Good sex vs. Bad sex vs. No sex (What guys want and don’t want) Sex Advice

Dear Readers,

We recently received a question from a young woman who was worried about whether or not she was good in bed. Her boyfriend had been giving her some mixed-signals, and since she was inexperienced, she wanted to know what constituted good sex and bad sex, and would a guy rather have bad sex than no sex.

Since this topic seems pertinent to many of our readers, we decided to lay it all out here.

Sex Education

If it’s a choice between no sex and bad sex, a guy will choose bad sex every time. But understand that what is “bad” to one person, may not be “bad” to another. But, for the sake of the question, we’d like to generalize.

Usually when a guy says the sex is bad it’s because of three things:

1. The woman doesn’t seem into it. She just lies there. (It makes the guy feel lame.)

2. The woman doesn’t orgasm. (It makes the guy feel lame.) Are you seeing a pattern here?

3. The woman isn’t willing to experiment. She likes her one or two positions and is unwilling to try a few new things. (It makes the guy feel lame. And in this case, turned-off as well.)

But those are general points. Here are the specifics of what guys want.

1. Guys want fellatio. Oral sex is a big deal for guys. (Yes, a double-standard, because some guys won’t perform cunnilingus. That’s their issue, not ours.)

2. Sex is an addiction in the sense that guys need to keep upping the ante to be turned on. (Well, sort of.) Guys are pretty happy with the standard practices, but after they’ve had sex with a woman for a while they want to start trying new things. A few things on this list might be: Sex toys, videotaping, bondage, costumes, anal, fetishes. (The list goes on.) This doesn’t mean that they will pressure their woman to do all of these things, this just means they’re thinking about them. And if a woman is open to them, all the better. Note: She doesn’t automatically get cast into the bad sex category if she doesn’t do these things; but she definitely falls into the good sex category if she does.

Another note: We are in no way encouraging  any of you to try something  you’re uncomfortable with. You should never feel pressured. 

3. The woman is enthusiastic. And she makes the guy feel like he’s the best they’ve ever had. (Even if that’s not the case.)

And finally—because this topic is pretty straightforward—if a guy thinks a woman is hot and sexy, it’s likely he’s going to think the sex is good unless proven otherwise.

Like we said, every guy’s tastes are slightly different, but it all comes down to how a guy feels about himself during sex. If a guy feels like he’s satisfying his woman, sometimes that’s all that he needs.


Any questions? Ask away.

We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter; @TGPBuzz. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on the Ask our Audience page. Thanks!


15 Comments on Good sex vs. Bad sex vs. No sex (What guys want and don’t want) Sex Advice

  1. Priscilla // December 3, 2012 at 1:14 pm //

    Hey guys, again 🙂

    what I’m trying to understand is how to get him to be wilder I guess. He wants to have showers with me and it drives me bonkers cause after we’re done we’ll go all night and morning and it’s really nice and passionate but he never screams, and he does the whole hold his mouth closed thing and I don’t get it. He gets off every time and the only thing he’ll say is my name or how tight I am and how or where else he wants to have sex with me, but he’s always discreet about it… I don’t get why

  2. @Priscilla……Clearly, he’s a bit reserved. And that could just be his personality. What’s he like with his clothes on? Do his actions in the bedroom kind of follow who he is when he’s out in the world? We’d guess, yes. Questions: What are you really asking? How can you get him to take control? Is that what it’s all about? You want him to lead? We were going to say that you need to take the lead. But if that’s what you want from him, it’s hard to say whether he’s up for the task. (No pun intended) How new is the relationship? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter; @TGPBuzz. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on the Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  3. Hi Guys! I’ve known this guy for a year and we’ve been getting closer…We had already shown signs of interest but I hada boyfriend. Now that I don’t, he invited me to sleep in his bed (we live in a university residence. This week I slept there almost everyday. Things get really exciting but then he just can’t go all the way. He puts the condom on and then nothing. It happened twice. He says it never happened and doesn’t know why. He explained me that he had sex with two types of woman, girlfriends and unknowns and I am in the middle. Maybe that’s because he doesn’t want to hurt me. He doesn’t kiss me much but gets turned on as soon as I touch him, but then nothing! Is it clear for the both that it is supposed to be a FWB but I am not getting much benefits (I did oral to him…)and I told him that already.
    Do you think I should try a different approach and try to kiss him and make out? He spend lots of time talking and watching movies, I sleep in his bed, he wants to shower with me and talks about hooking up in the next months. But he just can’t go all the way…

  4. @Mafalda…..Something’s up. Maybe he’s not telling you something? Three things come to mind: 1. He’s ejaculating during the day either via masturbation or with someone else and that’s why he can’t get it up. 2. He’s not that attracted to you. 3. Something else is going on with him physically. What do you think?

  5. Well, he told me that if he didn’t ejaculate for some days he would not resist me…
    I don’t think he’s doing it with someone else because all his free time is spent here either with me or alone in his room. I thought about your number two. But he says it has nothing to do with me…He says it is some psychological blocking (!). I asked him how he could sleep with me and touch me all night and he answered he doesn’t want to start something he can’t finish.
    He told me “You can wait for me to be ready or not and try to find someone else. In that case I’ll keep with my occasional sex”.
    So far I’m waiting, but I must confess it is torture!

  6. @Mafalda…..Hang in there and good luck. Keep us posted. Thanks for sharing our site.

  7. I’ve been dating this guy for four months. We are in an exclusive relationship (he intiated that). We didn’t have sex until a few weeks into the relationship at my request. He is a single dad with three kids (he has full custody). I’m 34 and he is 38. The sex isnt that great. Sometimes it feels rushed and not intimate. There is little to no foreplay. We have only had two actual sleepovers because the kids are with him all the time, but have sex on average 1-2 times a week (there was a two week period with no sex and he hardly noticed – he thought it was just a week, but his kids and I were sick for part of this two week period). I would like more sex. He teases me that I’m younger and he cant keep up. Sometimes he says he is too tired for sex (is this possible for guys?). Also, he hadnt been in a relationship for a couple of years before meeting me, but he dated casually. Before that he had two previous failed relationships (one with his ex-wife who cheated on him and another with a woman he didn’t trust much around other men but I don’t know if she cheated in him). Is the sex rushed and does he not want it as much because he is not into me or because he is legitimately tired and stressed from all of his responsibilities? Also is he afraid to be more intimate when we are having sex because he is not that into me, or because of other issues, or is that just who he is?

  8. @M…..He’s a father of three kids. That means he’s tired all of the time. We assume he’s also working, right? Which means he barely has enough energy to make it through the day, let alone, have sex with a hot, younger woman. This has nothing to do with you. We don’t doubt he’s very attracted to you. So a few things to consider: 1. Have you tried having sex in the morning after the kids leave for school? (An ideal time for a busy guy) 2. Have you tried hiring a babysitter and having him come over to your place for a night or two? The last thing: It’s also possible he needs to be educated in what you like. Just because he’s older doesn’t mean he’s got a lot of experience. If he was married for a while, or got married at a young age, he may not have much experience at all. Maybe you need to show him the light.

  9. Hi, Guys

    A man I am casually dating asked me to grade his performance in bed. I’ve never been asked such a question. When he asked me, my thought process went blank and responded with “Let me think. LOL”. He mentioned that I wasn’t sore after sex, so therefore, he wasn’t doing well. Is that just a sign of insecurity, or was he hoping I say ‘yes’ to boost his ego? I would think, him being 35, and having been with plenty of women, he would know.

  10. @MM……He sounds completely insecure and ridiculous. We suggest that be your last date with him. Your call.

  11. Marissa Martinez // September 19, 2013 at 3:07 am //

    Hey guys i have a dilemma. I’ve been talking to this guy who’s been giving me butterflies when I talk to him. He seems “real” but I sometimes get mixed signals from him and I can’t figure out if he’s actually genuine or just another sucker trying to use me. He makes plans with me and when its time, he ignores my phone calls and texts. This has happened three times. Also, it doesn’t seem like he makes much of an effort to see me, I know he’s busy with work, but he used to text me all day everyday. I’m not sure if it’s coincidental, but the last time we actually hung out, I told him I am a very sexual person and love to have sex. I really want to take this man to bed but at the same time I’m afraid he’s really genuine and I don’t want to scare him off and have him think I’m not interested in more than that. At the same time he gives off signals that he wants to have some “fun” with me, but he acts so shy when face to face. What should I do? Try and hold back to see how things go or just go for it and let things fall into place. How I see it is I want to have sex with him to take that worry off both our minds, in hope that we can focus on whats beyond sex. The only thing is that I don’t want to get hurt and I definitely don’t want to hurt him.

  12. Unknown User Name // January 5, 2014 at 11:25 am //

    So many of these comments sound like guys with erectile problems due to too much masturbation and/or porn watching. Guys are actually starting to quit PMO (Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm) due to the problems it can cause.

    I’m female and I’ve also had problems in the past reaching orgasm due to too much masturbation. You start to want the end result so much that you can’t actually relax or get in to it enough to just sit back and enjoy the whole process.

    Just a thought!

    What’s the story with this website anyways, have you guys given up running it?

  13. @Unknown…..We can’t keep up with all the questions. The hope is that readers will help one another. Thanks and take care.

  14. Hello,

    I was just wondering.. One guy and I, both come from a recent break up + we live in different countries and never really see each other, just decided to enter a FB relationship for the time we both live in the same city (about 2-3 months). We were in high school together, but we never had contact nor did we talk to each other apart from strictly school related stuff. I never caught him starting at my cleavage or ass, but apparently he would have liked to have sex with me back then we we were 17.
    We started texting during the second year college and we saw each other twice once I went back to my parents. I never understood if he enjoyed (I just blew him). I was in a relationship when I went back after it, he would just tell me it s a pity I had a bf because we could have had fun. When I went back the second time after some other months I actually was in a relationship with the boy I broke up with after 1 year and a half, then he entered a relationship too. I never sent him pics nor did I sext with him because while I was with my now ex bf as I love him, though even if he had a gf he would text me every now and then to talk about sex, which sometimes led to naughty sentences about him and me but as said on from his side.
    I m moving back to my parents in a few days, I m single, he is single. As soon as he got the news he asked me if I planned on having casual sex, to which I responded that I did not want to sleep around with unknown people (not to turn him on or ask him sth like that but because it simply is the truth). I said I did not know anybody that well in the city and he said ‘u fucked me’. I answered ‘actually I just blew u’ and he responded with ‘anyways.. It felt great’.
    Was he lying when he said it felt great in order to make me say yes to his proposal? Does he feel attracted to me for real or does he want sex no matter if good or bad? His gf was not giving him what he wanted, we have the same tastes and I definitely like experimenting, he thinks I have experience because I always had sex with older men (3-12 years older than me). After almost 2 years in a relationship I have no idea how it works/ feels with a different man, I m afraid it could end in bad sex. I need a guy’s advice!

  15. @Valeria……We wouldn’t worry at all about how good/bad the sex is going to be. Trust us, he’ll be happy just to have sex with you at all, especially if he’s already told you he loved being with you before and wants to again. The question is bigger than that. Do you want a purely sexual relationship with this guy? Do you want to get involved in a hook up situation? Or are you hoping something else might develop with him? What exactly do you want to happen? (If it’s just sex we wouldn’t worry at all because that’s exactly what he wants. But if you want something more, then we’d tread very carefully.)

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