One night stand; Is there potential for a relationship? (Sex Advice)

Dear Guys,

I’m a college student and I recently met this very cute guy who is a friend of a friend. A few weeks after we met, he asked for my number. We texted for a few days and met up at a party later in the week. The next night, he texted me asking what I was up to and wanted to come over before going out. I said yes because I wanted to get to know him more, but I promised myself I wouldn’t hook up with him because I thought he was incredibly cute/funny/etc.

When he came over we talked for a little with some casual questions, as I still wanted to know basic things about him. We started to drink because it was the weekend and he was planning to go out soon. We were having a great time and I could feel a connection with him as I was super comfortable around him. A few hours and MANY drinks later, we ended up having sex. I’m not sure how drunk he was but I was to the point of not remembering most of it (though it was very mutual). But I don’t remember how it started or what was said following.

He texted me the next day casually, and I responded. I told him that I had fun the night before but really was not expecting all of that and I would like to hang out with him soberly. He said okay and the back and forth continued, until I mentioned that I was pretty embarrassed about my actions, and that I’ve never been in that situation before. (Which is true) This was yesterday and he hasn’t responded.

I’m very afraid of nagging him but I also want to actually hang out with him this week and see if the connection is there and if this was just a one night stand, or if he may want to pursue a strictly sexual relationship. While these sexual feelings toward him are natural, I fully regret moving so fast and I would hate to think that I ruined the potential for something great. Some reassurance from The Guys would be greatly appreciated to ease my mind a bit.

Thank you!

Robin

Dear Robin,

Thanks for contacting us. Please take the time to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask the Audience page. Now to your question.

We don’t think you necessarily blew it by sleeping with him, but we also don’t get the sense he wants more than just casual sex with you. However, it’s too soon to make that call.

We understand that hooking up casually, and Friends with Benefits have become more prevalent these days. However, we consider these to be arrangements that benefit men more than women. Guys are able to compartmentalize sex and intimacy. Women don’t fare so well with this.

Yes, this guy is physically attracted to you which is a good thing. However, clearly that’s only one aspect of a relationship. (Although an important one) In your case, if this guy only wants to “hang out” with you, and never takes you out on the town, or doesn’t introduce you to his friends, it’s likely he only wants to “hook up” with you.

Give it a little more time and see how he behaves. Be on the watch for two things as well: 1. Sporadic communication—he doesn’t get back to you when you contact him. 2. Communication only when he’s horny—late night texts to come over to your place, or invite you over to his.

Don’t beat yourself over having sex with him. It happens, especially when chemistry and drink are mixed. But make sure you are careful in the future. And one word of caution: Don’t continue to have sex with him thinking it’s going to transition into something serious. You need to talk with him about all of this. Our rule: If you’re having sex, it’s not too soon to talk about the “relationship.”

Any other questions? Feel free to ask away. And leave us a comment with your thoughts. (Scroll down)

Good luck and definitely keep us posted.

THE GUYS

ps. Do us a favor? Please share our site with all of your friends. Either in person or on Facebook, Twitter, etc. @TGPBuzz

15 Comments on One night stand; Is there potential for a relationship? (Sex Advice)

  1. Hey again guys,

    This was my original question, so thank you very much for the quick response! With some help from friends and whatnot and a week of being pretty down, I have stopped stressing too much over this situation. While sex should not be taken lightly, I cannot continue to worry about the “what ifs” because at the end of the day, this happened. Also, I can’t beat myself up for drinking too much, but need to know not to do it again.

    I had texted him a couple days after this all happened, and while he was nice overall I do not think that he is looking for anything outside of a casual hook up. I don’t know who else he is involved with (if anyone) but I have not really heard from him since, and I am not going to pursue because I don’t want to be “that girl” especially if he is not interested in me for anything beyond sex.

    I have been told by a good friend of his that he is not one to kiss and tell, so I am no longer worried about being talked about too much. Apparently he is not open about that kind of stuff. But I am not going to press the issue with him or try to show him that I really am a “good girl” and see if things happen naturally. If not, that’s just how it is.

    Thanks again.

  2. @Robin……You seem like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. (Drinking of course, diminished anyone’s capacity to think straight. Even though it’s fun too) And you’ve learned from this experience. That’s all anyone can hope to do. Good luck and let us know how you’re doing or if we can answer any questions in the future. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Or on Facebook and Twitter. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  3. Hey Guys

    I wasn’t quite sure where to post this Q and it’s a pretty simple one. Should I read anything into this act after sex…….. while lying together afterwards he ran his ringers down my face…? He is someone I really like and would like more from, could this be something ore significant or just affection after intimacy. We aren’t dating but I would like to.

  4. @Sarah……All questions are simple and complex at the same time. Are you wondering whether or not this means anything in terms of him saying he wants something serious? Basically any cuddling done after sex is part of foreplay for the next time. (When people aren’t in a relationship) Meaning, it’s a way to ensure more sex. This doesn’t mean he’s being manipulative, it’s more instinct. But his gesture could also mean he’s interested. The best way to find this out is to talk to him. If you’re having sex it’s not too soon to have the “Define the Relationship” talk. Sure it may not go how you want, but at least you’ll know where you stand. What do you think? Feel free to ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. And keep us posted. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  5. Hi Guys,

    I met a guy a little bit ago. We slept together on our first date. I was surprised he didn’t text me, but didn’t really think anything of it. I was out of town and so was he. When I returned, I asked if he wanted to get together again not expecting anything. He responded well and we made plans for that weekend. He even took me out on another date (which I assumed was not happening because of how the first date ended). We went to his place and I slept over again. And I was there pretty late into the afternoon the next day. He even wanted to hang out again outside of his apartment.

    I started school last week and have been very busy and didn’t get a touch to make contact, but he hasn’t either. I had a moment and I reached out to see if he was free to do something this weekend. He answered almost right away and was excited to get my message. He has a friend staying with him this weekend and has to take a rain check. He kept the conversation moving and it was a fun little convo. It ended with him saying he was looking forward to seeing me. My question is, is it weird that he doesn’t initiate contact? Am I just reading too much into this? I mean, we are busy people and it’s not like I am really keeping contact alive. I don’t know if this is the start of something good or something that could end in disaster since it is based on sex (on my part and his, I think) or something could actually develop. I just find it so weird that he does not reach out to me, but seems so excited to talk to me and to get together when I text him. I’m not used to this. Usually, when someone is interested in me they are up my butt with text and calls. And I am saying that not to be arrogant at all, but that I think is the case with most people.

  6. @Savannah……..Stop initiating now. You’re making it really easy for him. He should be the one contacting you. Our general sense is that he sees this as a casual, fun and sexual relationship. And that’s why he’s excited to hear from you. But if you stop contacting him you’ll hear from him sporadically when he’s especially horny or lonely. Sorry.

  7. Okay. So I dated this guy for a month and he broke up with me because I wasn’t girly enough for him.(he didn’t tell me that, I found it out through a friend)and we’ve been kind of a half ass thing for 8 months now. I lost my virginity to him 6 months after we broke up and he claimed he was drunk when he wasn’t. (he still flirts about us having sex) He’ll start to flirt with me and then when I flirt back he stops and I’m just confused as to what this is. None of us have ever talked about how we feel about each other because we’re both awkward and shy. Sometimes I think there is something real but other times I feel like I’m nothing to him. I can’t move on because I feel like there’s something holding me to him and I don’t know what. I don’t know how I feel, and I don’t know if he knows either. I know we need to talk but I don’t want to risk losing him or making things awkward. Please help me. I don’t want to be stuck for a year on a 1 month relationship.

  8. Oh and before we slept together he mentioned “what if we got married” and he was treating me like his girlfriend again (6 months after the relationship).. After sex it slowly disappeared and I could tell it was sort of awkward between us. But he texts me everyday and he treats me like his bestfriend that occasionally flirts with me.

  9. @Lost….We’re sorry. We’re going to honest here and understand that we’re trying to be supportive. This is going nowhere. He flirts because he’d be happy to have sex with you again, but not because he loves you or wants to be in a relationship with you. We don’t think you should wait around from him. In fact, we think you should move on completely and don’t even hang out with him anymore. This is not good for your emotional well-being and he’s just going to keep you in a holding pattern. Obviously, this is up to you. Good luck and be strong. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who cares about you the way you care about them.

  10. @Lost….See our response.

  11. tinkerbecca // April 29, 2013 at 10:24 am //

    I was on an unplanned night out and met a guy who had a stop off in my town on the way to another job the next day. He was with his boss and I was with my best friend. His boss was married but got on with my friend like a house on fire and nothing happened between them.
    But me and him were like a magnet to each other I have never felt chemistry like it he said so before I did.Outside the bar when I went for a cigarette he came with me even though he didnt smoke so we could chat alone, he asked to add me on Facebook which we did. Even his boss and my friend joked we had fell in love. I went back to his hotel just planning on staying in the bar and snook into a basement and talked about everything you could imagine he even said he had never met anyone like me and was looking forward to staying intouch and was coming back up to where I live in 2 weeks for a stag do.We had the most amazing sex and were down in the basement for about 7 hours. Even after we stopped we couldn’t stop kissing each other.In the morning he asked for my number and I said I bet I dont see him again and he said you try and stop me I have never clicked like this with anyone before.Then they dropped us off in their van at my friends house and me and him were in the back of the van for about 30 minutes continuously kissing again we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.It wasn’t awkward once we couldn’t stop chatting and laughing the whole time we were together.
    When we left each other he grabbed me hugged me and gave me a massive kiss and his boss was saying put her down you will get to see her again and he didn’t want to let me go.
    Then I text him later on that day to see if they arrived safely and he replied,we sent a few jokey texts blaming each other for feeling rough. I fell asleep and didnt hear anything again that night.
    I was please he had replied and text him the next morning joking( i still feel rough and i still blame you haha) fully expecting a reply as he text back the previous day.
    The whole day I didn’t hear a thing and suddenly I had a gut feeling he would block me off facebook which he did!!
    I left it for a day and was fuming so text him saying (Why block me off Facebook? If you didn’t want to speak to me or see me again you could have just said.Not like I expected to see you again. I thought you seemed like a nice guy but to be honest you have made me feel like shit. Anyway I just had to say something as it was pissing me off. Upto u now if you get in touch)
    Following this I am still blocked, still heard nothing I just don’t get it.
    I fully understand normally if you have a one night stand nothing comes of it but the way we were together and I have proof I wasn’t imagining it has frustrated and puzzled me.
    I know from his facebook he does not have a girlfriend, but for some reason I can’t get him out my head I am not normally like this and don;t want to come across as a bunny boiler it is just puzzling me.
    Any ideas please??

  12. High school Senior // May 6, 2013 at 4:02 am //

    Hello. I am a 17 year old girl in high school and I have prom coming up in the next month. I have the option to go with my best guy friend, but I would rather go with someone who I have a potential to hook up with at the end of the night… (this would never happen with my friend because he is gay.) On the other hand, I have a guy that I see only to have sex with/just casual hookups. We don’t really talk otherwise,and he’s kind of a dick, but I was thinking of asking him to prom, and this way I know I’d get a goodnight kiss, plus I’m really attracted to him. I do not in any way expect us to date afterwards or anything. Good/bad idea? Thanks.

  13. High school Senior // May 6, 2013 at 4:07 am //

    I’m also going to add… this friends with benefits guy doesn’t go to my school. he’s a year older and i’ve known him for 2 years, if that makes a difference. we hooked up in grade 10, stopped for 2 years then started again 5 months ago.

  14. @HighSchoolSenior………Okay, so you know we’re not going to endorse some kind of casual hook up thing especially considering your age. Also remember, he’s of age, and you’re not. That said, what does prom mean to you? Is it a time to hang out with your friends and enjoy each other before you graduate, or is it a night to get dressed up and have fun. That’s how we’d make this decision. Because it seems to us, that you don’t really need to go to prom to hook up with that other guy. So if that’s all you’re looking for, then go with your gay friend and enjoy the night and hang out with your FWB guy another time. That’s what we would do. Is there a third option? Some other guy that might ask you out?

  15. So I’ve known this guy for at least 6-7 years through close family friends, for fl4 years he’s made it perfectly clear that he wants to take on a sexual approach with me. Don’t get me wrong I’m not naive I understand the concept if just sex but in the past guys haven’t been this upfront about it and normally would get bored in a week if I didn’t bite their ‘bate’.

    What I would like to know is why this guy after four years is still trying strong when he’s the type of guy who gets any girl, I’ve only recently just sent him pictures but nothing else of the sorts! He also told me once when I agreed in a spare of the moment thing to hook up he said no because he didn’t want to hurt me and didn’t want to ruin what we had? He gets jealous when I talk about other guys who are interested me which normally pisses him off causing us to argue! We argue 90% of the time and then make up its like one minute I never want to speak to him again & the next I need too! My mum also reckons he’s got a soft spot for me, he also kept a photo of when I was little in his phone from a joke we had at least 3 years ago? Creepy right?

    What I want to know is, is it defiantly just sex he wants? I’m 18 and he’s 24 & I know the age thing bugs him as he constantly brings it up. What does he want?

    Thanks Anna

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