Ask us questions we have no good answer to.
-Do I look fat in these jeans? (The truth: yes)
-How does my hair look? (The Truth: A birds nest on uppers)
But to answer truthfully, is the equivalent of a capital offense! So we answer NO, like a good supportive partner does. And we get this response.
"Great, I can't even count on you to be honest with me!"
Ask us to clean up after ourselves, but then don't give us time to do it.
OK, so we move a little more slowly than you'd like. That's fair. But that doesn't mean we don't intend to do it. Give us time. It's one of the few things we need to build momentum for.
Leave out important information.
While growing up our mothers would yell at us to put the toilet seat up. Obviously this was for a good reason. Little boys have notoriously bad aim. (Except when throwing snow balls. But we digress!) So we tried as hard as little boys can try.
Years later, our girlfriends told us to put the seat down!! Then we were totally confused. Should we believe our mothers or our girlfriends?? It wasn't until years later that we figured it out.
The toilet seat goes up. We pee. Toilet seat goes down.
Yes, we're dense. Please say exactly what you mean and you'll be happier with us.
Tell us we can call and then don't answer. Ever!
We know we can be pests. But we're literal beings. If you tell us we can call then you're telling us you'll answer….and that we have a chance.
We realize this is an easy way to blow us off, but a good old fashioned, "NO" is preferable. Our fragile egos are like the Planaria heads we used to cut off in science class. Somehow they keep growing back!
Want their own space, but get upset if we go out with our buddies.
We know you want to be independent. You want ladies night out, to hang with your friends, see a chick flick and talk relationships. But if we use that same night to go out with our buddies, somehow that never seems to sit right with you. Often we're doing exactly what you're doing. And god forbid we go out on a night you're home alone. We hear, "Do you like hanging out with your friends more than me?"
(Married Women Who Want to Be Home with The Kids) Wish we made more money, but get annoyed that we're never home.
The two are usually mutually exclusive. To have more money, means we're home less. It means we have to take a job that requires travel. Or requires us to leave at 6am and get home at 8pm, tired and grumpy. Otherwise, we're around more and have more time to spend with the family. What should we do? Please advise.
Like cats so much.
Especially because your cats don't like us. And sometimes you choose your cats over us? Why?? We can be trained to go potty in a box too!
Want us to be nice, but not really.
All we ever hear from our single girlfriends is, "We just want to meet a nice guy." Then when they meet a nice guy, they say he's too nice. What's the deal?
Want us to help, but then get upset when we offer.
Here's the conversation we have with you:
You, "Boy what a pain this is. I can't stand painting."
Us, "Do you want us to help?"
You, "What, do you think I'm not capable of painting?!"
Us, "But you just said……forget it."
(We're counting on our female readers to enlighten our male readers.
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This post was inspired by a friend: www.alittlegirltalk.com who posted the Top Ten rules for GUYS. Check it out.