I’m a college student and I recently met this very cute guy who is a friend of a friend. A few weeks after we met, he asked for my number. We texted for a few days and met up at a party later in the week. The next night, he texted me asking what I was up to and wanted to come over before going out. I said yes because I wanted to get to know him more, but I promised myself I wouldn’t hook up with him because I thought he was incredibly cute/funny/etc.
When he came over we talked for a little with some casual questions, as I still wanted to know basic things about him. We started to drink because it was the weekend and he was planning to go out soon. We were having a great time and I could feel a connection with him as I was super comfortable around him. A few hours and MANY drinks later, we ended up having sex. I’m not sure how drunk he was but I was to the point of not remembering most of it (though it was very mutual). But I don’t remember how it started or what was said following.
He texted me the next day casually, and I responded. I told him that I had fun the night before but really was not expecting all of that and I would like to hang out with him soberly. He said okay and the back and forth continued, until I mentioned that I was pretty embarrassed about my actions, and that I’ve never been in that situation before. (Which is true) This was yesterday and he hasn’t responded.
I’m very afraid of nagging him but I also want to actually hang out with him this week and see if the connection is there and if this was just a one night stand, or if he may want to pursue a strictly sexual relationship. While these sexual feelings toward him are natural, I fully regret moving so fast and I would hate to think that I ruined the potential for something great. Some reassurance from The Guys would be greatly appreciated to ease my mind a bit.
Thanks for contacting us. Please take the time to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask the Audience page. Now to your question.
We don’t think you necessarily blew it by sleeping with him, but we also don’t get the sense he wants more than just casual sex with you. However, it’s too soon to make that call.
We understand that hooking up casually, and Friends with Benefits have become more prevalent these days. However, we consider these to be arrangements that benefit men more than women. Guys are able to compartmentalize sex and intimacy. Women don’t fare so well with this.
Yes, this guy is physically attracted to you which is a good thing. However, clearly that’s only one aspect of a relationship. (Although an important one) In your case, if this guy only wants to “hang out” with you, and never takes you out on the town, or doesn’t introduce you to his friends, it’s likely he only wants to “hook up” with you.
Give it a little more time and see how he behaves. Be on the watch for two things as well: 1. Sporadic communication—he doesn’t get back to you when you contact him. 2. Communication only when he’s horny—late night texts to come over to your place, or invite you over to his.
Don’t beat yourself over having sex with him. It happens, especially when chemistry and drink are mixed. But make sure you are careful in the future. And one word of caution: Don’t continue to have sex with him thinking it’s going to transition into something serious. You need to talk with him about all of this. Our rule: If you’re having sex, it’s not too soon to talk about the “relationship.”
Any other questions? Feel free to ask away. And leave us a comment with your thoughts. (Scroll down)
Good luck and definitely keep us posted.
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