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Bob the Vegan: Are those leather shoes?

Dan is in the kitchen with a ton of shoe boxes sitting on the table. Bob walks in.

Bob: What's with all the shoes?

Dan: They're for my girlfriend.

Bob: Wow Dan. Six pair of shoes!? You must really be into this mystery girl.

Dan: I am. She's unbelievable!

George Walks In.

George: What's with all the shoes?

Bob: They're for Dan's girlfriend. (Turns to Dan) Don't you think it's time you finally told us about this mystery girl.

Dan looks at Bob, then George.

Dan: Fine, but you promise to not say anything? Or make fun of me?

George: Fine

Bob: Promise.

Dan:(Looks at George) Well, after we got kicked out of the Fetishist Anonymous meeting I was very upset. I really liked it and felt I could relate to everyone there. So I went back and begged the facilitator for another chance. She felt sorry for me, so she let me back in and I've been going since. I feel so alive and so empowered. The people there are so strange, that they make me feel normal somehow. And it's working. I haven't even looked at porn since I started going.

George: Or maybe you haven't looked at porn since you started dating this mystery girl.

Bob: Well that's great Dan. I'm happy for you. So who is this girl?!

Dan: Well she goes to the meetings too. George, you remember Victoria? The one with the foot fetish?

George: You mean the petite, dark haired girl that was telling her story when we got the boot. No pun intended.

Dan: That's the one. I talked to her after one of the meetings and we hit it off. She's so interesting. And she loves my feet!

Bob: Wow, a foot fetishist. And aren't you sweet. You bought her a bunch of new shoes…. She must have big feet.

Dan: Like I said, they're for her……indirectly……..she likes ME to dress up in women's shoes.

Bob: Wait….they're for you?!!!

George:(With a mean tone) Nice Dan. You went from being a porn addict to dressing up as woman!

Dan: Oh shut up George! You're such an ass! No wonder your wife kicked you out.

George: Oh, screw you!

Bob: Enough guys. Stop arguing!!

Everyone's quiet for a bit.

Bob: George, speaking of Amy. I ran into her last week.

George: What? And you didn't tell me til now??!! What the hell?

Bob: Well, I wasn't sure what I was going to say to you.

George: What do you mean? What did she say?

Bob: Well, I don't know how to say it really, so I'll just say it. She's thinking of leaving you.

George: What!?……..what did she say?

Bob: She said, the Chicken Porn incident wasn't the first one. There was this Facebook incident and so on, and so forth. Is that all true?

George: Yes, it's true.

Bob: But you always told me to be honest. You said, honesty is the best policy. Nice, coming from a total liar.

George:(Starts to tear up) I'm sorry Bob. It's not like that really. Amy's so amazing. Honestly, she's too good for me and she makes me feel so insecure. So instead of talking about it with her, I tried to make myself feel better by talking and flirting with other women.

Bob: Well you realize that's done the opposite of what you really wanted.

George: I guess in some ways, I felt Amy would always leave me, so I figured I would make it easier for her. Or maybe I would just leave her before she could leave me. What a mess!

Dan: I'm sorry George.

Bob: Wow George, I didn't realize you felt like this. You always seem so confident.

George: It's all an act. I never feel good enough for anyone. Even you guys. I'm worried that you won't like me unless I'm cool or say cool things. Or talk tough or whatever.

Bob: No one cares if you're cool or tough. I mean please. Dan's got six boxes of women's shoes sitting on the table. We're pretty accepting around here.

Dan: Yeah, George we don't care. We like you , so no worries about that. What are you going to do?

George: I have no idea. I think I already knew it was too late for me and Amy, I just never admitted it until now. (Tears are streaming down his face)

Bob: George, well you're our buddy no matter what. 

Dan: Yeah, that's right George. You're our bud. Buds stick together.

Bob: I have an idea. At least for right now. Let's get drunk and have a fashion show? I want to see Dan in those shoes.

George: Sounds like just what I need. A good laugh.

Bob: Will you model for us Dan?

Dan: I'd love to.

The three of them start to drink shots of whiskey. Dan is modeling shoes and they're hooting and hollering. The music is blaring. Now all three of them are trying on the shoes and parading around the house in just their underwear and shoes. They don't hear Torrie walk in.

Dan: Wow, this is so much fun!

George: I haven't felt this free in a long time. It's so liberating.

Bob: Hey guys, don't I look so sexy??

Torrie:(yells) Bob, what are you doing!?

They all freeze.

George: (Mutters to himself)Party's over…..Shit……

Torrie: Hey Mr. Vegan, are those leather shoes?

Next week: To be continued…..

13 Comments on Bob the Vegan: Are those leather shoes?

  1. HA….OMG…this one is amazing. The shoe fetish and them watching him model them…LOL.
    It always amazes me how far a guy will go to please his female target…what puzzles me though…is why they stop once they actually hit the bulls-eye?
    I am getting addicted to this soap-opera you have going on here and I have never been into any type of sops in my life.
    I hope you are satisfied …you have managed to corrupt the uncorruptable 🙂

  2. Hi, I’d just like to thank you (very much) for your visit to my writings at Thoughts, for your comments at BlogCatalog, and for your comments on my writings, as well, I appreciate it much. 🙂

  3. Hahahah this is so cool! Hmm I wonder what will happen next time…

  4. Hahaha…Well, my fiance can rest assured that I will never make him model women’s shoes! I don’t think women’s shoes come in a men’s size 15 anyway…

  5. Uh oh! I can’t wait to see how Torrie responds!!

  6. Priceless! Wow and see I only thought women did stupid stuff to to cheer up their friends….. Great post! Love your blog 🙂

  7. Men are weird.

  8. Bwahahaha!!!! Hilarious! LOVED IT!!!

  9. Sounds kinky…men in shoes! lol
    Wait a minute….you’ve just given me an idea…
    😛

  10. Very funny. I have to admit I don’t understand men wearing women’s shoes. If my guy buys 6 pairs of women’s shoes they’d better be for me.

  11. I really loved it too haha so funny!
    vee

  12. LOL!!!! I would LOVE to see 3 men strutting in heels!!!

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