there is a 10 year age gap between us (im in my 20s, hes in his 30s) so is he a mate or wanting something more? Thanks

  4. @Anne…….It’s hard to say. It sounds like he’s interested. Do you think the work situation is holding him back? He could be thinking: “If I ask this woman out and she says no it will be totally embarrassing?” Or he might be thinking: “If something goes wrong I’ll be in deep doo-doo.” If you don’t think this is the reason, maybe drop some more hints. That you’re bored on the weekend. Or if he says he likes to do something, mention that you like to do the same thing. After that, there’s not much more we can say. He’s got to take the initiative here. Do you think it’s an age situation? It is possible he could think you’re too young, but that’s unlikely.

  5. Thanks for your help, you can kinda understand why I am a little confused by this guy? I have a feeling it might be the work thing as I don’t really think age would really be a problem. Although I can’t really quit my job to test the theory 🙂
    I will keep dropping hints and hopefully he gets it eventually. Thanks again!

  6. HI guys

    So I’ve read most of your advice. I like it, I’d appreciate some of my own.

    So there’s a guy that I see all the time at work. He’s around my age – mid 20s, guys guy, very friendly, not shy, peoples person, and seems to be single… *seems*. This has been going on for a while, but it’s escalated in the last couple of months.

    He’s well liked by the other staff and he’s definitely a regular even from before I started working there. But whenever I talk to him it feels like everything stops and it can get really awkward. Sometimes it feels like he’s stalling and trying to prolong our conversations as long as possible but he doesn’t know quite how. I’m a quiet person so I don’t help. He initiates most conversations and they revolve around my work and how it’s going. I think I have given him some indicators of interest – nerves mostly, being a clumsy.

    Additionally, whenever I talk to him his face always seems to light up (I’m a student/cashier/server). What gets me however, is what he does outside of work. I have to walk past the place of his employment. It has many windows and I’m certain that he’d have a clear view of me walking. Recently I’ve noticed that if the doors are open and I’m guessing he has the opportunity he’ll peak out, and watch me walk by or he’ll find an excuse to come outside. By the way it is the middle of winter. He’s also done other things leading me to believe he wanted to get my attention- opening doors, racing, being obnoxious. Outside of work I’ve ignored him thus far, but I’m starting to develop feelings for him. Oh and he’s never mentioned any of these antics while talking to me.

    Half the time I’m expecting him to ask me out, but he hasn’t, so I am reconsidering whether this has only been wishful thinking. I don’t know him, but he makes me so nervous. If he was really interested wouldn’t he have done something by now? Could the fact that I work at a place he regularly frequents have a role? I don’t understand how someone so outgoing and who goes to the lengths he does to get my attention not even ask for an email or number. I’ve been this close from questioning him but now im doubting that anything happened at all.

    Thanks in advice!

  7. @Anonymous……Thanks for your donation. We do appreciate it. Quick Question: So where does he work? How often does he come in? Have you talked to him outside of work? Fill us in and we’ll get back to you.

  8. NP! I think as a mechanic. As far as I know everyday or every other day he’ll come in. Sometimes its more than once. Judging by his attire its during a break. I’ves never talked to him outside of work though.

  9. @Kat….Just because he hasn’t asked you out doesn’t mean he’s not interested. It could mean that but it’s probably something else. Here are some possibilities. 1. You work there. It’s hard to ask out someone at their workplace. What happens if you said no? He probably wouldn’t feel comfortable coming back. Or he’d be embarrassed every time he came back. He also doesn’t want you to think he’s harassing you. 2. He has a girlfriend. 3. He thinks you might not like a guy like him since he’s a mechanic and you’re in school, etc. 4. He’s not as confident as he projects. …..So Kat, the first order of business is to find out if he’s single or not. If he is then is it possible to visit him at his work place? Maybe your car needs fixing, or make up some excuse like a friend’s car or something. Or is there a way to bump into him when you walk by? And if you want to get really bold you could go in and hand him your number. Of course we’d prefer he took the initiative with a little prompting from you. What we’re saying is that you might need to give him some more hints that you’d be open to his advances, because clearly he’s not picking up on what you’re doing currently.

  10. Judging by the amount of hours he works, and the fact that he worked and came in the store for valentines I doubt he has a girlfriend. But I know it is totally possible, but frankly it wouldn’t matter. I just think he seems like a fun guy and there’s something about him that I’m attracted too. I’d be more than happy just being friends with him. That’s my preferred route anyway and I think that’s the mentality I need to use when I deal with him to fight off the nerves. I’m really grateful for the “guy perspective” though btw. And if I want anything to come out of this I agree that I need to step up the game. My problem is though I can’t find the opportunity to approach him bc the side walk isn’t within “bumping” distance of the garage. I just don’t get it. I guess every guy is different. I’ve had a few guys ask me out while at work but he seems different. I don’t understand why he goes out of his way to grab my attention, but then when he’s face to face with me – nothing. He’s only making it more awkward for himself. Is that a guy thing? I mean one of these days I feel like I’m just going to start interrogating him because I get so frustrated.

  11. @Kat….Every guy is different. Keep us posted on your plan. If we think of something we’ll let you know.

  12. hi guys, me again. I thought I would give you an update with the situation with the older guy at my work. Unfortunately still nothing has come about and I think I am now just over the whole “does he?, doesn’t he?” so I am just going to chalk the whole thing up to a missed opportunity and move on. If he really didn’t get the hints I dropped then he is pretty clueless so i’m guessing he doesn’t return my feelings and is just a nice guy who goes out of his way to be friendly (although I have to say the 10+ emails everyday and the texts out of the blue are confusing).
    Thanks for your advice though!

  13. @Anne….Thanks for letting us know. At least you have some clarity on the situation. Sort of. Time to move on. Take care and keep in touch.

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