I met a guy on a dating site and we talk on the phone and text every day. At least once or twice a week we video chat. And yes, we have had “cyber sex” twice. He has told me that he likes me A LOT and I feel the same about him. I deleted my account on the dating site, but he has not. He is on there everyday and tells me he is there to look at the pictures and read the forums. I told him that with all the time we have spent together, that it doesn’t make me feel very special knowing that he is still “out there.” He tells me that I should go with the flow, and that I shouldnt be so sensitive. I really like him and enjoy talking to him, but I wonder if I am just wasting my time. I want something real, a relationship. I dont want to have a cyber relationship. He jokes around about coming to see me, but it’s only when we are talking about sex. My question is, should I end it? How do I know if he is serious?
Thanks for your question.
We can see why you’re concerned. It is pretty insensitive of him to tell you to “go with the flow.” We wonder how he’d feel if things were reversed and you were the one perusing dating sites, flirting, and checking out pictures. (If that’s all he’s really doing, which we doubt.) What he should have done is agreed with you, apologized, and taken his profile down. Since he hasn’t done that, and has no plans to do it, it’s pretty clear what he’s up to.
Talk is cheap, especially when a guy is horny. If he was serious about having a relationship with you he would have already talked about seeing you, and then followed up his talk with action. He hasn’t. So our take is that he enjoys meeting people online, flirting, and having “cyber sex,” but he’s not looking to move this or any of these “relationships” he’s having online, to the real world. This is his thing. And his behavior and nonchalant attitude towards your concerns proves that he’s content to keep things in the fantasy world.
We think you’re wasting your time with this guy. Chalk this up to experience and move on. And consider yourself lucky. This could have easily been a situation where you met this guy in person, had actual sex a few times, and then realized he was doing the same thing with a bunch of other women. Not only would that be emotionally devastating, but it could have put your health at risk as well.
So we think it’s best to move on and try to find a nice guy you can actually go out with. Also, in the future, we’d refrain from the “cyber-sex” until you’ve actually established a relationship rooted in reality.
Feel free to ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. And keep us posted. We also hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.