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"Bob The Vegan" crosses paths with "Dan, Dan the Porn Man"

Last week: Torrie catches Bob cheating on her. (With his diet, not another woman)  She's not amused. She breaks up with him.

To get caught up on the entire story, go to Categories  and click on: Relationship Humor: Bob the Vegan

(To the right on this page)


Chapter 4: The Video

A Week Later:  George
Calls  Bob.

George: Bob, how did things go with Torrie?

Bob: I’m not talking to you.

George: What happened?

Bob: Torrie broke up with me. And she won’t even talk to me. It’s all your
fault!

George: My fault? How?

Bob: You and that, “It wasn’t me” crap!

George: Now hold on. I told you to be honest first. Didn’t
I?

Bob: Well…..yeah…

George: But you said you couldn’t do that. You said she'd break up with you if you were honest.

Bob: So?

George: And then you begged me for some help. What did I say?  I said, “Women always find out.” Didn’t I?

Bob: Yeah

George: And now this. (Pause) So what actually happened?

Bob: Remember we were talking on the phone and then Torrie came to the door… I quickly rinsed my mouth,  got some gum,
but forgot to check my clothes. I had a big BBQ stain right on the front of my
shirt. Torrie of course saw it and it just went downhill from there. She basically said she didn't trust me anymore and then left.

George: Yeah, that doesn't sound good. I guess this should just tell you to be honest from now on.

Bob: I usually am. I'm not sure what I was thinking. Damn…. I'm such an idiot….Am I the only one this happens to?….What about you?  Have you ever been caught doing something stupid like that?

George: Me?! (laughs) Of course not! I'm always on top of my security. 

Bob: But you just said……

George: I know, but I'm one of the few GUYS who's always one step ahead.

Bob: Well I only wish. I'm more like ten steps behind.

George: Well, I have something that will
cheer you up.

Bob: What?

George: Are you online?

Bob: No.

George: Well Dan just sent me a new video. It's crazy!

Bob: Wait a second, is this Dan, Dan the porn man??

George: Is that what you call him? I guess you could say he partakes a little.

Bob: A little!!!??? Oh please. He watches 24/7! He’s always
sending me a link to this site or that site. The guy needs to come up for air and get a life. AND move out of his parent's house.

George: C’mon Bob, you’ve gotta check this out. I've never seen anything like it. A guy, a girl and a chicken.

Bob: A chicken!! NO…..are you nuts?!

George: You're missing out.

Bob: Anyway, I told you. I’m a full-fledged Vegan
now. We don't use any animal products, which includes watching Chicken Porn.

George: Are you sure?

Bob: Yes, I'm sure! I need to stay focused. I'm trying to win Torrie back by showing her I can really do this.

George: Bob….. committing to a Vegan lifestyle is not going to prove anything to her. She won’t
even talk to you at this point.

Bob: I don’t care. I’m going to show her that I’ll do
anything to win her back.

George: OK, Bob. Suit yourself. …Like I said, you're missing out.

Bob: Whatever…

The next day George shows up at Bob’s house. Bob answers
the door.

Bob: George what are you doing here?

George: Can I stay at your house for a while?

Bob: What do you mean?

George: I got kicked out.

Bob: What? …What happened?

George: Well, Dan and I were emailing last night about that Chicken Video and I forgot to
log out. When Amy came down this morning, she read the entire correspondence.

Bob: Wait! You….you got busted?!! This is good. I thought you said you were always one step ahead?

George: Oh shut up Bob! Don't even start.

Bob: Well, I guess there's a first for everything… So what did she say?

George: She said she could barely even look at me. She said I was sick and needed to get help.

Bob: Wow, that's harsh.

George: I told her it was just a little harmless porn.

Bob: I bet that went over well.

George: It probably would have been fine. Amy's very open minded about that stuff. BUT….then she watched the video…….Not Good.

Bob: What the hell was on that video?!

George: I’m too embarrassed to say. Let's just say, it doesn't work out that well for the chicken. 

Bob: Dude, you are sick.

George: I was just curious, that's all. I couldn't help but watch it.

Bob: I don't know George, I'm having second thoughts about letting you stay here.

George: Don't even go there Bob. I'm not in the mood. (pause) Maybe I should become a Vegan too?

Bob: It might be a good start.

George: That would prove to Amy that I could change.

Bob: That might work.

George: We could start a Vegan Group.

Bob: Well…. that actually could be nice. Making the commitment might be easier with someone else doing it with me.

George: Great! So I'm in. To the Brotherhood of the Vegans!!!

Bob: To the brotherhood!

George: So where's my room?


Next Week:

Chapter 5: Enter "Dan, Dan the Porn Man."

 

15 Comments on "Bob The Vegan" crosses paths with "Dan, Dan the Porn Man"

  1. I was anxiously waiting for this week’s post…….. now it is George who gets caught…

  2. And the plot thickens next week with Dan getting in on the action.
    THE GUYS

  3. Just thinking of chicken porn turns my stomach. Very funny though. You have a great imagination 😉

  4. Very enjoyable!
    I’m hooked on this series!!!
    Keep ’em coming!

  5. Thanks for your comment Gogo. We seem to be getting lots of “good girls” with bad attitudes today. Is that you too?
    THE GUYS

  6. “George: Me?! (laughs) Of course not! I’m always on top of my security.”
    Oh boy…that line is going to be big trouble for a few guys…
    So cute!
    P.S
    I noticed that Cher Asherlock (good friend) has posted your question about boyfriends. Small world even for bloggers 🙂
    Have a good day ~D~

  7. Dorothy,
    It is a small world isn’t it!
    Thanks for your comment.
    Yes, George seems to be getting us all in trouble today. 🙂
    THE GUYS

  8. I’d leave a guy for smoking, not eating BBQ! Funny woman.
    Guy-girl-chick(en).Nice. Just so you know, there is a man-mantaray one out there. Don’t judge me.

  9. Depending on my day sometimes I’d just leave a guy and wouldn’t need a reason.
    Dorothy from grammology
    grammology.com

  10. Funny, funny post. Thank you for your kind words about my little blog. Keeps me thinking. Don’t post my fiction though incase i try to publish.
    I like your sense of humor. Laughed out loud at “I told you. I’m a full-fledged Vegan now. We don’t use any animal products, which includes watching Chicken Porn.”
    and also
    “Bob: Wait! You….you got busted?!! This is good. I thought you said you were always one step ahead?
    George: Oh shut up Bob! Don’t even start.”
    Great work, keep it coming,
    AB

  11. Leaving someone for their poor taste in porn is just wrong. I think George is better off without her!

  12. Re chicken shacked, seems kinder to have sex with them rather than eat the suckers just a thought (lube mandatory on this one) ps tell them you love them first pps well pretend then pppps i thought that’s where the name chicks came from ? from stugod

  13. whahaha how cool is this!

  14. Chicken porn? That’s a new one!! Can’t wait to read the next installment!

  15. OMG! This is getting funnier with each entry. So glad I don’t have to wait to read the next chapter. Off I go…

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