Will he break up with her for me?

Dear Guys,

There is this guy who I was in love when I was 16. (I´m 23 now). I went to live abroad for a year when I was 17, we talked a lot and we were sure we were getting serious as soon as I came back. The thing is I met someone else and by the time I came back I was no longer interested in him, so I kind of left him hanging. From that time I’ve always felt he’s had feelings for me. His friends would tell me that he did.

About a month ago we met again, and now that I’m single I kind of jumped on him. I developed feelings for him in a short period of time. He still behaves lovingly towards me and with our “history” well, I just kind of fell right into it. I went to bed… next thing I know, he’s asking me if I knew he had a girlfriend. They’ve been together for four years and I had no clue. It hurt bad. I told him that it hurt me and he said he was glad, because it meant that I had feelings for him. He says he loves me, misses me, thinks of me…

He has openly let me know that he cheats on his girlfriend quite often. That they give each other a lot of “space.” A friend told me once they fought and didn’t talk for two weeks. He has no commitment towards her. I want out but he keeps looking for me and I just won’t say no. I need to know from a guy’s perspective what do you think I can expect from him.I feel like he doesn’t trust me, and I can see why. We tried dating twice and both times I was just not on the same page as he was and bailed out. Maybe he thinks I would do it again. He even told me once I was too indesicive. Should I risk it? I know he has strong feelings for me. A lot of time has gone by and I believe I’ve learned and changed enough to be sure I do want to be with him. I already told him I’m not gonna be his mistress. But if he were to be with me would I be the cheated on girl?.. Still I can’t turn my back and I consider myself sensible enough to be able to get out of bad situations.

I feel like an awful person asking this but do you think he would leave her for me? Even with this trust issue? What can I do to get him to trust me? I’m also very firm in my position about cheating. I’ve never cheated on anyone and I’m completely against it. Will he be the same way with me?

Today he waited nearby my house like half an hour cause he was around, called me four times but I was asleep. Next thing he tells me is “please don’t return the call and don’t answer this message”… I just don’t get him

Thank you for your time

P

Dear P,

He probably doesn’t trust you. Can you blame him? You did leave him hanging when you first met, and we’re sure the residue of that slight is coloring his behavior now. He was hurt before and he doesn’t want to get hurt again.

That said, you do realize he’s cheating on his girlfriend. Which means, yes, if you were his girlfriend he’d be cheating on you too. And since you have such a strong position on cheating, you might want to think this through before you move forward. We don’t think he’s going to change. It wouldn’t surprise us if he dumped his girlfriend to be with you, but that doesn’t mean he’d all of a sudden become a new man. If you really think his girlfriend is okay with him having sex with other women, then we’re not sure what to tell you. She’s definitely not.

Right now, he has the upper hand and he knows it. He’s enjoying that power, and using it to do whatever he wants. Right now, both you and his girlfriend are getting played. She probably has no idea you’re in the picture. And he’s selling you a line about his “open” relationship and you’re kind of buying it. We get it. You have strong feelings for him, and believe that if he were with you things would be different. All women think that. That they’ll be the woman who will change him. But, people don’t change that easily. And that quickly. Change begins with a commitment to change, and we don’t believe he’s anywhere near that point.

The two of you have  a lot of history. A lot of it isn’t great. Unfortunately, it’s hard to start fresh, once the damage is done. In order for this relationship to work, the two of you would need to sort through and process all of it, and we just don’t see that happening.

Our advice: Cut your losses. Move on. He’s not the guy you thought he was. A relationship with him, isn’t going to end well.

We’re sorry. We wish we could be more positive.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

Read More Relationship Advice and Dating Advice about break ups and getting back together: 

Breaking up

What do I do now? How can I leave my relationship?

Getting back together: Is it possible?

Was breaking up with him the right thing to do? 

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