Hook Up or More?

Hey Guys,

So I met this guy on Tinder and we have been talking for about a month now. He’s part of a frat so I went to the mixer and we hung out and then I spent the night at his place. I thought like when we were chilling before going to bed that like we were having a really good connection. Like we were cuddling and making eye contact for like two hours.

So the next night he invites me over again and the same set of events happened again. So is he just looking for a hookup or are we on the way to something more?

E

Dear E,

We chose your question because it seems to fit with an alarming trend we’re seeing in the dating world. We’re not sure if social media is the cause, or just that social media has made it easier to find prospective partners, but the concern we’re having is the lack of effort by the pursuers—men—and the acceptance of this lack of effort by women.

Let’s take a look at your situation. (We’ll also answer your question.)

The positive:

1. You talked for a month before you actually got together with him. (We’re not sure if this was because you wanted to get to know him first, or he was trying to get to know you.) But we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he at least knows enough not to try and hook up with you right out of the gate.

The Not So Positives:

1. Him inviting you to a mixer rather than something one on one where you can get to know one another in person. Coffee. Lunch. A walk. Dinner. This would also show that he’s willing to put effort into seeing you. AND spend money on you. Inviting you to a mixer is a copout in our minds.

2. Hooking up at the mixer. (This hands him all the power way too soon.)

So to answer your question. Cuddling and making eye contact could mean something but not necessarily. It’s all about the context. Within a committed relationship, cuddling and eye contact could mean genuine love and affection. But in your case, it’s more likely to mean that he was ultra excited to have sex with you. (FYI: New sex is quite exciting in and of itself.) The point is, those are not necessarily indicators that he has an interest in you beyond sex.

So what would indicators look like? First and foremost: EFFORT!! Like we mentioned previously. Taking you out. Asking you questions. Trying to learn about you. Coming up with interesting dates for the two of you to go on. Spending money on you. Wanting to meet your friends. And so on. We strongly encourage you to use these indicators in the future NOT cuddling before sex. (You might want to let your friends know the same.)

Question: Have you read our book? We encourage you to read it. We think you might learn some things about guys from it. Check it out on Amazon. Inside your Guy’s Mind  

FYI: A good rule to follow is this. Do NOT have sex until it’s somewhat clear that the relationship is moving in the direction you’d like it to. One way to do this is actually COMMUNICATE with each other. We’re not suggesting you should have asked him what he wanted, but women tend to shy away from the “What are We” conversation too often. (That’s a discussion for another time, but wanted to point that out.)

Let us know if you have any follow-up questions.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

 

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