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We met and then I left the country

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Hi Guys,

I was working in India. A month before I left my job to head back to NY, I met a guy who was joining the company I was working for. I thought this could be a fun last hurrah.  We ended up spending most of the month together – we talked about our families and our lives and realized we had a lot in common with regard to education, and even music. We did discuss how it had been more than just physical but that I was leaving the country for good, and he said he hadn’t been looking for a relationship. We kept in touch on chat and it’s been about 6 weeks now and the chat is initiated by both of us.  But, he hasn’t asked to talk to me on the phone or skype and I feel weird about being the one to initiate that. Days that we don’t chat or he doesn’t initiate chats, I am really sad. I feel strongly about the connection we have. I know we both felt it, but I am scared because I wonder what the point is if we are in separate countries with neither of us having a plan to move. I am quite miserable. Please tell me what you think I should do.

Thanks,

Melissa

Dear Melissa,

Thanks for your question.

It seems a strong connection was made between the two of you, beyond just a month long fling. And we feel these types of connections aren’t always easy to come by. So it’s our opinion that you need to “fight” for it. Meaning, you should do anything in your power to see how this plays out.

We have no idea what might actually happen between the two of you. It is possible that he views the situation much differently than you do. But you can’t worry about that. You have to go for what you want, and if it works out, great, and if not, no regrets.

What’s the worst that can happen if you initiate more contact with him via phone or skype? If he reminds you that he wasn’t looking for a relationship in the first place then you’ll know where you stand with him. But as it is now, you’re left wondering. And remember, millions of people say they aren’t looking for a relationship when they actually find the person of their dreams. So don’t let that deter you. Life isn’t this perfect little package with a neat and clean timeline. It’s messy, and things constantly happen out of sequence.

However, keep your eye on the real goal: to have a relationship with him where you’re actually in the same country, or even better, the same town. The phone is a great first step, but hopefully it will help the two of you figure out whether or not you want to take the relationship to the next level.

Long distance relationships require tons and tons of communication, but they can work if both people are committed. Good luck. We hope it works out for you. Please keep us posted. And leave us a follow up comment. And feel free to ask another question anytime. Or a follow up question.

THE GUYS

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