Boyfriends following other women on Instagram and Facebook

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Dear Guys,

Why does my man follow all these half naked females on Facebook and Instagram? Every time it bugs me when he uses the phrase, “I’m a guy.” It sounds like an excuse but he doesn’t mean anything by it because he speaks the truth when he says they are just for looking at. It just make me feel bad about myself. Maybe I have poor self image but I want a guys perspective please.:)

Maranda

Hey Guys,

So my boyfriend started following a girl who looks really slutty on instagram. I know she lives near him as I saw he started following her a few months back on Facebook. She states shes single on there. I confronted him and he said he didn’t know her instagram page was slutty, he just added her as it was a suggestion by instagram. He said she’s hideous and has no interest in her. And that I clearly don’t trust him (there’s a background of trust issues with him). When I spoke more in depth he said he knew her years ago and she is a mega slut. But that he quite liked her. I just still don’t get why he would conect on there. He said it’s just what people do. It just still doesn’t sit well with me. Am I paranoid?

Erin

 

Dear Maranda and Erin,

Since your questions were somewhat similar we decided to answer them both in one post. We apologize for the generality of our response, but we think you both bring up a topic that’s becoming more and more concerning for the young woman out in the dating scene.

It’s true that guys are visual creatures. And we dare say, more visual creatures than women. No matter where we are, we’re looking, at least to some degree. For example: We’re in line at the coffee shop and we’re sneaking a glance at the pretty barista. We’re at work, trying not to stare at our co-worker’s legs. We’re even at our child’s doctor’s appointment and enjoying the pretty internist who is examining him.

This habit is only amplified in the privacy of our home. The online world provides almost any degree of visual stimulation a guy could ask for. However, most of that is fantasy. What you’re both asking falls very much in the real world. “Friending” or “Following” on social media has a different feeling to it, at least that’s what the “Younger Guys” here at The Guy’s Perspective explained.

Following someone on Instagram, in and of itself, doesn’t necessarily mean anything. People follow people they know. So if your guys kind of know these women, it seems that this is something guys do. However, this statement was qualified. “It’s all about the guy’s intentions. And that’s the difficult part to assess. And whether or not the following/friending slides into DM (Direct Messaging), which would not be a good thing.” The point is, following someone on social media would not be a reason to NOT trust your man, unless of course you already don’t trust him, then it might.

Note: They did mention that Snapchat in particular is slightly more one one one and more personal. (Just so you can have that information.)

Our Take On Your Situation? Sounds like there are trust issue in your relationships. So we’d suggest you keep your eyes open. What you’re describing seems to go beyond the statement, “We’re just being guys.”

THE GUYS

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