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Some recent questions:
I was seeing this guy I work with for a year and a half. We were just talking, but nothing serious. At the time, he was going through a divorce, and he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He wrote me everyday and was so nice to me. He told me from the begining that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but we still talked. No sex, just kissing. He told me that he wished he would have met me at another time in his life, because he could totally see himself with someone like me. He also said that he liked me a lot, but he just wasn’t ready to give me a relationship like I wanted.
Then he broke off all communication with me because I got mad at him for talking—albeit friendly—to my friend at a bar, and totally ignoring me. He and I didn’t talk at all and he even told me to erase his number from my phone. I was completely hurt, as I went from talking to him everyday, to nothing at all.There was so much tension and hate whenever we saw each other. He now has a girlfriend and I must say that I still like him a lot. I still get butterflies when I see him at work. Recently he has been very nice to me, and has even started conversations with me. I catch him staring at me a lot, and has even asked to help me with some boxes I was carrying in. He has also waited for me and holds the door for me. When it was his birthday, I wished him happy bday, and he responded very well. Jokingly he said that he was trailing closely behind me in age. He’s also been very attentive as to when I get to work and asks me about my schedule. He jokingly tells me I’m late when I do get to work a bit late. He sometimes distances himself from me, but sometimes is very friendly. Other things that he has said before we stopped talking: “I want to give you my full attention, but right now that won’t happen.” or “Trust me, I do like you a lot, I’m just not ready for a relationship now.” I wan’t to know if it’s possible that he would come back to me when he is “ready.” He knows I want something serious. And if he didn’t want a relationship, why is he with this girl?
Why is he being so nice and friendly like when I first met him? Why does he stare at me with longing eyes? Please help! I really like him 🙁
Thanks for your question.
This guy seems pretty honest and in touch with himself. He just got divorced, and is probably still reeling from the uncoupling. Getting into a serious relationship is probably the last thing on his mind. And it’s likely this isn’t going to change for some time. So you’re going to have to be very patient with him, with no guarantee that it will ever work out the way you’d like.
So what about this other girl you ask? We don’t think he’s serious about her. She is someone for him to hang out with and have sex. Remember, if he was faithful to his wife—which we hope he was—he hasn’t had sex with another woman for a long time. So we can tell you that having sex again is foremost on his mind, and with as many women as he can get into bed.
The good news is he respects you enough, and likes you enough, not to drag you into the fray. The bad news is, he is likely going to enjoy “the fray” for a long time.
So yes, we do think he likes you, but as soon as you start pressuring him to be serious, or start getting clingy or jealous like you did in the bar, he’s going to push you away.
Our advice: Enjoy his company as a friend, but put yourself back out on the market, and try to be open to other guys. If at some point down the road he seems more open to a serious relationship, believe us, you will be the first one he contacts. Guys don’t keep a little black book—well some do— but most keep a mental list of all the women they would pursue if they ever were to be single again.
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