I could really do with a male perspective right now. I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now and it’s going great . We get on really well and the sex is amazing. We’ve actually seen each other every day for the last two weeks. Now here’s the issue. He says he doesn’t want us to have a relationship. I don’t get that. Why? He acts like we are together. Like I said we’ve been seeing each other everyday; he usually stays the night with me, and is very affectionate at home and in public. If his friends phone he always tells them he’s with me so they clearly know about me. He even says himself that he treats me like his girlfriend and that he’s happy with me.
So why wouldn’t he want it to develop? Its not like he’s seeing other people. In fact that’s something he said he won’t do while we’re seeing each other. He says our age gap and lifestyles are an issue. I’m 25 with two children and he is 21. I’ve said I’m not looking for a dad for my kids and he says he knows that. So why is it an issue?
My head is telling me to quit seeing him now before I get in too deep but my heart says to stay with him and hope that it does develop. I would really like a male perspective here. Xxx
Thanks for your question. We know this is confusing for you so we’ll start by explaining the mindset of a 21 year-old guy.
He’s got sex on his brain. In fact the sole purpose of almost everything he does is to enhance his ability to meet women, and then possibly sleep with them. Sure there are those few mature 21 year-old guys who might be looking for a serious relationship, but most want to party, go out to the bars, peruse dating sites, look at porn, and keep things light.
As per his concerns about your age and lifestyle. They are related. What he’s saying is he doesn’t want an instant family. And even though you say you’re not looking for a daddy for your kids, the reality is, any guy who is involved with you will also be interacting with your kids. When this guy does finally settle down he’ll want to start fresh with someone who’s experiencing it all for the first time. (Marriage and children we mean) Guys, especially young guys, typically want to have their own family. Raising someone else’s kids is not high on their priority list. So Kelly, this is really less about your age, and more about life stage. The two of you are at different junctures in your lives. You may be intersecting now, but that is likely temporary.
You might wonder why he doesn’t want to see other people. For now, he’s content. He’s enjoying the time with you and from what you say, he probably doesn’t even have time to hunt for other prospects. He certainly doesn’t want you sleeping with other guys while he’s with you. It’s a territorial thing, a guy thing. Don’t confuse exclusivity with commitment; they are two very different beasts.
Our advice: If you’re worried about getting hurt, or getting pulled into something that isn’t going anywhere, we’d suggest that you extract yourself from this situation and find a more mature guy, who embraces every part of you, including your children.
Let us know if you have any follow-up questions. And keep us posted as to what you decide to do.
ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.