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Why does he have a second Facebook page? What is this guy’s MO?

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Hey Guys,

I’ve started randomly talking to this guy that I met on the net. The contact began back in 2009. He found my profile on MySpace. He enjoyed reading the blogs that I had written about my traveling experiences and decided to send me messages. We had had some distant back and forth messaging. He was pretty persistent (on a friendly note), but nothing more came out of it. One, I was kind of passive and wasn’t really interested, and two, since the development of Facebook I was hardly logged into MySpace. So the communication died off.

Fastforward to 2010….I get a random e-mail notification from MySpace that he had sent me an email. He was basically just checking in to see how I was doing, and if I was interested in talking with him sometime. Out of curiosity, I had added him onto Facebook, but again, I was still giving him the cold shoulder. He would drop me a note here and there….but nothing really came out of it.

Now, onward to about two weeks ago. He sent me a random IM one day asking how I was doing. From there I stopped being a Little Miss-Priss and started chatting with him. And thank goodness I did. He and I have been talking non-stop since then…every single evening until the wee hours of the morning. From everything to our interests, daily lives…experiences…etc. So far we have a lot of common interests and he has a great personality. I guess we’ve developed a really easy connection. He sends me text messages every now and then asking about my day and the like. And we’ve also talked on the phone and via cam. Now it is apparent that we find each other both physically and emotionally attractive. But here’s my problem.

I have been in a downhill live-in relationship for the last couple of years and am in the processes of splitting up. My new “friend” is aware—I told him that I was in a relationship when we had begun chatting—of this and has not made any advances towards me in a romantic sort of way. Everything has been pretty innocent—minus some flirting here and there—but we have both been truthful about our situations and what it is that we want. Right now we are just equally keen on getting to know each other.

At first, there were some talks about meeting each other, perhaps in his city or mine. (We live about 4-5 hours away from each other.) And I really wanted to meet him. At first, I was stuck—and still am—in a predicament where I was worried about the current status of my relationship and how I would be able to get away to see my new “friend.” I didn’t want to cause myself any drama or complications with my boyfriend, but it seems as though with my recent actions I did.

I wound up lying to my boyfriend to see this guy for a 3-day weekend. Everything went great. We connected and everything.  But I wound up being intimate with him. I came back home and am in the process of finalizing my current relationship. I feel awful about the situation, with me needing to lie to my ex about the whole situation.

But now I’m starting to look at this new guy suspiciously since I’m unsure of what his intentions are. He has been overseas for work these last couple of weeks and will be returning next week. He has been contacting me via Facebook/chat and has stated that he wants to meet again. When I asked him point blank about what was going on between us, and if it is purely physical, he stated that he is attracted to me both physically/intellectually and wants to know me better.

I don’t know what’s going on. If he wants just a sexual relationship why doesn’t he come out and say it?

More information:

I also found out that he has another Facebook page in relation to the one that I’m connected to. This new page seems to actually be his personal one. (He has is friends, his family–perhaps, and even his co-workers on it.) However, the one that I am connected to is pretty restrictive. I am unable to see his friends’ list. Yet the comments left on the page are made by a lot of African/African-American women. I happen to be an AF woman which raises a couple of red flags for me. I’m not even sure that I’m on the right grounds to even confront him about it. We’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, not committed/exclusive. (We’ve haven’t even gotten that far.) And I guess that he’s free to do/date whomever he wants. But at the same time, I can’t help but think that I just may be another AF-woman on his page to “chat” with and occasionally meet up with.
Should I confront him about the page? Would I have the right to do it? If so, how would I go about doing it without seeming like a stalker? If I shouldn’t confront him about it when would be the most appropriate time? WTF should I do? Should I pursue this or should I just see it as a fling and move on?

Anna

Dear Anna,

Thanks for your question.

This second Facebook page makes us feel a bit uneasy. It sounds like you feel the same way.

Since you’ve already gotten together with this guy we see no reason why you can’t speak to him directly about your feelings and concerns. There are no rules here. The appropriate time is now. In fact we encourage you to do it sooner rather than later. You’ll get a lot of information based on his reaction to your question. We expect he’ll try to smooth talk you through it, and spin the same line about wanting to get you know better. He seems too smart to get defensive about it. Either way, please trust your gut. (Check out our video on this topic. On video page.) In general this feels a lot like the headline: “Guy meets great woman online but continues to troll dating sites for new talent.”

If he’s doing what we think he’s doing—hitting on as many people as he can—this doesn’t seem like a safe situation, physically and emotionally. You should definitely speak to him directly about how you’re feeling. However, in this situation, actions will speak louder than words. If he tells you he sees potential for a relationship with you, but then continues his whole Facebook charade, then you need to assess what’s the truth and what isn’t.

In general, tread carefully here. He may seem like a great guy—and it’s possible he is—but keep in mind that anyone can be wonderful from a distance. And anyone can be on their best behavior for three days. When hormones are raging, guys can be quite charming.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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5 Comments on Why does he have a second Facebook page? What is this guy’s MO?

  1. I met my current boyfriend online after getting out of a 23 year marriage to an alocoholic. Being 44, the online thing was a little odd to me but I figured, hey, why not try it. Well that was almost five years ago and we are living together but…. There have been many issues that started giving me lots of second thoughts. He seems to be addicted to porn and ogles other women in public. Not the casual, respectful glance mind you… He almost runs into things checking these women out… While I am with him. The porn thing? Im no prude….I didn’t have a problem with us both watching it until he started to prefer porn and masturbation leaving me sexually frustrated. My point? Be very careful who you decide to meet. He seemed normal and its only now, after getting attached, that I see him for the narcissist that he is

  2. I need sum help. My bf and me bein dating. 11 months Saturday will be 12. Monday he sad we would heng out Tuesday and Tuesday came around he gous baby its beter if we heng out tommorow az in today and whein I askt him last night y can’t we heng tonight and tommorow he gouz cuz. I ask him if he loves me. He duzent respond. Whein I tell him u know u my. World he gous ya boo copel of days he sad he miss. Me and. I love. U and awrytime. I. Ask him if he loves me. He says I’m annoying. Help Plizz. I cry awrynight thinking he haz Simone. On the side. Help

  3. @Marina…….Have you asked him that question? Has he been unfaithful in the past?

  4. Belladonna78 // May 14, 2013 at 1:04 pm //

    My fiance( we’ve been together 3 years & raise our children together) enjoys looking at porn sites and tumblr- basically all the sites that have pictures of ” real” woman and their feet. I have no qualms with porn..my father always told me.men will be men& they’re going to look as long as its there.. its the fact he continues to create fake emails to send pictures to or creating Facebook accounts and messengers, etc to see more pictures or who will send him pictures. He says he has a sicknesses and I’m trying to bear with him until he can afford”help” but in the meantime I don’t trust a things he does or says and it’s giving me a serious complex and insecurity issues. Should I continue my relationship with this man or give up..is.it really a sickness or is that a bulls$*it excuse to keep being a douche?

  5. @Belladonna78…..We don’t know the guy, but if it is a sickness, we know a lot of sick men out there. If you know what we’re sayin! What’s your gut tell you? We think you already know what you need to do. Remember, this has as much to do with you as it does with him. Meaning, even if he does have a sickness, do you really want to deal with it? That’s the real question to ask yourself. Good luck and keep us posted.

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