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Am I being used? (Sex Advice)

Dear Guys,

So I’ve been seeing this guy for the past two months after we met online. We have a TON in common and even though he has his flaws, they are all things I would be willing to compromise/work on if we were to become exclusive.

From the very first time we met we hit it off and I had believed that we were getting closer and closer to actually becoming exclusive but he keeps pulling away and lately he’s been acting like a complete ass! He has been busy because of his job and I straight up told him I missed him and didn’t feel like I was a priority for him anymore and his response was to emphasize the fact that we are NOT boyfriend/girlfriend so I should stop making him feel bad.

Yet he keeps sending mixed messages, like when we’re alone together we’ll be listening to music and he’ll pull me towards him to dance in his living room, or we’ll be snuggling and he’ll do the whole pull me closer and inhale your scent thing.

In past experiences this has meant that a guy really likes me. Am I just getting used?
What’s going on in his head!?

Thanks!

Seriously Confused

Dear Seriously Confused,

Thanks for your question. And we can understand your confusion.

To us, being used implies some sort of deceit. If he was leading you on, and talking about the future, and giving you the impression that the two of you were a committed couple, then yes, we would say he’s using you. But he’s clearly stated that you are not boyfriend/girlfriend.

The issue arises when there are mixed-signals, or perceived mixed-signals. To us, he’s being straightforward and telling you how he feels. To you—and to many women—his actions are saying something else entirely. But an important distinction needs to be made. His actions are based on his interest in a good time, which includes sex. His words are based on his interest in an actual relationship. (You need to listen to his words.)

So the questions really are: What does he really want? Why is he acting like he’s totally into me, but then says we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend?

Basically, he’s not looking for what you’re looking for. He’s looking for a good time and for sex. There’s a disconnect going on, and so we can totally understand why you feel you’re being used. We strongly suggest the two of you sit down and have a chat about the “relationship.” And we recommend you don’t do this while you’re hanging out in your apartment. (Away from any thoughts of sex.) Do this over coffee, lunch, or possibly dinner. Or maybe while you’re out for a walk.

It’s possible he just needs more time, but it’s likely he already knows how serious he wants to be. Hopefully, he’ll come around. Feel free to ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. And definitely keep us posted. (Use comments below.)

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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35 Comments on Am I being used? (Sex Advice)

  1. Lost On What He's Thinkink // December 17, 2012 at 7:43 pm //

    I may have this situation figured out really. But I could use an unobjective guy’s perspective.
    I recently started sleeping occassionally with a guy I was in love with. Really I still am but I understand where he is at and I’m not looking to push him in any direction. Really, I’m at a place where I also am ready to be single for awhile.

    He says we are not right for each other. And we didn’t have much interaction for months, except for him offereing sex to me. I was angry at first, but then I slept with someone else and it just made me realize I wanted to have sex with someone I at least knew I could trust.

    My ex asked me and I was honest about the fling I had. He go upset. Which he said he knew wasn’t fair and I said no it wasn’ because I didn’t belong to him. He saiditi makes him feel sick. But why? He ended it. He doesn’t want anything but sex from me. I’m okay with just having sex. I just don’t ge his reaction.

    anyway, I appreciate your time 🙂

  2. @Lost on what he’s thinking…….Yes, confusing. Guys are territorial. It doesn’t matter that he ended your official relationship. He still doesn’t want you having sex with anyone else, especially if the two of you are still having sex occasionally. It’s just how guys are. But it doesn’t mean he wants to get back together; he just doesn’t want you moving on. (At least until he does) Does this make sense? Any more questions? Ask away. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter; @TGPBuzz. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  3. Lost On What He Is Thinking // December 17, 2012 at 9:53 pm //

    It just seems like a real jerk thing to do. I’ve rejected him repeatedly over the last 5 months. And he just kept bothering me. After he pushed me away. I ask him why and he says it’s because he still thinks of me. And he didn’t want a fling for me. He wanted me to find a good guy because I deserve only good. He knew how upset this whole situation made me and he just kept on. Always fishing to see if I’ve “replaced” him. Excuse me but what kind of a man does that? You want something for me but you don’t?

  4. @Lost on What he’s thinking……He may not even being trying to manipulate you. He may not even realize he’s keeping you from moving on. You need to be very clear with him, and tell him exactly what you want or don’t want from him. Our suggestion: Move on. Be open to new possibilities.

  5. Ok so this probably is just gonna come down to personal decisions I need to make but I’ve been trying to figure it out for weeks and am going in circles so here goes…

    Basically, I’m good friends with this guy whose in one of my clubs and we hang out fairly often and a couple of months ago around mid october, we were hanging out one night and ended up sleeping together. This has happened a few nights since then too, but it’s always the same pattern: we’re hanging out as friends, we have a little too much to drink, we have sex and then he stays the night and is really cuddly and adorable the next day.

    The issue came when around the start of december he started to just toy with me and semi blow me off. For instance, one night he texted me at 8 asking to hang out, I responded saying sure, then he responded at 10 saying we should still hang out in like half an hour, then at 11:30 he called to say he’d be at my place soon and at 1, when he still wasn’t there, I texted him saying I was just gonna go to bed. Then a week later, he texted me asking to hang out with him and a few of our other friends. Then when I said I was on my way over, he said the other friends had just left so it would just be us two but I should still come over, and when I finally got there, he didn’t answer the door or respond to my calls or texts. I figured he’d just fallen asleep or something (which was still a little weird because he had texted me 15 minutes before I showed up) but then he didn’t even apologize the next day, which made me feel completely stupid for wanting to hang out, when he obviously didn’t care and I felt like he thought I was just his puppet.

    Then we both went home for break and I had time to think about it. Basically I’m stuck because I started to develop fairly strong feelings for him but I don’t even think I want to date him or if he would be interested in dating me. Reasons I would want to date him (and think he might be interested in me too) mainly revolve around him being really sweet and thoughtful the majority of the time. Also, whenever I have to work at an event, he consistently comes and sees me during my shifts and helps me with the event even though it’s not his job to help. None of my other friends do this and I really like him making the effort to turn up to my stuff. Also, he gets really weird when I bring up other guys or flirt with other guys, which makes me think he doesn’t want me seeing other guys, but that’s probably just him being possessive because he definitely sees other girls.

    Reasons against dating him include the situations outlined earlier and also I probably wouldn’t trust him because he had a girlfriend last semester but he was still feeling me up at a party so I can’t expect him to actually be committed to just me if we ever did reach that point.

    I really enjoyed the friends with benefits thing we had going on until he started blowing me off so then I decided over winter break that I wasn’t going to do the benefits stuff anymore and we’d just be friends. Then last night, we were hanging out and he started trying to kiss me and I said I didn’t think it was a good idea and then literally within 1 minute of me saying nothing was going to happen, he had left (to his credit, he tried to be subtle and nice about leaving; he failed miserably at it, but he tried).

    Now, I’m not sure if I made the right decision because I really miss him and I really wanted to kiss him but I’m worried if we start up with the benefits again, I’m going to get too attached because last semester I found myself getting concerned that I was too boring for him because he’s a lot more experienced than I am, but it’s stupid to be concerned because it was completely casual. Also, (especially because last night literally all he wanted was sex) I’m worried it’ll just get back to him blowing me off and then I’ll feel like he’s just playing with me and literally doesn’t care about my feelings at all.

    I guess after all of that, my question is do you think he’s just using me and I should just cut it off or is it ok to keep doing what we were doing because I’m ok with the casual sex part, my main concern is the complete flip flop in his behavior from sweet and considerate one day to douchebag the next day? Thanks!

  6. @Hannah…..You’re right, this is a personal decision. But we don’t see this going anywhere. He’s nice to you and sweet to you because he wants sex. And when he’s nice to you afterwards it’s because he just got sex and wants it again in the future. He’s not interested in a relationship the way you are, and sleeping with him more isn’t going to get you to that place. Sorry. But that’s how we see this. Good luck.

  7. Hey guys,

    My situation is probably a typical simple one but I’m still very confused.

    I met a guy a few weeks ago when I was out for my friends birthday. We were at a bar and he came up to me because he recognized me because we went to hs together. He then bought me a drink and danced with me then we exchanged numbers.

    That was a few weeks ago and since then he’s texted me almost every day. We both initiate conversations and we talk about anything and everything. However, he talks about himself quite a bit and only will occasionally ask me questions. He isn’t too flirty, only sometimes, yet he still replies. He sends good night texts quite a bit and tells me that he’ll text me tomorrow or tells me to text him when I get a chance.

    He recently got out of a long relationship (2 months ago) and is still pretty upset but he said he’s better every day. Once we talked about his past relationship and he told me he’s still upset a little but getting better and he wont shut out people that aren’t worth meeting. I then told him he never knows who he’ll meet and that there are good people out there too. he then replied saying he realized that on saturday night (the night we met)and has no doubt about it. But then he recently went to a family event and he invited a girl, and on the picture on fb it says they’re friends but idk, I don’t want to bother if he’s interested in her and I’m just a friend to him.

    I really would like to see him and hang out with him, he seems very sweet and is really funny and someone I would like to get to know. He sometimes would say he couldn’t wait to show me around his town and would tell me we would do things in the future. He doesn’t initiate hanging out but said we will go skiing when I asked if he would want to. He also works a lot (40 hours) and goes to school so he is really busy (We do live an hour away and go to different schools).

    So he only flirts sometimes, doesn’t really initiate hanging out, but still texts me everyday and talks about everything, I don’t get it. I’m not sure if he’s still extremely upset and confused about his ex girlfriend either (they dated a year and a half and she broke it off because they “weren’t working”. I want to support him but I don’t want to be used only for that, if that makes sense.

    Im willing to be patient, I guess I just don’t know where I stand. There are so many mixed signals! Am I just an emotional support system to him or just a friend or could he possibly be interested in dating me? Thank you! 🙂

  8. @Marie….He doesn’t sound ready for any sort of relationship, at least not the kind you’d be interested in. We can’t say what’s up with this other girl, but most guys—most people—coming out of a serious relationship are looking for fun while they heal. He’s got some healing to do. What you don’t want to do is start initiating and asking him out. You’ll get no answers that way. The only way you’ll know if he’s interested is if he starts asking you out, and then, makes some moves on you. Although, we also suggest staying away from any sort of FWB situation. Be patient, but don’t be too available emotionally for this guy unless he starts to show interest in you besides his daily texts.

  9. But will he eventually get bored of only texting me? I guess I’m worried he’ll stop talking to me because we never actually see each other in person unless one of us plans it because we go to different schools and have different schedules. Do guys get bored of texting fast? I don’t think I’d ever go for a fwb relationship (very inexperienced with just about everything) but I want to wait patiently for him, but how long do guys need to heal? And will he stop talking to me once he’s healed?

  10. @Marie…..How old did you say you were? And him?

  11. We both are almost 22

  12. @Marie…Thanks for filling us in. We were just trying to figure out how inexperienced you might be. Well, we stand by our initial advice. He’s got to make the first move beyond this texting. And we have no idea if/when he’ll get bored of the texting. Probably not, but that’s not really your concern. Do you really want him to text you forever but not ask you out? We doubt it. Be patient and keep us posted.

  13. This guy and I have been very close for four years and I have always liked him. I am not quite sure what his feelings are for me. The past year we have been talking about hooking up but every time we were together nothing would happen. He is the one who always comes to me asking to hook up. I was about ready to give up. About three weeks ago something finally happened. He then went around telling all his friends we had sex which we did not. We have plans to have sex but it has not happened yet. We are both virgins. But yesterday he was with friends and got drunk. He only made out with a girl but it’s killing me. We aren’t dating or talking but it’s really making me sad. I don’t know if I should tell him I like him. And if he still plans on having sex with me I feel like he could have some feeling there for me but he hooks up with random girls. WHAT DO I DOOOO!

  14. @Avery……You’re not going to like what we have to say. But we think you should move on and forget this guy. Having sex with him is very different that having a relationship with him. What’s going to happen, is he’s going to have sex with you and then not talk to you. That is, until he wants sex again. Then he’ll act all lovey dovey and it the pattern will start again. And then you’re going to feel frustrated, confused, used, resentful, angry and hurt. Trust us, we’ve seen it happen over and over. Sex is not what brings people together. It’s a way to express genuine caring and love with someone you’re already in a relationship with. We’re not being old-fashioned. We know that people have one night stands all of the time, and people do the Friends with Benefits thing, or Booty Calls or all that stuff. But we also know that most people wish they had a real relationship instead of just a sexual one.

  15. lanna cast // April 29, 2013 at 5:48 pm //

    My best friend was messing around with this kid. He always is trying to get me to get with one of his friends so the 4 of us can hang. The first guy he tried getting me with which is his best friend i met a few times, i was very attracted to him. I would hit him up on late night tips on weekends and he would BS or not respond. My friend would meet up with her boy and ask him why the kid bullshitting and he would just act stupid. Soon we lost all contact after he started sounding short over texts i didn’t wanna seem annoying. Soon enough the kid tried getting me with another one of his friends who i found hideous, i only commuicated with him so my friend could see the boy still. Soon enough, one day me and my friend walked into the pizza shop that all the friends work at. AWKWARD. the kid that was short over text and always bs didn’t say a word to me, i greeted the friend i was then texting. Later that night the “short responder” texted me paragraphs on how i looked good, ect ect. we ended up meeting up that night. He could not get erected! he blamed it on aderall but the friend my bestfriends messing with said were crazy if we believe that!!!!!!!!! what is the reason for this ???????? also after this he never texted me ever again or responded i then found out he was on and off with a GF so what was his point of that when he couldnt even get hard!!?~feeling hopeless

  16. christina danse // April 29, 2013 at 6:00 pm //

    last Mdw a creeper on FB was hitting me up. My friend suggested I continue to answer for the fact he has awesome party’s. We ended up going to one of them, I got alcohol poisoning, too drunk. Ended up having sex with the brother of the owner of the house who was 25. His friends soon all found out and would bust my chops about it. All his friends are 20-29. I’m 17. A friend of mine, her brother so happens to me in this “crew” of guys. I started seeing him out a bit, he would bring up that night but i would get really mad and he would stop and i would talk about how much i disliked the kid i had sex with. Anyway, so this kid would be up my butt messaging, imeing me, texting me 24/7 which sounded strange to me because he established we “know the deal” with each other. never really too sure what the deal was besides he said i was cute and he liked my personality. he would say “your my girll, we friends and all” i just left it at that. i’m not the type to ask questions i feel annoying. Anywho, evreyday he would or evrey other day he would text or i.m me for about a year something would always come up why we couldnt chill. durring our constant talking his friends would hit me up alot, we also agreed no matter what no talking to each others friends he got LIVID whenever he found out they were hitting me up. Finally we hung out i wouldn’t do anything besides kiss him we got into an argument about how i’m not some sleazy slut and that night i had sex with his friend was a drunk mistake. he went on for a good hour on how he respects me, understood and said hes not like that, or like any of his friends lecturing going on and on. he begged for a 5 minute kiss. after that he replied i told you i’m not like them. followed with a text that night, and continuous conversation still after this night. hung out again, still no sex. and continuous texts after the hangout. finally we have sex, he hits me up the next day normal talk..not as normal as usual kind of distant now. we have sex a couple other times. the last time we had sex a bunch of our friends were all hanging at a friends. he texted me the next day but something about me being on BC. the last text he sent me was yeah your right our friends are really immature next time we chill yes it will be alone. i found out that night he said to my bestfriend “wanna know a good idea, if you get me to make out with _____” WHICH IS MY BESTFRIEND!!!!!! after all the times me and him talked about this?! i just dont understand. and why waste your time gassing me up for half a year-year if you just wanted to have sex once then start acting like a douche!!! this has been a week since i talked to him. he snap chats me often this is an “picture app” i haven’t answered. WHAT DO I DO? why did he pull this shit when he knew he could of been straight up? i’m the kind of girl for having sex without attachment which i guess “the deal” was, but why talk to me everyday then not talk to me? so confused!!! please help

  17. @Lana…….We’re not sure what you’re exactly asking. Are you worried that he wasn’t attracted to you enough and that’s the reason he couldn’t get an erection? It’s possible, but more likely something else. It happens. If a guy is nervous, or stressed, or drunk, or on drugs, that can certainly happen. But honestly this whole situation you’ve described sounds like total drama, and a lot of work for little gain.

  18. @Christina….He wanted sex from you and wasn’t sure if he wanted something more as well. But once he had sex with you he decided that that was all he wanted. And then he felt guilty and uncomfortable, and so now he’s acting how he’s acting. Move on. This is going to just frustrate you more and more.

  19. I need some HELP!!!I feel so used… I’m devastated… I was really stupid… I have this guy friend he is quiet flirtatious with young girls but he wasn’t eally like that with me. he is 10 years older than me and we’ve known each other for 3 years, we became really good friends but then in the past 6 months he got really flirtatious with me but in a different way than with other girls, he was kinda sweet but he got sexual with me, he wouldnt try to kiss me, he would try something else… it happened a couple of times and i’d always stop him and he would always pretend that nothing happened afterwards and I’d play it cool but it started to confuse me. a few weeks ago it went too far away and we did kiss this time but i freaked out when I realized that I feel something else for him and if we had sex it was gonna be for worse… so I left and when i got home he sent me a text saying he was sorry and i told him that I cant do it and I was confused and I care about him and wanted the best for him and then he texted me, “i want the best for you too, FRIEND”… then as usual he would pretend that nothing happened but I had to talk about it this time… during our conversation he said that he never had intentions and doesnt have any intentions in pursuing a romantic relationship with me and that he always knew what he wanted and he just went for it… this devastated me, I guess even though i wasnt sure if he was right for me or sure about my feelings, i was expecting that he would be at least curious about me because there is friendship, it hurts knowing that he has never cared for me not romantically but as a person and friend… is this right? he doesnt care, right? am I being to harsh? now he wants everything to be like before but i’m having emotional breakdowns every time i see him, I just feel like he’s playing a game and i don’t play games… what should I do? i miss his friendship but at the same time i know he doesnt care… please help…

  20. Am confused right now I met a guy online ever since we met all do is have sex all the time we meet we don’t a lot then some day tells me that he has a child with someother girl when I tired to ask about it he did open up that much help

  21. @used…….What does your gut tell you? What do your friends say? It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of what he wants. Sex, and not much more. If you want some sort of serious relationship we doubt he’s the guy.

  22. Leftout and confused // June 3, 2013 at 4:27 pm //

    My question is similar to hers. My ex and I (2 yrs) have been broken up since Feb 2013, because of my insecurities and his anger. He lied to me and it messed up my entire trust in him. We tried to repair it but it was still an issue. So one day the shit hit the fan. He let me use his computer and his FB account was open. I didn’t snoop at all but I posted on his FB wall “Love this Girl” and three of our pictures. It was just suppose to be a sweet gesture. After that I ran to the bank really fast and he was cooking breakfast in the kitchen. He asked me why I would do something like that…I said I was just trying to be cute. He thought I was snooping! If I knew he would do that for me I would of never done it! Then I said in tears If you don’t love me or want me then just say it…say it and Ill leave right now and never come back. So out of anger he said it! Broke my heart into pieces. He asked me if wanted eggs still, I told him to F off and I that I would get breakfast somewhere else. He tried to apologize over and over again but it stuck in my head. Then from Feb to March I had no contact with him. Then after a month I show up at his Hard Rock cafe show to support his band in a contest (Hes in a rock band). After He tried to come say hi and I told him I was leaving…He really hurt me and I couldn’t even think about playing it cool at that point. He contacted me on Easter after seeing a car in my driveway. I had one of my guy friends over for company. He proceeded to say well I, glad your making memories with someone else now. Out of frustration I said well you weren’t here to have memories with plus its only a friend. He asked me on what I thought was a date a week later…We had a fabulous time! He told me I could pick wherever I wanted to go! I asked him what we were doing, he said I just wanted to share this with you…I don’t want to jump back in a relationship but I know that your the one I want to be with. He said he wants to get his life together. He started and is about to finish masonry school and he is starting to write more music. Since then we had another fall out because it is hard for me to hangout with him with no commitment and both of us to be madly in love as we are. We were holding hands, kissing, eventually had sex…which is always amazing btw. He invited me to his friends mansion party, he said he wanted to share it with me…when I got there he was hugging me super tight and wouldn’t let me go…He told me he missed me and loved me. I felt so close to him that day…Like I was the only one (although his eyes do wander from time to time) I get little texts from him all the time…”Have a great day”! Since then we have went out on little hangouts to the beach, bars and he came to my aerial silks show that I was in. We just went out for pizza yesterday. He paid, he won me a stuffed animal out of the machine and we went exploring though thrift stores as we usually do. He wanted me to try on clothes (usually he cant stand me looking though clothes)and bought me a dress. When we are together it’s amazing, until I try to ask him what we are doing hanging out so much together then he gets really frustrated. It is really hard to read him. I don’t want to stop seeing him because I think there is a possibly we will get together in the future but I don’t want to be lead on.
    What the Heck do I do!!!
    Should I trust him again? How do I know if he’s leading me on? Should I wait for him to come around?

  23. @Leftout and Confused…….Thank you for your donation. We do appreciate it! So how old are the two of you? We don’t think you said. Understand that the reason things are so great is because there’s no pressure now. You’re dating him. It’s casual. Fun. He’s probably horny all of the time, and that’s probably why he’s all over you. And probably why he’s behaving much better than he was. (When guys hormones are raging they tend to be more giving and forgiving. If that makes sense.) So the question we have is: Have things really changed between the two of you? He might be acting like he’s madly in love—paying for dinner, showing you affection, buying you things, getting jealous at the thought of other guys—but if he’s not trying to figure out a way to be with you in a committed relationship it’s all fun. He gets to be single AND he gets to have you. We’re not saying that this kind of thing never happens. It does. And sometimes couples need space to figure out what they really want. But you’re in no-man’s land right now. You’re together and you’re not together. It’s not the best place to be. And if he bristles every time you bring up the topic you gotta ask yourself what’s really going on for him. We don’t get the sense he’s leading you on, but he certainly has no idea what he wants. And who knows when he’ll figure it out. But the bottom line is that this is your call. There’s really no right answer. And there’s no guarantee that what action you take will lead to the result you want. (If you demand space until he figures things out it could go either way. If you keep dating him he could realize he loves you or he might realize he isn’t interested in anything more with you.) What do your friends say? Anything? Keep us posted. And good luck. Any more questions?

  24. What to do now // June 27, 2013 at 5:18 pm //

    Hi. I had sex with a guy that I like, and who I thought liked me. After we had sex, I bled quite a bit, which was not expected. He said it left him traumatized and he shivers every time he thinks about it. I checked with my doctor and was assured that everything was fine, and it could have happened because either of my period build up or friction trauma. Regardless, now he isn’t interested in sex and I feel traumatized by his reaction. Does this mean, he will never get over it? Is bleeding after sex has such an effect on men? How should I behave now – engage him, leave him alone and forget about sex with him. I feel demoralized and rejected, need some perspective. Please.

  25. @What do do now….The issue is not your bleeding. And we’re sorry that happened. (Yes it does happen.) The problem we have is his reaction. The bottom line: If he truly cared about you he would have been much more sensitive to your feelings. Instead it was all about him. Red-Flag!!! Move on and don’t even stress about this. He’s not the guy for you. And there are guys out there who will treat you much better. You deserve that. Take care. Hope this helped.

  26. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 1 and half years now. He was my ex boyfriends, friend and well things have been actually good so far except in my head I have insecurties about him pretending to like and care about me. Sometimes it affects our relationship with me starting fights and with him saying it won’t talk to for a few days afterwards. He says we are in a monogamus relationship and gets annoyed when I ask, but he was never clear from the start really, well to me. I know I have underlying issues myself but he has had an strict upbringing by his father and so is stoic towards me most of the time which he apologies for. I’m quite stoic myself he also is a hard worker and works a lot. We used to talk to eachother as he worked but he quit his job and keep contact has been hard because of the time zones and him doing little jobs here and there. He says he’s doing it for “us” well me really so I can live better he wants me to move and live with him. He’s casually mentioned me in his future and us have children. He jokingly said it, he’s also fallen out with his friend (my ex) because he kept stalking him to find out information about us two together. I really care about him just I he can be puzzling at times his behaviour. Oh, and oother guys have been flirting with me recently I mentioned this to the guy I’m with then he kept going on about his fitness routine and to tell them I’m taken, and another time he got angry about another guy saying he doesn’t earn much, but he actually earns a lot. Is it just a joke or does he really care about me?

  27. @Ash…….You either need to accept what he says to you as the truth—that the two of you are in a committed relationship—or you need to move on. We don’t know him, or you, but from what you say, these are your issues not his. We’re wondering: Are you interested in some of these other guys and is that why you’re questioning the relationship? It’s important to be honest with yourself.

  28. No. I’m not interested in other guys. I think it’s because he’s so reserved and stoic and that I’ve brought previous past experiences to this new relationship. Also, that he works a lot for me he says I’m supportive of that he even knows it. It’s just hard being that it’s long distance too.

  29. Hi,Guys

    I met a guy online. My initial intention going into this was with no expectations because I didn’t want to get hurt if things went bad. This man that I was dating, I told him that I didn’t have any expectations as far as dating, but if things go well, then it would be great, if not, I’m okay with the outcome. He asked me out on several dates (dinner & movies). No mixed signals. We became intimate, but he still kept the communication between us constant. What’s bothering me is that I feel he is using me for sex now, rather than taking me out on dates. The only times I see him is when have sex, nothing outside of that. I don’t believe he is ready to be in a relationship but I am. We are both in our mid 30’s. I was thinking about blocking him or ignoring his texts, so that he wouldn’t be able to communicate because I find that it is easier for me to forget/move on, but at the same time, I find it childish to block/ignore his communication. How do I tell him I don’t want this anymore without sounding crazy (in his mind)?

  30. @Lisa…….If you don’t want to date him you just tell him. What’s crazy about that? You’re looking for a relationship and he’s not, at least with you. So you say, “It seems like what we’re looking for out of a “relationship” is different. You seem like a great guy, but I’m looking for a relationship not a sex buddy.” And then see what he says. If he flips out or gets angry then move on. Sounds like you might be ready to do that anyway. Always best to be straightforward. People appreciate that.

  31. @ The Guys

    Thank you for your input. I haven’t had the chance to read your feedback until now, but I did text him this morning regarding my expectations. I text him “I enjoyed our time together, but I want more. My feelings are headed in a different direction. I am going to end these casual sex hookups.” As my gut instincts have been telling me all along (I was just a booty call), he replied that he understood and hope for the best. It sucks when I tried to play my cards right but still get played. Now I feel scare and reserve as far as dating. Thanks again!

  32. I’m so confused. I’ve been talking to this guy for 2mouths and at first things were great like we would go on dates and just chill at mine or his house and watch movies and have sex and all that stuff but he would always tell me he was sacred of hurting me. We were fine up until 2 weeks ago where he started to change like he would be nice one min and mean the next min and he started to push away saying we need to be just friends that’s it but he still aways wants to chill and if I don’t want to chill he gets all mad, he even gets mad when I bring up to him ppl are saying ur using me for ride and sex. He’ll get mad about every little thing like if plans change, or if I say something he does nit like. I know he has a bad past with his ex she really hurt him but I’m at a point I don’t know what to do I really like and care about him but I’m sacred of getting hurt he does not understand this like he’s not the onlyy one who had a bad past with thier ex.

    Confused .

  33. I’m so confused. I’ve been talking to this guy for 2mouths and at first things were great like we would go on dates and just chill at mine or his house and watch movies and have sex and all that stuff but he would always tell me he was sacred of hurting me. I di everything for him and he knows I do. I’m prob the only friend who band over backwards for him. We were fine up until 2 weeks ago where he started to change like he would be nice one min and mean the next min and he started to push away saying we need to be just friends that’s it but he still aways wants to chill and if I don’t want to chill he gets all mad, he even gets mad when I bring up to him ppl are saying ur using me for ride and sex. He’ll get mad about every little thing like if plans change, or if I say something he does nit like. I know he has a bad past with his ex she really hurt him but I’m at a point I don’t know what to do I really like and care about him but I’m sacred of getting hurt he does not understand this like he’s not the onlyy one who had a bad past with thier ex. What do I do? What does this mean? I’m tired of getting hurt

    Confused .

  34. I’m in need of advice. I’ve been in an intimate friendship with this guy for about 3 years or so now and things have been intimate between us all the time. A while ago I started confronting him about a relationship but he always overlooks it or changes the subject. Recently I always argue with him because I accuse him of just using me for sex. He always responds with I can’t blame him for not wanting a relationship, or we need to take things slow (bearing in mind the sex part is always there) but he does have strong feelings for me. Many many times I’ve tried to cut him off but he always seems to manipulate his way back into my knickers again, then the cycle starts again. For someone who says he has strong feelings for me, I’ve never met his family, the only time I’ve been to his house was when his mum went on holiday (& that was only to get intimate), and he’s always putting off a relationship. He believes that it doesn’t need a title to be official but I believe the total opposite as I do everything that’s required of the title anyway so where am I going wrong? Do I kick him to the curb one last & final time (if so, how? Without allowing him to manipulate me again), or what do I do? Help!!

  35. Hello, could I get the guys’ perspective here please? I hooked up with someone during my Eurotrip this summer. It was clearly a one-night-stand at first, but he kept starring deept into my eyes and telling me how much he liked me, that he wasn’t the boyfriend material but that I was the kind of girl he would settle for. We had amazing sex, cuddled for hours (which he admitted rarely doing) and I stayed one more night. When we parted ways at the train station, he said he hated goodbyes. We talked about him joining me in another town not too far for a bit, but he went on ignoring me. No calls, no texts, no messages. I sent him 3 messages during the following week, inviting him again to come and have a good time, no commitment mentioned. It was getting on my nerves because I needed to figure out sleeping arrangements before I got there. Also, I was very horny, which I mentioned in one message. You’d think it would peek his interest… Finally, I called and he said he was too busy working and wouldn’t be able to make it. Fine I said, but why not answer earlier. He went to write long “romantic” very selfcentered messages, explaining that I made him feel special and he would love the hell out of me if I was there, but since I wasn’t… BUT I really liked you, miss you, want you and I PROMISE I will surprise you one day. After what he went on ignoring m again… Why all these mixed messages? I didn’t ask anything of him, it was very casual on my part. Why all the romantic bullshit if he’s so afraid to get attached and get hurt that he won’t even say hi on facebook? And he was just being a jerk, why go through all that trouble? I wasn’t even in the country anymore when he made that promise. It’s not like he could have been expecting me to come running back into his bed… I’m so confused, please help.

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